Dear Wannabe Oprah, someone in my life is full of shit and I am not sure how to get it through their heads that it’s okay to let it be sometimes. That it doesn’t always have to be about them, that they don’t have to be the center of attention at all times. I am not sure what to say or how to say that I need more from them than they are offering, and what’s worse is that this person is in my family so I can’t exactly just cut them off, even though it’s something I’ve tried in the past. They always seem to find a way to worm their way back in. Please help.
Cut them off again. And again. And again. And as many times as it takes to get the message through to their heads. People like this can be incredibly frustrating to deal with, I know this because the letter from the person above is me, and I am trying to write this as if I were giving advice, so I can untangle the bullshit they have infused into my life.
This is a person who talks until there is no air in the car, until there is no air in the room…and then they keep talking. I have witnessed personally, this person talk for hours on end without taking a break, while getting frustrated and angry if you try to point it out.
This person is your classic narcissist.
They cannot be helped because they do not see their behavior as anything but exemplary, and even if they do need help they will find a thousand reasons not to get it, because they’re perfect and everyone else is wrong.
I am tired of dealing with this personality type, and as tired as I am I am confused by them because I haven’t learned how to deal with them without getting angry, and I very much want to learn how to be more patient with the people around me.
It’s always funny to me, when people describe me to my mother behind my back, as if they don’t know I can or will find out what they say. Very few people say anything complementary, more often than not they like to criticize me and tell her what a brat I am or how misbehaved I am as if I were a child.
It’s part of the reason I am glad I no longer work with my mom, at long last I can do what I please without everyone watching me to see how I will react or what I am doing so they can race back and tell my mother.
I am a thirty-seven year old woman who spent her entire twenties being watched by Politicians and Cops, all of whom had something to say about the kind of person they think I am based on the most minute details.
Very few people know that I prefer to be an introvert, that if given the choice I would be a recluse on a beach somewhere writing from abroad with very little contact with humans, except my chosen few.
Very few people know that I like helping others, or that I devoted my twenties to doing just that while I wasn’t getting paid for it for years, and those that do understand why.
It wasn’t just a job to me, it was a calling, being kind to others and helping them was all I was about back in that day, even when I rarely got that kindness reciprocated.
Now that I am older however, I recognize the signs of these narcissistic personality types and I just shake my head in frustration, because you can’t talk to these types of people. You can’t reason with them, nothing is ever their fault, and everyone else is always to blame.
I used to be like that, but the thing is that at a certain point you have to actually adjust your own behavior and that’s what I am trying to do. I get frustrated with my mom and this person when we are together because they both nag me for annoyingly different reasons and nothing I do is good enough. They can both say and do as they please, but no matter how I respond it’s never the correct way.
This is what it means to be surrounded by narcissistic personalities, but when I say that, I am the bad guy, because…well they’re perfect.
People have been telling me to walk away from my family since I was eighteen, and while a certain part of me wonders what would have happened if I did, I also know how grateful I am to have them in my life.
They aren’t always bad, sometimes they are even downright supportive and that feels pretty amazing after so many years of feeling completely alone while I was surrounded by people who claimed to love me.
Unfortunately cutting this person off is going to be difficult, but why surround yourself with people who don’t understand how to communicate with you and show absolutely zero interest in learning how to communicate with you? Why spend time with people who think their behavior is above reproach while you of course are always the bad guy?
There’s no winning there, there is no happiness there, there is only frustration and hurt feelings…so it looks like one more time I need to stop talking to this person….maybe they’ll get the fucking hint.
You can’t treat people like crap and then expect that they are going to be nice about it….and that goes both ways.
Do you have a narcissist in your life? How do you deal with them? PLEASE let me know in the comments below, I would love some advice.
Sending all my love,
Devon J Hall