Actually my neighbor found her by way of a long term friendship, but regardless I am now doing yoga, and you know what? I honestly don’t hate it.
First off the movements that I’ve been doing are altered and not true to yoga in the traditional sense because of my broken ankle. So the sitting, standing, jumping up, that part I am not going to master over night, if ever.
However, the fact that yoga is so fluid allows me to adjust the stretches to fit my needs, while also accomplishing the overall goal of connecting with my inner self, and thus I feel like this is something that I have been missing for a long time.
Now, to understand why I haven’t tried yoga before you have to be a Black, Brown, Indigenous, Asian, or Disabled person, who deeply understands ableism and racism.
I have stayed away from yoga classes with white women because I didn’t feel that the practice – which was birthed in India – could be presented to me in a way that I was fully able to accept, because of who was teaching the class.
Some people might say this makes me a racist, but the truth is that white people – in particular – have capitalized and been capitalizing on the cultural practices of those the white folks have colonized for centuries.
In short, I did not want to pay a white person to teach me something that was invented by Indian people. Period. It’s as simple as that, however finding teachers who are not only understanding of the racial undertones of the practice, as well as the spiritual ones is not as easy as it seems.
So huge kudos to my neighbour for finding someone who not only extensively studied the practice, but keeps notes on their students so she can work with what each student needs.
I really love this class I am taking, specifically because it’s all women but also because the teacher is a student who is constantly learning as she says which gives me hope.
One of my biggest insecurities is not being good enough, specifically not being perfect on the first try.
My ADHD prevents me from concentrating the way that I want to, and that’s not an excuse it’s just a fact. I have ADHD and it’s difficult to concentrate, so in yoga, I don’t have to concentrate so much as I have to let go.
Letting go isn’t easy for me, it’s a fucking struggle because I have had to carry so much for so long, but when I am in that room with those ladies, none of that shit matters. It doesn’t matter how fat my ass is, or if I can’t execute every single position perfectly.
In yoga the phrase “She’s not competition she’s proof it can be done,” is taken literally. I love that for me. I love being in spaces where I can just focus on being myself and having fun instead of worrying about whether or not other people are watching me.
One of the things I am really happy about is that by having a teacher who looks somewhat like me, I no longer feel like the ONLY colored person in the room and I think when I look back at the end of the day, that is what really and truly stopped me from trying yoga.
Anyways, I’m doing yoga now and you should too, but wait until you find a teacher that works for you.
Sending all my love,
Devon J Hall, The Original Loud Mouth Brown Girl
Loud Mouth Brown Girl 