One of the first thoughts that I refused to think about, was what would happen if no one read my story on this website.
My life depended – at least to my crazy at the time stressed PTSD mind – on me telling my story and making sure as many people read or heard it, as quickly as possible. I was in a state of terror, abused by rapists, and pedophiles, we’re talking serial abusers who I am pretty sure are far more dangerous than I talk about often.
So with all that being said, the question of “what if no one reads it,” was answered by “please God don’t let me be alone,” because I knew if I didn’t share my story someone else would, and there was a very real chance i’d be dead before I got to have my say.
I didn’t have a choice, I needed to protect myself, the cops didn’t believe me, the doctors thought I was nuts, and the criminals were just waiting for a chance to get to me. It was the best decision that I ever made, but not every blogger has that fear, because not every blogger is coming from the kind of trauma that I’m coming from. For those who are, however, I fucking get it and you’re a superhero.
If You Never Click Post, You Don’t Face The Rejection of Someone not Reading
But if you’re not posting “submit,” “publish,” or “post,” are you really a blogger or are you pretending? It’s so weird to me that I’m at this age where I am asking you genuinely “do you want this?” to other content creators because art is such a subjective form of communication, but it’s also the most insulted, abused, and traumatized kind of artform.
Most people outside of an artists brain, in our social circles I mean, don’t understand how we function the way that we do. For instance, I eat a lot of salt, this is a byproduct of having anemia, it always has been, so I have a high tolerance, I could eat a spoon full of salt and not release a shiver.
A Friend of mine who works out a lot tried to eat the way I do, and they made themselves sick for three days, we are all different, and how we behave, consume and act, are all different and they have to be because we all have different needs. So it’s not about whether or not you want to be a Blogger, it’s about whether or not you need to be.
When We Think About Our Future, We Have To Decide What We’re Willing To Do To Get What We Want
What do you want?
To be a Blogger
Yawn, everyone’s a blogger
To be the most famous Blogger in the world
How are you gonna do that?
I’m going to work my ass off
Prove it
What are you going to do when it gets too hard?
Keep Fucking Proving It
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If you believe nothing else, believe this is the only formula you need for success. Promise this to yourself every single day, “I am going to get better,” and one day you’ll be saying “holy shit I did it,” and it’ll shock the crap out of you.
I promise.
Sending all my love,
Devon J Hall
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Loud Mouth Brown Girl 
Love your style!
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Love your style.
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