Trigger Warning
This post may contain stories or triggers memories that may be difficult for you, the reader, to consume. I apologize for that, but this website is entirely about talking about the things that we do not talk about. If you or someone you know needs help, please use this page to find a helpline phone number in your area. If you can’t find it on this list, please use any search engine in the world. You are not alone.
Trigger Warning
Each of us women I mean have a resounding, resonating connection to our past. We are keenly aware of where we come from – other women. And even if our existence started in a lab, even if we were born from science, we still come from the women that come before us.
Physically, emotionally, and spiritually, women (trans women included,) are keenly aware of the power of women, and in the year 2022, women everywhere are starting to realize that not only do they not need a man, but they also do not necessarily want one.
Men are convinced that the more that they “give” to women, the more likely they are to “get” but the problem is that when a woman becomes self-sufficient when she finds ways to make sure her needs are met, without you…she realizes very quickly, there’s a whole lot she can get done when the men leave her the fuck alone.
I’ve been trying to explain to myself lately, that masturbating is not a bad thing, but there’s this twisted part of me that understands the only reason I do it is that it helps me to remember all the horrible stuff that I don’t necessarily want to remember but need to.
For months now, years really I’ve been telling you that what happened to me was not an isolated event, and in private, secretly, several men who were involved have reached out to me asking for help, because they want to come forward too.
But they can’t. They have children, and wives, they have people who have no idea they were once gang – or rather and more accurately – cult connected.
We weren’t given a choice as children, but as adults, we have the right, and the responsibility to make sure that what we survived never has to be survived again, but we also have the right to remain anonymous. Or we should.
The reason that so many men are finding it more and more difficult to find a woman to have sex with, much less a relationship, is that women are finally taking time to heal, and rather than seeing this as an opportunity for men to try and do the same, they’re seeing it as a challenge to be fought, conquered and won.
Men and women, trans folk, non-binary folk, and all of us need time to heal, and the reason that we didn’t do this during the lockdown like we should have, is because we were so shocked that we had time to it, we spent all our time marvelling at the time to breathe, that we didn’t take time to actually be in the moment.
The only question we asked during the lockdown was “how do we survive?” because people were dying on literally every corner.
We were so focused on getting toilet paper, we didn’t stop to think about the same thing that I’ve been figuring out this whole time…” how are we going to survive ourselves?”
More and more women are self-identifying themselves with a variety of labels, and some of them are work-based but some of them are steeped around their sexual desires and identity too.
Men too – men you never would have expected – are starting to realize their toxicity and they are pulling back in favour of trying to understand themselves, and all around us are those who are pointing and laughing calling us woke as if it’s a bad thing to wake up from the nightmare of realizing you’re not perfect.
Lots of people in my life have made big mistakes, but it’s not because they wanted to, in a lot of cases, it’s because of the abuse we suffered and the abusers like Chris Tucker, a tattoo artist we know of, who has been abusing kids, women, and boys, for decades, while getting away with it.
He parades his victims through the street proudly, dressing them to look like boys and dehumanizing them whenever possible so that no one can tell him he’s gay, even though he’s clearly who gives a fuck because he’s a pedophile?!
There are grown men in prison for crimes they didn’t commit, who have brain cells that work the same way children do because they haven’t been taught to regulate their emotions or their abilities.
They have been taught to believe that strength means “I can hurt you so bad you won’t wake up,’ instead of “I can lift you up so high you’ll feel like you’re flying.”
In the days of the circus, the strongman was admired because of his strength, not his ability to hurt others, but the strength it took not to cause harm – that’s the majickal power that comes with being strong.
That’s what it means to lift the weight, the emotional weight is something a lot of guys who work out never really think about. Or at least, don’t vocalize, and it’s only just occurred to me, maybe they don’t know how.
They are surrounded by toxic behaviour and we call it “toxic masculinity,” but we don’t talk about “toxic femininity,” at all, and even when we claim that we are making space for victims of abuse to speak forward, we still leave room to say “but men this space isn’t for you, we KNOW we just don’t care right now…”
Okay, fair enough. Women want space to speak on their trauma, but they don’t want to hear from men because men are a trigger…so when exactly do men get to speak?
We claim that men are the problem, but what about the women who didn’t say anything? What about the women who stood back and did nothing when their children were beaten and raped and tortured? Until it was too late?
What about the women who yes – fought the battles and then decided that their children, needed to learn to fight their own battles so stepped back without explaining what these battles would cost us?
Lots of men have mother issues, why do you think that is? It’s because women are tired, and men are tired, and we’re perpetuating the cycle because we don’t even realize that we are in the cycle, or if we do realize it, we keep acting in negative ways because we swear up and down, “it’s not my fault”.
No, what happened to you is not your fault, but what you do about it is, and that’s a lesson for all of us to remember, regardless of our race, ethnicity, creed, nationality, size, orientation, or race.
If we want to find partners, we have to learn to be friends first. Duh.
Sending all our love,
Mike and Devon
Loud Mouth Brown Girl 