Loud Mouth Brown Girl

I Was Never Going To Be…Kind.

I wasn’t born to be kind. Yesterday someone beautiful said “Thank you for standing up for us,” I hate to correct them but I am not standing up for “Us.” I am standing up for the little girl inside, that had to learn to protect herself, because no one else bothered to.

A famous actress who once played a witch, that I cannot for the life of me stand with any part of my being once said “I speak for all those who can’t speak.”

I spoke up then too.

I told her she was an egotistical bitch and that I AM Speaking for myself, the fact that she was choosing to ignore me, and speak FOR people like me instead, was annoying. She blocked me.

Good fucking riddens.

The abuse, resulting trauma, and survival techniques that Black and Brown and Indigenous women have to use to protect themselves are far different than white women.

White women can write an entire epologue to a fucking abusive sociopathic white woman, and make a billion dollars.

If a Black woman told that story she’d be institutionalized.

White women can talk about how “God saved the day,” until the day fucking ends, but when Black women, Indigenous women or Indian women say “Ganesha, Ohsun, or The Great Creator…” we’re institutionalized, told we’re crazy and told to assimilate.

Do you see the fucking difference?! Do you understand that several years ago, a Black woman attended a sleepover with several WHITE women, then was killed or died somehow, and no one is talking. NOONE. NOT ONE WOMAN HAS COME FORWARD TO SAY WHAT HAPPENED TO THEIR “FRIEND.”

I am so fucking angry at the double standard. I am so outrageously pissed the fuck off. I went to the cops. I did what you all told me to do and I was called crazy.

Now I get subtle but not so subtle “It’ll happen again,” death threats from freaks who think that what women are saying is actually funny.

Meanwhile I’m supposed to actually with a straight motherfucking face, acknowledge the “Male loneliness epidemic,” EPIDEMIC?

ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?!

An epidemic is a rapid, widespread outbreak of a disease affecting many people in a community or region, spreading faster and more extensively than usual, but is geographically contained (unlike a global pandemic) and less frequent than an endemic disease (regularly present). It can stem from infectious agents like viruses or bacteria, or even non-infectious issues, and signifies a significant, sudden rise in cases beyond expected levels, requiring urgent public health response. 

Loneliness is not a fucking disease. It’s a choice. Especially because many of you don’t wash between your ass. Fuckin mc’nasties.

If you choose to be a dickwad women in particular, are going to choose not to be around you. That’s a choice, a decision, something YOU AS A WHITE MALE ASSHAT CAN CONTROL.

Women, contary to popular belief, are not here to be subservient to men. I know this for a fact, I’ve had many men throughout my life try to dominate me. But few have ever tried to balance me. In fact I can only think of one. Tyler H. He was fucking great.

Because he asked for permission, and he was kind. And gentle.

And he didn’t belittle me for it, or hate me for it he just moved on and so did I.

It wasn’t great, it wasn’t perfect, but at least it was my fucking choice.

That’s the difference between men who care about women and men who don’t. They’ll ask. They’ll actually take no for an answer, and they’ll pause to reflect on their actions.

Tyler and I aren’t friends anymore, but that has more to do with my abusers than he probably knows. Which is too bad. I wish him well.

Men, listen when I speak, because I don’t speak for anyone but myself, but I do speak with a collective.

Women have had enough. We’re tired, we’re angry, and we’re frustrated. What you want when it comes to our bodies, is fucking irrelevant. One day a woman is going to be President.

She’s going to make rape illegal to the point that it will require the death penalty. One day she will say “Women are free to get abortions, and men will go to jail for raping their daughters and sons.” Period.

It’s going to happen, a shift is coming, and I can feel it because all over social media women are celebrating each other not for succeeding, not for powering through, but for escaping alive.

We are creating networks, we are building attention to our stories, we are building platforms, businesses, and foundations that will set us all free from the patriarchy.

That’s why you are seeing so many women working from home, building fresh brand new ideas into busineses, it’s because women are preparing for the time when we are through with you and we no longer have to deal with your desire for legacy over your desire to be a good person.

Several years ago I was presented by my so-called-friends, a group of men. “Pick any one you want,” I said fuck no to each and every one of them.

I thought I’d be alone forever, that sounded nice, it still does. Rich and lonely sounds fucking blissful, because when I AM lonely I have friends to call, I have sisters who will answer the phone, cousins who love me, people who cherish me.

I have people who would miss me if I went missing. Can any of you white, male, white supremacists say the same?

I highly doubt it Jim Bob, because your wife doesn’t actually like being humiliated by your overweight gut, and your disgusting stench, she doesn’t want you touching her right after you put her face into the fucking fridge, she wants you gone!

Don’t worry Chad, she’s not cheating on you, she’s preparing to burn your entire world down when she realizes you’re the disgusting cheat who can’t get it up no matter who you’re with.

Women are done. Thank fucking Nyx, Sif, Hecate, Oshun, Vishnu, and so many others I don’t have space to name them all.

No, I don’t speak for “Us” I speak for me, but if the people resonate with what I have to say, who am I to argue?

Sending all my love,

Devon J Hall, The Original Loud Mouth Brown Girl