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Weird Little Girl

I am 39 years old, and I am constantly looking over my shoulder, no matter where I go, or what I am doing, I am constantly looking over my shoulder. I never wear my headphones anymore and if I do, my music is very rarely loud anymore.

The world tried really hard to stomp the weird out of me. I used to have majickal adventures with aliens, Angels, Witches, demons, vampires, and Gods and Goddesses. But the world told me that was weird, strange, and not “acceptable” behavior.

I liked to play with glue and buttons, candles and flame, but the world told me that was “dangerous” and that I didn’t know what I was doing, while simultaneously refusing me the chance to learn.

I was born to be an artist, a creator, and to spread light and love in the world, but every time I turned around, someone around me was telling me that I was doing it wrong, that it wasn’t good enough, and that no matter how hard I tried, it never would be.

Because of the COLOR of my SKIN.

I once PAINTED a classmate as a BUTTERFLY and was told to do it AGAIN because it was TOO ARTISTIC.

Be weird, be beautiful, be wise, be your strange Faerie Angel Goddess Witch self, and refuse to let anyone strip you of these titles because THEY think that YOU haven’t EARNED the right to use them.

No one on this earth, no matter how hard they try, can live your life. No matter how hard they try, they will only be living the version of YOUR life that THEY are capable of living, which isn’t the same life that you’re capable of living. Do you see what I’m saying?

Every single person who has ever tried to fill the hole my absence left has failed, because none of them are me. They do not think the way that I do, they do not have my superpowers to see the way that I do, and every time I’ve ever encountered anyone, I’ve learned that I’ve had to wait and watch them as they learn how to love me.

My love language is behavior, how you behave shows me who you are, and what you’re willing to experiment with, shows me who you want to be. If you can’t see yourself as a butterfly, or another transitionary type creature, then we cannot be friends.

As much as I WANT to set down ROOTS, I was meant to FLY. To go from PLACE TO PLACE, changing the world with my EXISTENCE, and I am inviting only the WEIRD ones to join me.

I want to see the little girls who want to be Butterflies, and I want to see the little boys who want to take on the world.

I want to find people like me, who see the majick and wonder of this world, who understand that the path to happiness is filled with doing for others instead of taking for yourself.

I want to challenge the weird ones, to stay weird.

Last night I was meditating, and the thought hit me “I can’t do this, I can’t function and do all the things,” and the truth of it is that right now I can’t. It’s a wonder I know how to feed myself at this point, and I struggle with that a lot.

However tomorrow I can do a little bit, and a little bit more, and a little bit more. I can fight for my dreams because I’ve survived Hell, at least four times.

The drama, the trauma, the psychosis that humanity spreads like a plague, none of it matters to the mission that you were sent here to accomplish. You are beautiful and powerful, and your scars are a part of that beauty.

Every single day millions of people from around the world gather on the internet, to share, dissect, discuss, learn, laugh, and love.

They dream of a future filled with happiness, they find reasons to have hope that the world is going to get better and because they have hope they feel good and they spread good.

You can be a part of that.

The most SUCCESSFUL people on the PLANET, are THOSE who have LEARNED to teach others HOW to place BEAUTY in the world. Paint, draw, DANCE, sing, write, do WHATEVER you HAVE to do, to CREATE beauty where there is DARKNESS.

Instead of living your life in order to impress others, live your life the way you want to live your life. Go to bars, clubs, galleries, museums, and spend time with yourself because you are your very own best friend. Fight the demons, find the faeries, study different religions, learn about the majick in the world, and when you’re ready find ways to harness it.

Go hard. Be as strange and weird and talented as you want to be, and if that means making people uncomfortable because of your afro, weave, braids, or fade then go for it. If you’re going to embrace all the parts of yourself that the rest of the world can’t understand, then you have to fully embrace yourself.

Lately, I am seeing so many “nice guys” on Twitter talking about how they do everything possible to find the holy grail that is a woman’s vagina and all I can think is “my dude, it’s not about that.”

My entire life was spent being raised by a single mom, and too many men who saw me as nothing more than a walking vagina.

We live in a world that prioritizes money and fame over beauty and majick, but you don’t have to be like that. You don’t need the fanciest cars or houses to be happy. You don’t have to have an army of people telling you how great you are in order for you to be great.

I say all of this because I spent the last week feeling weakened by it all, only to remember that I made it this far, and I still have a long long way to go.

MELISSA MCCARTHY is one of the most talented, well-respected ACTRESSES on the planet. BECAUSE she EMBRACES the things the world says are weird or FUNNY about her.

If you want to be successful, you need to learn to play the game, be smart, sit back and watch as those that think they are smarter than you, fumble and fail because they can’t do the job that you can do.

Stand up for yourself, because at the end of the day all the people who are supposed to protect you, will walk away giving you advice like “hug your feelings” and “brush your hair.” Lipstick won’t change your life, but it will make you feel slightly pretty and maybe sometimes that’s all you need.

Celebrate yourself. Celebrate the things that make you happy, surround yourself with people who embrace your weirdness and who teach you how to do the same.

Maybe you need a break, maybe you need a vacation, maybe you need to carve out some time for yourself to heal and to strengthen your weapons again, so take the time you need, and then get up and show the world that you are everything you say you want to be.

Sending all my love,

Devon J Hall

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