Loud Mouth Brown Girl

Trigger Warning

This post contains conversations about Child Abuse (CA) Child Sex Trafficking (CST), and Other Traumas inflicted by adults.

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Trigger Warning

I’ve said before that the term “Trauma-Informed” is an umbrella term that doesn’t really explain what you are informed about.

Lots of people say it, but then when you push and explain that you have been tortured, they don’t fully grasp the idea, because most people living today have no concept of what the word “Torture” actually means.

I mean, drugged for days on end, out of my mind, to the point that I was a willing participant in my rape,s not only because it was the only way to survive, but because, as I said, I was drugged out of my mind by grown-ass men who knew better.

I mean, my body was bent backwards to remind me what would happen if I came forward.

I mean, nails were hammered into different parts of my body, leaving almost but not quite imperceptible scars.

I mean, I was tattooed with my “coerced consent” to get tattoos that I wouldn’t have gotten if I weren’t completely drugged out of my mind and raped for decades on end.

Which isn’t to say that some of my ink isn’t by my choice, but many of my tattoos were born out of the idea that if I marked my skin, I’d be left alone. I was terribly wrong. Mainly because at least two of the people involved with separate ink sessions abused me.

Abusers are fucking every God damned where on the planet. Trained, well-equipped emotional trauma therapists, however, are not, as they say, “A dime a dozen.” It takes decades of real frontline trauma work to understand how bad rape culture is and how deeply embedded it is in our society.

If you can’t comprehend that what I say is true, how can you call yourself “trauma-informed?” I thought you knew how bad it could get, Doc? I thought you’d seen it all. I thought you had all the experience in the world. Isn’t that why the government gave you the power to decide if I get help, or if I get locked up instead?

I’m tired of being asked, “Do you still think people are watching you?” When I know damned well that yes, folks are watching me, if the statistics on the backend of this website didn’t prove that, then the comments I get and don’t share certainly do.

What I’d like to be asked is “how are you doing, given everything you’ve experienced?” What I’d like to be asked is, “Is there anything you need that we can help you get, so you can move forward?”

But instead, I get asked, “Do you think cannabis makes your paranoia worse?” Bitch, I was raped for decades, and no one is listening when I say they are EVERY FUCKING WHERE, so no, I’m not paranoid, I’m just differently educated than you. The fact that doctors are more willing to lock people up than help them navigate the system really needs to be studied.

Right now, BC is preparing to lock people up against their will because “They are a danger to society,” and the thing is, is that they probably wouldn’t have been, if the government, the community, and the schools had done their jobs the first time around.

I fully believe that some people need to be locked up. But I wouldn’t start with the unhoused, I’d start with the pedophiles, the rapists, and the sexual predators who see other people’s bodies as their playgrounds.

I’d start with the corrupt governments, I’d start with bad cops, I’d start with doctors who are fulfilling medical quotas, instead of actually helping people who need help the most.

“What could the medical community do to make you trust them again?” You could start by admitting that the current medical community is not actually trauma-informed.

You could start by admitting that the average “I’m a counsellor/mental health worker/life coach,” doesn’t actually have the skills to refer to themselves as trauma-informed, and that by doing so, they are setting a dangerous precedent.

There needs to be a kind of study that deliberately focuses on rape culture, and the effects of rape culture across the diaspora, as well as the Indigenous, Indian and Asian communities.

Rape culture has had a massive effect on immigration, and I don’t think that we’re talking about that. There are groups of men around the world who are deliberately immigrating together so that they can go to new countries and commit rape.

It’s happening, and I’m hearing about it all over the world, but the problem is that so many people in this society are so comfortable with abuse because, “It happens to all of us like a right of disgusting passage,” is how they achieve what we on the outside see as success.

I know of several celebrities who were trafficked as children, who, in return for their silence, are now some of the most famous people on the planet. And YOU would never know, because there are people out there paid to make sure you never know.

There are many people out there who will read this and immediately say, “She’s crazy.” In return, I will respond with “Epstein Files.”

XOXO

Devon J Hall,

The Original Loud Mouth Brown Girl