Evolution Sometimes Means Goodbye

Thirty years in, and Janelle and Kody sound like they might be calling it quits, and that’s just the saddest truth to me.

But a good portion of their problems is due to fan comments. The truth is that when you put your life out there for the world to see, whether you want them to or not, people are going to comment, and those comments are going to have an effect on who you are, who you become, and sometimes even who you want to be.

Kody more than anyone sounds like he wants an out and it got me thinking about my life and my relationships. I know that gunshy doesn’t even begin to hit the right note when it comes to me having relationships. I’m absolutely terrified.

For me, and me alone, I’ve put all my stuff out there. All my crazy, all my weird, its on this blog for anyone to find, and the idea of sitting down with someone long enough to tell them what I’ve been through while looking them in the eye just sounds like a daunting experience.

My grandfather instilled in me the idea that I should marry a certain “type” of person. To the point that he’d even chosen a specific person – someone who at the time wasn’t famous but would go on to become incredibly so. A person that today I have 0 interest in, but the fact that this person is the pinnacle idea of whom I should marry, really disturbs me.

I don’t take his opinion into consideration because he abused me, in far more ways than one. He had this idea that I would save the family name and I’ve been running from it ever since. I have no interest in being the person who “fixes the public image” of the name of a family that wants nothing to do with me, because of the color of my skin.

Whether I like it or not these people are not family. Family to me is chosen, and the idea of finding a “person” to be with just seems like more work than it’s worth after everything I’ve been through.

Especially as I see so many public relationships breaking up. The one thing that I appreciate more than anything about this show, is the honesty and the openness with which the participants behave. They talk to each other, they have open communication, they work – even though it doesn’t “work out” – at having relationships with each other.

Transitions are a part of growing with someone, but sometimes, especially when I look at relationships of old, maybe it’s just okay to say goodbye and be done. This is in no way a comment to Kody, Janelle, or their sister wives/wives, at all. This is about me, and me alone.

I’m just not interested in having people in my past, be people in my present or my future. I don’t like the way they treated me, I don’t like the way I feel comfortable treating them, I don’t like the paths they are on, and I want no part of this life.

I have 1 friend in particular who works in a job that requires him to have constant background checks, and years ago he told me we might not be able to be friends because of who my friends were. That was enough for me, that was the day that I decided the kind of people I wanted in my life, weren’t the kind of people I was hanging around and I needed to make changes.

I made those changes willingly without being asked because I didn’t want to lose someone very special, and today he’s still a part of my life. He’s a genuine human being who loves his wife and his people fiercely, and I am forever grateful to know him.

I want more people like that in my life, so yes sometimes evolution means saying goodbye until next time, and sometimes it means saying goodbye forever.

If you want to be in someone’s life you’ll make the changes you need to make to stay there, and if you don’t, well then that will show too. Whatever you decide, remember this journey is about being our best self. Are you?

Sending all my love,

Devon J Hall

If you have thoughts you’d like to add about this post, please leave a message, and let’s talk about them in the comments below

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