When I was a kid in Calgary – no more than six years old – I saw the first couple I’d ever seen, holding hands, while both being male.
I thought it was cool, but my mom’s boyfriend thought it was gross. I think it was my extreme dislike of him, that taught me how to love people, regardless of what other people said about them. I do, genuinely love people, even when they are generally pretty awful to each other, but maybe that’s just me.
LESBIAN, Gay, BISEXUAL, Transgender, QUEER, Non-Binary All WELCOME Here At LOUD Mouth BROWN Girl
It took me a really long time to settle on the term “bisexual,” but the more that I think of that word, the more that it feels like a diagnosis, instead of a state of being. Personally, I don’t care what the person I’ll ultimately fall in love with will look like. They could be a man, a woman, or someone who identifies as non-binary, as long as they love me, and I love them, as long as we treat each other with respect, and kindness, and live with the idea that each should be celebrated and lifted up, I’ll be quite happy and content.
But for too many people, the idea of breaking barriers and stepping outside of what they’re conditioned to believe is really scary, and so we end up with a lot of people who are terrified to be themselves, and ultimately never get the chance to fully enjoy the lives they were given.
I’ve met people in their 70s who spent their whole lives hiding who they were, because it was easier than breaking through the stigma and putting their family on notice, and I can’t think of a more lonely and isolating life than pretending to be something that you are not.
Searching For Your OWN, Identity, and HUGGING That Identity Fully, OUTSIDE of Stigma, Shame, Guilt, and Fear Is a SUPER Power!
One of the hardest lessons that I had to accept as a human, is that I do not need permission from other people, to be myself. I may have to fight for them to get the hell out of my way, but I have every right to be the person that I want to be, and that person doesn’t have to be the person that other people want me to be.
There is something otherworldly rebellious about loving who you want to love, and not being afraid or ashamed of what other people will say and that my friends, is sexy as hell.
Late last year I was made aware that a lot of young people between the ages of 15-29 read my website, (haha young I’m only 39 for fuck sake,) and that honestly scared the shit out of me. Do your parents know what you’re reading? Because if they feel comfortable with you reading this website, then I’m certainly not sure I am. (Just kidding, I totally am, don’t forget to grab a tote bag on the way out.)
In all honesty, though, it really made me think about the trajectory of this website, and who I want this website to represent. I want this site to be for people who are afraid to speak out, I want to teach people how to speak out, and I want to stand up for those who agree with me, but for their own reasons, are too afraid to come forward. It’s perfectly okay to stand in the shadows when you need to, no judgement, I know what it feels like to stand alone while people try to kick and hit at you, while you cry and beg for mercy.
In saying all of that, it’s important for me to make this statement, for me to be really honest about what I am going through, what I see about the world, and how I see the world, so let me make this as clear as possible okay?
BLACK LIVES MATTER TRANS LIVES MATTER LGBTQ2S+ LIVES MATTER AND IF YOU DISAGREE YOU ARE NOT WELCOME TO MY SUPER SECRET MAJICKAL FIRE FESTIVAL
I want to make this very clear and obvious because I never want to give the impression that anyone who disagrees with that statement should feel comfortable around me. I will absolutely kiss my boyfriend, girlfriend, or themfriend, in front of you to make you crazy. I will absolutely tell you that I don’t care how your God feels about mixed-race, LGBTQ2S+ relationships, I will absolutely do everything I can to ensure that my children, and the children in my life, have the freedom, space, and safety, to be themselves, without your judgement.
One of my former friends taught her eldest daughter to say “you’re weird,” whenever anyone insulted her, and I still hear that little voice when I’m feeling bad about myself, reminding me that not only am I weird, but that being weird is a good thing.
If you have green hair, tattoos everywhere, and you still draw on your skin, you’re an artist, and that doesn’t make you a freak.
I hate to break it to you but when the world really, truly, starts to be in trouble it’ll be a Black transgender Jewish girl from Queens New York that saves the day, not a white cis/hetero man from Bel-Air.
It’s the freaks, geeks, weirdos, odd ones, the majickal ones that will change, alter and inspire the world to be the best version of itself.
“In an oppressive future where all forms of feeling are illegal, a man in charge of enforcing the law rises to overthrow the system and state.” – IMDB, Equilibrium
This Pride season, I hope you make as much mess as possible. I hope you dance, laugh, and make the best memories, wear your colours, dance under your banners and flags, sing your songs at the top of your lungs, and refuse all forms of oppression by being your unapologetic beautiful, stupendous self. You are a fantastical creature, yes, you, reading these words, you are the world’s last great hope at wonderfulness, so don’t mess it up. Be as much of yourself as you possibly can, and just when you feel like you’re running out of steam, ramp it up another ten percent.
Wrap yourself in the flag, tattoo it on your forehead, be the most beautiful ostentatious, obvious, version of yourself if that’s what makes you happy, and embrace and enjoy every wicked moment of knowing that every second of every day you spend being happy, the people that hate you for being yourself, are completely miserable because they can’t make you miserable!
Happy Pride my loves,
Sending all mine,
Devon J Hall
Loud Mouth Brown Girl 