My life is pretty perfect right now. I have everything a person could want, and that’s leading me to think that something bad might suddenly befall me because that’s how it always is, isn’t it?
Just when you’ve found the place called happiness, something comes along to test your resolve and whatever it is, usually asks you to ask yourself, if what you have, is what you really want.
It’s the way it is in film, and that’s the way it is in our reality too. But it doesn’t have to be end-all and be-all, when it comes to bad stuff happening.
Yesterday I heard a story of a man who through a series of unfortunate events lost his entire family. And so he started to drink. Sold everything he owned, gave up his life, by choice after choice, and decided there was nothing left to live for. So now he drinks on the corner in Vancouver, watching everyone else live out their happy stories.
There are days when I genuinely think about what might have happened had I given up. Had I allowed myself to get knocked down and stay down, during the time when we were houseless.
People kept remarking about how good I was doing with all the changes that were happening, but what they didn’t understand was that I was incredibly high throughout the whole experience.
When it was over it took me weeks before I could settle down and write again, and then even when I was able to write, it wasn’t anything exponentially beautiful or inspiring it was just tidbits of bullshit I threw out onto the page so I could say I wrote something.
Now I’m in this beautiful place of healing and I am genuinely wondering what comes next. I would like to start seriously looking for a job, the only thing I’m waiting for is my doctor’s okay.
As soon as my new doctor and I meet I would like to suggest to him that it’s time for me to go back to work, and I think I’d like to start with a job-prep program.
I know it’s been a long time since I’ve done service work, but someone suggested I do some support work so at the very least I am looking to go to school to find out more information about what that would mean.
One of the things I know I ultimately want to do is work at a budstore. I’ve always wanted to do something that helps people, but I am not entirely sure how I feel about going back into work with folks whose lives are in delicate places of transition. My greatest fear is that it’s a job I won’t be properly prepared for like last time.
Other than that, life here is beautiful. Life is wonderful and gorgeous and filled with beautiful wonderful people and I feel like the luckiest girl in the world. Thank you so much for sticking with me through all of this.
Until next time,
Sending all my love,
Devon J Hall
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Loud Mouth Brown Girl 
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