Loud Mouth Brown Girl

As designated member 001, I can honestly say being petty was the best decision of my entire life.

I started Loud Mouth Brown Girl because I was called a loud mouth brown bitch by a white cop who covered my body in bruises, at a moment when I needed space to breathe, more than I needed anything else in the entire world.

Since the beginning of time, women and girls have been vilified by the men in their lives simply for existing.

The way we breathe, what we eat, how we dress, all of it was and often still is, controlled by the men in our world and I don’t think that’s acceptable anymore.

I needed help, and a man who could have helped decided to laugh and bruise me, a man because it’s always a man.

When I tell the story later people tell me they think I’m lucky I didn’t get shot, I think about George Floyd every single time I think I might have a panic attack. He was arrested over a five-dollar bill, I was arrested because I couldn’t breathe. You bet your ass I’m a petty ass bitch. I’ve earned the right to be.

After decades of abuse, after decades of being told that “My” behavior was the problem, and after years of being isolated, ignored, and abused, I am here to tell you I made it to the other side.

I no longer believe in civil obedience, I believe only in retribution by any legal means necessary. Find your center, remember who you were born to be, and if you don’t remember then do the work necessary to figure it out, and focus that energy and desire into being the best version of yourself.

None of these are easy tasks, none of these are to be taken lightly. Figuring out who you are outside of who everyone else wants you to be is the toughest thing in the world because you have to strip away all the parts of you that other people have put on your shoulders.

I want people to be petty with me. If they call you that bitch, show them that you are that bitch. Be confident, don’t worry about what OTHER people think is beautiful, think about what YOU think is beautiful.

If you think going outside with bright blue eyeshadow and huge pink cheeks will make you happy then baby fucking do it, do whatever you feel you need to do, to be happy, because at the end of the day our happiness is our responsibility.

I spent my whole life thinking that it was other people’s job to lift me up, it’s only recently I’ve started to dress for myself in a way that makes me happy again so I don’t need others to lift me up.

I feel good about myself because I choose to feel good about myself, and no fucker, it isn’t that easy, it’s a lot of hard work, but the more that you decide you’re going to love yourself, REGARDLESS of those who tell you not to, the more it becomes a habit and before you know it their voices hold less weight.

At the end of the day each of us just wants to find a place where we belong, but rarely do we ask ourselves if we belong…to ourselves.

Something to think about,

Sending all my love,

Devon J Hall, The Loud Mouth Brown Girl