It’s probably bad that I ran out of cannabis the same week I did mushrooms two nights in a row, right?/
I have learned that there is a huge crash after using mushrooms – having done it a half dozen times by now, I should know better. The cannabis helps with the crash; it helps to make all the negativity that is swirling around me after mushroom use dissipate.
Yes, on a scientific level, psilocybin helps you to rewire the neurons in your brain, and with repeated use, can help or hinder your mental health. I know this, but I also know that I am very new to using mushrooms, and I haven’t ever done so therapeutically before.
So what I am saying is, you can’t just use mushrooms, cannabis, or LSD (not that I’ve tried that yet) to deal with your trauma. You need other avenues as well.
Lots of people fall into the habit of using cannabis to deal with trauma, and then that stops working, and they escalate. That’s because they have no idea what they are doing, and because – SPECIFICALLY – they aren’t talking about what they are going through.
I know that now. Which means that once again, I have to find a counsellor, or a mental health professional, who can teach me to go from where I am now to the next phase of my healing journey.
Everything I’ve done to this point, has been done in the moment. I did what was necessary to get to this place, and now I am here, and I am not sure what to do next. Well that’s not true, the next step is to get a job and start earning some money (even though y’all should be paying for my work by now,), but also to get back into the world again.
For six of the last eight years, I hid from the world, like a hermit trying to just get my story out there. For the last two, I’ve been healing from all the trauma, and I realized yesterday that I am not done yet. I still have a long way to go before the scars hurt less tomorrow than they do today.
I’ll get there, and I know that because I have y’all, it’s just going to take longer than I thought.
Sending all my love,
Devon J Hall, The Original Loud Mouth Brown Girl
Loud Mouth Brown Girl 