Loud Mouth Brown Girl

I am officially tired of writing about my past. For eight years I have used my past to tell my story and set me free from decades of abuse. Thank you for listening.

Now I would like to talk about the present, I would like to use this platform to talk about what’s happening in Sudan, Congo, the DRC, Haiti, Palestine, Yemen, and Syria among other places around the world.

I want to be more politically inclined on this website, I want to use this platform to lift up the voices who are genuinely doing the work, for people who can’t do anything but beg for help.

I want Loud Mouth Brown Girl to strike fear in the faces of police officers who genuinely believe – or convince themselves that they believe – that we wanted to be abused, hurt, or traumatized by the men in our communities.

I want gangs to know that I do not believe in the idea of “Fellowship” that they sell because I know that underneath it all, all they want is chaotic violence that destroys everything they touch.

Life didn’t have to be filled with gangs for me but it was. I accept that. I accept that my entire life up until this point I had very few choices in my life.

But now in this place? I have all the choice in the world and if I am honest that scares the shit out of me. For the first time in my life, I am not standing on the edge of a cliff, but on a bridge that has been built out of the ashes of the ones I burned.

This bridge is going to take me to something beautiful and I know it, I am absolutely terrified of it, because it means stability, kindness, gentleness, and softness, with the folks I have chosen to be a part of my life, but it also means responsibility.

It means that I can’t check out again. I can’t just stop taking my medication and let “Little” take over, because she doesn’t know how to take over. I am fully aware I have separated myself into two different personalities.

One with meds, and one without. Without I am a person who doesn’t know anything about how to control my emotions, I can’t communicate, I struggle to remember who I am and what it is I am doing in this world. It’s not a healthy or a fun place to be.

I’m terrified that I am going to get comfortable, so I am trying not to because I am fully aware that everything I have can be taken from me at any moment, it’s just a matter of hoping I make the right choices and that the universe doesn’t entirely hate me.

Here’s to hoping,

Sending all my love,

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