Loud Mouth Brown Girl

I have decided that CTV is not a relatable, nor a relatively honest channel to be watching for anything “News related.” Nine and a half years ago when I started this website, I started openly, speaking about the sex trafficking I had faced as a child.

I was told:

• Your story is irrelevant (CTV phone operator on their report a tip line)
• You’re insane – a Dr who diagnosed me with psychosis and said I “Sound psychotic and like you’re making this up for attention.”
• You sound crazy – the women who defended my rapists
• You are crazy – my rapists
• Had my life threatened by JM and BF.

And only because I’ve been incredibly deliberate and careful about what I’ve said here, have I been left the fucking hell alone.

By the grace of whatever Universal entity, apparently I am done facing down those particular rapists and abusers, however.

There are all the other ones hiding and walking among us, pretending to be ordinary, safe people, that I still have to worry about.

Don’t believe me? Just look at the sheer volume of reports that happened during COVID. Calls for help from victims facing ongoing abuse, rose by 900% during that time, and they are still rising.

More and more women are using social media to share their stories, collect witnesses, allies, and creating Underground Railroad style paths to freedom from abuse, trauma, ignorance, and even and especially, isolation.

And they ain’t all American, many of them are Canadian, many women are realizing they are not safe in the homes they built with people who promised them safety and they are finding ways to prepare to leave.

In the next five years you’re going to hear about a lot more Murdered and Missing Indigenous, Black, Brown, and even white and Asian women who have said “Enough,” and were told that it wasn’t yet in fact, enough.

Divorce rates across this country are going to rise and that’s because more women are realizing they no longer need to live in the confines to which they’ve been told to “Get comfortable.”

More and more women are deciding that “Comfortable,” isn’t’ enough, and it sure as Hell doesn’t equate to being safe.

I want safety for all women in this country, and in every country, but yeah I also want for women to be strong enough to fight back if they are able to do so. I want women to have the space they need, to get strong enough.

I want what I have and then some for the women who follow me because I remember when I was drowning and I was told “Drown harder.”

Now that I am finally in a space to heal, more changes are coming my way but for the first time in my life, I don’t feel overwhelmed, I feel protected, cherished, loved, and honored, to be chosen by the folks in my community.

No one flinches when I say “I’m non-binary and prefer women over men,” no one is shocked that had I been given a choice, I’d have dated girls not men. (I don’t mean boys.)

My body is tired, and sore, and I have scars from the tips of my toes to the backside, to my shoulders. I have tattoos that seemed like a good idea at the time, but were really chosen for me.

By someone who existed…before I was…broken into nothing and left to live or die.

I didn’t and am not planning a fucking glow up, I’m trying to keep my head above the shit that I’ve been given, so that eventually when I do escape into a place that is even remotely truly free, I know what to do with myself.

So many women right now are experiencing what can only be called the “Find Out” part of “Fuck Around.”

Finding out means realizing that we’re stronger than we were led to believe. It also means recognizing that we’re stronger than we should need to be, because the world failed us, and to survive we had to build skills and muscles we wouldn’t have otherwise.

No longer are we taking the “It made you stronger,” bullshit to heart. No, it broke us down, ripped us of our ability to be vulnerable, and changed the way that we see the world in profound ways that destroyed any sense of safety in our bodies, minds, or souls.

This week CTV said and I quote “Sex trafficking goes unreported.” That’s not true.

Many of us do report. But the RCMP categorizes “Sex Trafficking,” as “Domestic Violence,” instead of sex trafficking for many of us. I was trafficked for decades and y’all said my story was “Unimportant.” The following week you aired a story about a dog who had a panic attack on an airplane. The only difference between me and the dog is that I’m a Black woman who can fight for myself.

This country is failing women and girls by telling us are stories go “unreported” when we know damned well we’re reporting. The fuck is the Highway of fucking Tears in existence for? It’s happening. Today.

In 2025.

Let’s make 2026 The Year of The Girl and Woman. Let’s celebrate all things that women bring to the table, let’s celebrate the ones who were given the privilege of being great sure, but let’s also celebrate the girls who fight to be great.

I am so tired of men in this world expecting Black women to be less of themselves. Match recently came out with an Interracial ad campaign, and because of my own internalized trauma due to white men, I said it gave me the ick.

Then a whole bunch of Black women came to tell me that Black men are no better and in fact downright hate Black women. That’s some serious trauma I didn’t know existed, because I was raised by white women.

Now that being said, the only example I had of anything that could be remotely referred to as a “father” figure, was Kelvin, and he was abusive as all get out.

He once put all my mom’s clothing in bleach, then tried to set the house on fire all because she was tired of his abusing her bank account and leaving us in extreme poverty.

We escaped him. But the years of trauma he left on my heart, pushed me towards men just like him, because psychologically I was trying to understand why I was so damaged. So I was repeating cycles.

It wasn’t a matter of “I had enough.” It was a matter of “They fucking murdered me, brought me back and continued the abuse.” I died.

I died. And when I came back they were still abusing me.

I will never forget that moment. That was the moment I Decided. Capitol D, because God damnit I’d had enough.

I was a child when it started, and as much as I waited, and hoped, and prayed, my angel never showed up to protect me, and so I found a way to protect myself.

And then the system that YOU voted for, called me all those names, and put me in the vulnerable position of going in fucking sane, before I got the help I needed to recover.

I’m still in recovery mode. Yeah you see me going to the gym, but you don’t understand the days of recuperation it takes to heal from the effort it takes to get to the gym, let alone stay there.

I’m trying the best I can, but I’d be a lot further ahead, if Canada as a country, put the needs of women and girls across the board, ahead of property and society’s need to constantly fit the fuck in where it doesn’t fucking belong.

I don’t give a flying fuck about a god damned pipeline, what I care about is “are the girls in this country getting the support they need?” Spoiler bitch, the answer is no.

Across the board girls and women are being abused and traumatized, and there aren’t enough QUALIFIED service providers to give us the help and the support we need.

So we are stuck with “Figure it out or drown in shit,” as our only options. And when we figure it out, you call us heroes, but if we don’t you call us “Crackwhore.”

Do you know what SLS used to stand for? “Surrey Loves Sluts…” That’s how the men in 1 city treat women and girls, they see us as potential sexual partners, but not as lovers, partners, or confidants.

North Delta BC where every girl I grew up with knew what it meant to be raped before they understood what it meant to fall in love, isn’t much better.

Oh, Alberta? Home of the “We wanna be America so fucking bad” crowd? Filled with pedophiles who use God as a cover. I’m a prime example of what a mult-abuser survivor looks like, and the only reason I’m “Prime” is because I am still fighting back.

Many others are taking the punches in the shadows because they don’t even know where the fuck to begin.

I’ll give you a hint: Fixing this country doesn’t start with a fucking pipeline.

It starts with recognizing the Missing and Murdered Indigenous Women of this country, and the others that don’t get a title.

Fuck the pipeline.

Believe Women.

Sending all my love,

Devon J Hall,

The Original Loud Mouth Brown Girl

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