Yesterday, (Saturday), I was at Pride handing out handwritten love letters, as I do every Pride season when I came across someone who confessed to dealing with imposter syndrome, and what I wanted to say was “fuck the syndrome, fight your way to fame and fortune baby, you’ve earned the right to try.”
But instead what I said was something pithy and unworthy so I took the evening to think about it and I started to realize that Imposter Syndrome is something I haven’t dealt with since starting the website.
I think it’s because from the get-go, this website wasn’t about getting people to like me, it was about setting myself free from a system designed by men to protect mean and horrible men while victimizing innocent women and children.
I didn’t have the luxury of deciding that I wasn’t good enough because I was too busy proving that I deserve to live, period.
I decided a long time ago, to stop listening to the voices that were causing me harm and I spend much more time being happy because I ignore those voices, but this isn’t something that comes naturally, OR easily, to just anyone.
You have to work at it every single day. I always hesitate to give advice through this blog, because I never know how it’s going to be received, but it feels important to say this. Imposter syndrome is a trope, designed to make you feel less worthy of love and appreciation.
We’re conditioned to believe that we need other people to validate our experiences or our joyous moments, we’re conditioned to let those who have strong voices, feel as if they are strong(er) than the rest of us.
We’re supposed to be the quiet ones, don’t ask for too much, don’t get too loud, don’t be “obnoxious.” But I’ve learned that the people who want to talk down about me, are often the ones that are the most insecure.
My most insecure friend used to make me feel horrible about myself. She was consistently telling me she was smarter, prettier, faster, skinnier, I was never good enough, and I would never measure up because I wasn’t her.
I never wanted to be her, and she hated that, I wanted to be myself, and I wanted her to be a part of my world, two things were true, but one thing didn’t fit.
Finding out that I was genuinely uninterested in the perceptions of others, was a game changer. It meant that I no longer needed to let the way they see me, or the way they choose to see me, affect the way I live my life.
None of the people we admire would be who they were if they let imposter syndrome win. That isn’t to say they don’t struggle with self-confidence. Not a single one of the celebrities I’ve met, or admired, is someone who hasn’t felt unworthy at some point in their lives, but 99.9% of them, absolutely deserve everything they get.
It’s the work that you decide you’re going to do, that helps you beat imposter syndrome, and as cliche as it sounds, yes the voices that tell you that you’re not good enough, do become weaker the more that you decide you want to be good enough.
The more you practice, the more you work, the more that you push yourself to overcome challenges by accomplishing goals you were convinced you couldn’t accomplish, and the smaller the negative voices become.
This isn’t to say you need to work yourself to the bone either. It’s to say that if you remain dedicated to the craft that makes your soul sing, then you won’t care about what other people think because you’ll start to find people who love your art with their full chests.
When I started handing out love letters, I got a lot of people that didn’t want one. Yesterday I was able to count on one finger the number of people who didn’t want one of my pieces of art, and while I remember them today I won’t remember them ten years from now. I’ll be too busy meeting new people to give love letters to.
It’s easy – and it doesn’t feel easy – but it is hard love time – it’s easy to let imposter syndrome take over, because if you believe you aren’t good enough then you don’t have to bother trying, and you can’t be disappointed if you don’t get it right.
But you’re never going to perfect your craft on the first try and you’re always going to make mistakes, I’d rather make my mistakes honestly than hide them and pretend they don’t happen.
- Who are you trying to impress?
- Why are you trying to impress them?
- What’s the worst thing that could happen if mess up or fail?
This is how I decide whether or not I am going to let something bother me for an extended period of time.
Some days I can bang out a blog post in a few minutes, other days like today it takes me all day, but at least the work is getting done. I am here, doing the work, being the Loud Mouth Brown Girl, and yeah some days I don’t often feel like my best.
But I still get out there and hand out my carefully handwritten love letters, because if I don’t who will?
Sending all my love,
Devon J Hall
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Loud Mouth Brown Girl 
One response to “What Is Imposter Syndrome And How Do We Fight It?”
Very strong ❤
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