This is amazing, because of the head trauma that I experienced from being hit as a child, by one of my abusers, causing hearing problems, has been driving me crazy my whole life, and I genuinely thought I was crazy.

Turns out, I have hearing loss.

For years I’ve been reading lips instead of looking folks in the eyes because I wanted to ensure I was catching what they were saying. The problem with this is that you’re so busy reading the lips that you’re not getting the context of the words, making communication difficult with hearing folks.

Now I can actually hear and conversation is all the more rich because I can hear. For years doctors told me there was nothing wrong with me, that my ears were just plugged, but the truth is that I have head trauma, which has caused hearing loss, which has contributed to my mental health issues.

This is fan fucking tastic! I am healed. Sort of. I still have to get special buds made for my ears, that go over the speakers in the hearing aids, but I’m excited because life is so much better now that I can hear. It’s made a massive difference in how I feel about communicating with other people.

Now is the part where I suggest if you struggle with hearing and you are on disability, PLEASE get your hearing checked. It’s free for folks on disability, and you may qualify for a free pair of hearing aids, that won’t cost you anything.

This might very well change the way you see the world because suddenly you aren’t missing parts of the conversation you’re trying to have.

I have one friend who loves to whisper, it’s their trauma response, and so I struggle quite often to hear them, but with my hearing aids, I never miss a single thing. I am really, fucking happy about this situation.

Now the truth is that I wish I didn’t have head trauma that causes hearing loss, but nonetheless, I do, and here I am. I’ve also seen a dermatologist about a rash I got from another abuser, and she’s given me some medication she says will clear it up in 3 months.

I’ve never had doctors who cared about me before or my health. It feels fantastic to have people who are in the medical field hear you when you say “I was abused,” and without asking invasive questions, or refusing to acknowledge what you just said say “I’m sorry that happened. Let’s clear this up so you can move on with your life.“

When you’re living in a place like this, where people actually and genuinely care about your wellbeing it can be very overwhelming. When they put the hearing aids in my ear, I almost started to cry because I could hear, and I hadn’t known until then, just how deaf I was.

Yesterday even though I couldn’t afford it, I was able to get my hair and toe nails done because my girlfriend gave me some money for my birthday. It was so absolutely kind of her and completely unnecessary but I took it because damnit, I deserve good things, and if my friends want to provide I am going to let them.

But I can’t wait for her birthday because I am going to surprise the heck out of her. Life is really good right now. There’s lots of work to be done, lots of people I have to fight for, and lots of reasons to be angry, but right now, in this moment, life is looking good.

Sending all my love,

Devon J Hall, The Loud Mouth Brown Girl