By the time I was five, I’d already been raped once, and molested once. A priest, and the baby-sitters boyfriend. Not in that order.
I was already tired, but I knew deep down that I had big dreams, and for a little girl to say “I better have an interesting life, if I am going to be a writer,” at five years old…well let’s just say that little girl still inspires everything that I do.
Because of her, I am here today. I am alive, I survived, and now, because of her, I want desperately to show her how good life can get.
I’m working on a new project that I am not quite ready to launch yet, but I am excited, and anxious, and all the things. When the world goes crazy, Devon creates. That’s something I’ve learned about myself.
When I started this site, I had full intentions of making it a collective, but I think I did a good job keeping it about me for now. I think right now this has to be my space, because if I start inviting more voices onto this website, then I won’t have any space for myself.
I’ll be too busy editing everyone else’s posts to worry about writing my own. But this thought process started a new path of thought that led me to my new project, and I am very excited about it. So, rather than hold it off to myself, I am going to tell you a bit about why it matters so much to me.
When I was a kid, I told all kinds of stories because I was a storyteller. I didn’t really care about impressing people, it’s just I loved telling stories, and I didn’t know how to tell stories that weren’t true, but also, not about me. So I lied, I don’t think I meant to. I think I just really got involved in telling the story part of whatever I was saying.
As an adult I have a better understanding of how my brain works, so while I still tell stories, I don’t make them all about myself anymore. I remember that it’s okay not to be the center of the story -all- the time.
But I also recognize that I am only a storyteller today, because of the little girl I used to be, who was abused and traumatized into silence for years.
Oh sure I had conversations, but the stories I was telling, were all covers to cover up what was being done to me, so I never told people the full truth.
I always told folks part of the truth. Loud Mouth Brown Girl is the first time in my life I’ve opened up my whole world to show people who “I” am, outside of the notions they have that other people put in their heads. I’ve been about 96% honest about what I write here, and that’s because I do keep a certain amount of stuff back. Like my health issues, which if I’m being honest, I should write about and center a lot more.
But I do this I think less because I am hiding stuff, and more because I don’t feel like sharing all my medical shit is helpful to people, even though I know it probably is. We need to talk more about our experience with the medical field, both mental and physical, so that we can start collecting a record of what happens to folks like me when they seek out help.
But I digress.
I am a storyteller, at my core, and that’s what this new project is all about. It’s about taking one of the most highlighted, and yet unironically ignored neighborhoods in the western hemisphere, and putting a spotlight on it, that transforms the conversation and makes it more about the people, instead of the economy.
People are afraid of what they don’t know, and it’s my deep hope that this legacy project will be a part of changing the game when it comes to looking at poverty, addiction, and houselessness as well as hunger.
Lots of people are hungry and would and could do great things if they had what they needed to survive, but so few of us are hoarding so many of those much-needed basic supplies that we can’t fulfill the need fast enough.
I believe in the power of community. I believe that if you can change the world for one person, you can change the world for everyone, one person at a time. Whether it’s a meal or an experience you share with a fellow or sista human being, you are in fact changing the world.
I believe this new project will change the game, not just for me, but for so many people who think they are nothing, because the world has spent it’s time kicking them when they were already down.
Every one of us has a story, and I am on a mission to tell as many as I can. If you or someone you know is suffering from addiction of any kind, please find help. You deserve to be surrounded by people who want you here.
Sending all my love,
Devon J Hall, The Original Loud Mouth Brown Girl
Loud Mouth Brown Girl 