Abuse

Can Men Just Fucking Not?!

Trigger Warning: This post contains graphic details of sexual abuse and rape. Please consider this your trigger warning.


This same man was caught, ON VIDEO, viciously beating the shit out of a Black woman.

Today I read a story about a fifteen year old Indigenous girl who was murdered by a forty-seven year old men, so again I ask, can men just fucking not?!

Can ya’ll stop defining us based on your idea of who you think we should be? can you stop deciding that we need to live our lives on your terms? Can you stop invading our spaces and telling us that we’re not good enough? Can you fucking please, PLEASE, just be men, and let us be women and stay the fuck out of our business?

I mean this sincerely, men in general are fucking terrible for mental health. Y’all don’t know how the fuck to stay in your lanes. Y’all have no idea how to treat women, you have absolutely zero respect for us, but you want us to believe that we can trust our safety to you?

No.

We fucking see you.

When you say shit like;

What you are really saying is that you can’t handle our drive, that it scares the fuck out of you. Fine, that’s acceptable, now get the fuck out of our way and let us be who the fuck we need to be, so that we can be happy. Because if you don’t you’re going to get steamrolled.

Women are not waiting at home in the kitchen with dinner on the stove, the kids completely bathed and ready for bed, with a glass of rum or whiskey in our hands dressed in our finest pearls waiting for you at the fucking door anymore.

Those days are fucking over.

We’re messy, we’re complicated, and we’re not going anywhere, we are legit taking over the planet. In every corner of the world, little girls are waking up to the idea that they can be more, have more, do more, change the world to fit them instead of changing in order to fit the world.

Women are tired, but we’ve also never been more invigorated to change the world than we are at this moment in time. And yes, Kamala Harris has a huge part to play in that, but she’s only one small cog in a world full of women who want different and better for their daughters and sons.

Men need to stop.

You need to stop hitting us. You need to stop raping us. You need to stop doing the shit that demeans our existence so that you can make your existence feel better and more powerful.

I remember, distinctly, being viciously beaten by a Black man during the night I was gang raped the last time. I mean “viciously.” The man was in prize fighter mentality mode and I was absolutely 100% his victim. He threw me around like a rag doll and beat the ever living shit out of me.

In response I laughed. Every time he hit me I fucking laughed and begged for more, and I didn’t care that he thought I was crazy, it was the best response at the time, because I knew that one way or another I was getting out of that room alive.

I got out alive, and I still laugh about the fact that I laughed, because no matter how hard he tried to beat me down I kept getting up and fighting back. In whatever way I could with whatever man they sent into that room, I did what I had to do to survive.

Women shouldn’t have to live like this. No one should. No one should ever feel the sting of abuse that comes from being abused by one of your own kind.

What we should be doing is taking care of each other, but as Vastia said yesterday on Twitter, too many Black men are trying to fit into white spaces by emulating the abusive nature of white men, against Black women, purely so they can fit in.

Enough is e fucking nough already. Stop trying to fit in with people who don’t fucking want you to begin with. It creates toxicity where it needs not exist.

There are so many beautiful, powerful, strong, wisdom filled Black men out there, trying to fit in with the white guys, when it should be, by all rights, the other way around.

Black men are descended from Kings, and yet they treat their female counterparts like trash, and I don’t understand this mentality. Y’all were raised by strong, powerful, wisdom filled Black women and you’re filled with this anger and rage that y’all only ever take out on Black women, instead of the white people who are trying to change everything about you and it’s fucking frustrating.

I don’t want to be your fucking punching bag, regardless of your skin color. I do not want to be your sex toy. I want to be seen and respected as a human being in my own right, who has the power to do whatever the fuck she wants without getting thrown into a wall because your dick’s too big to rape me.

Yes, that actually happened.

It just so happened to be done by a Black man who was frustrated he couldn’t rape me. He punished me, because he couldn’t get his rocks off by raping me.

That’s fucking psychotic.

That’s the shit that Black women, and women who have been abused deal with all the time, and then we’re told that it’s our fault because we weren’t loyal, because we wore a skirt, because we have brown skin, because we have white skin, because the sky is blue, because giraffe’s exist, because because because because men are fucking stupid crazy.

There is no coming back from raping or beating a woman. I will never, ever trust a man accused of being a rapist or an abuser. This isn’t about forgiveness, it’s about knowing that if I am not safe around you then I am not fucking safe period.

There is no space in the world except my own home that I feel safe, and I worry every single day of my life that safety and this solitude is going to be interrupted by men who are angry that I spoke out about the abuse that I suffered.

I go to bed every single night, lately with tears, wondering if “tonight” is going to be the night that I die because some man decides to kick down my door and murder me.

The RCMP, and even the Doctors think this is paranoia, I think given my experience this is fucking normal as shit.

I think it would be weird if I didn’t worry every day of my life, that this is going to be the last day. I’ve seen death, up close and personal, and I am absolutely convinced that the last time I was gang raped, I very nearly died.

I will never forget the way that white man’s chubby fingers felt as they wrapped around my throat, as he raped me, while telling me that he wanted me to die. While he was inside of me.

Don’t fucking tell me that men are the heros in this world. They used to be. When I think about Hercules and Achilles, when I think about Thor and Zeus, Aries and Mars, I think of God like creatures who overcame insurmountable odds to become heros.

There was a time when men genuinely wanted to save the world and be heros, and at some point y’all gave up and settled for whatever you got, by destroying that which loves you the absolutely most.

Don’t. Don’t make excuses. Don’t fucking apologize, if I never hear “I am sorry” ever a fucking gain, it’ll be too God damned soon.

I don’t want your apologies, I want to see you become better men. I want you to deal with that anger and rage. I want you to really focus on the shit that makes you miserable and cut it out of your lives so that you can be better human beings.

I want you to find the place where you are happy with your life, where you look around and realize that you are giving more than you are getting, and accept that this is the way it is supposed to be.

Until that happens no woman is safe, no girl is safe. Until men, as a collective decide that they are going to start calling each other on their shit, until men as a group decide that they are not going to stand for us being beaten, raped and “owned” by fucking wannabe colonizers who are living in a time that no longer exists, no woman no girl is safe.

We can do this alone – don’t get it twisted. Women can and absolutely will take over the world one day, but we’d much rather have you by our side than against us.

The choice remains as ever, yours.

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