And yet, here we are.

Many a brave white woman tried to use “#SayHerName” For Renée Nicole Macklin Good, and while I understood why they believe she matters to this world, I don’t think many of them understood one fundamental fact:

The Reason She Matters to Black Women is Vastly Different, Than The Reason She Matters to White Women.

To white women, Renée Nicole Macklin Good matters because she looks just like them…”Even if she was in a relationship with another woman.”

She could be any white woman on the block, and she could be any woman that any white woman in America knows as a friend, a colleague, a teacher of their children. A cousin, a sister. Someone that they recognize.

To Black people, Renée Nicole Macklin Good is a reminder that we have been saying, for centuries now, “Eventually the government is going to turn on you, and then you will say we aren’t there for you.”

And here we are.

This is precisely what the ancestors predicted. This is precisely what Civil Rights Leaders predicted, and one by one, every time a leader rises, another falls.

No matter how many Black Civil Rights Leaders there are out there fighting for equality, it will never compare to the number of Black Civil Rights Leaders who have been murdered, admittedly by the US Government, or in terrorist attacks that were covered up to protect the guilty parties.

Time and time again, Black Civil Rights Leaders in America, “The Most Free Country In All The Land,” have been forced to flee their home and go live on the “Underground,” in order to survive and continue the work they do for some of the most marginalized communities in your country.

Your problem, as a white woman, is that you’ve been taught that the rest of the world sees you as a leader and has all the respect for you in the world. But the truth couldn’t be further from the lie. When I was growing up, I was taught that America was a dictatorship masquerading as a free nation.

I was taught America was a place where dreams and souls go to die. And as I got older and heard about the number of deaths by white and Black cops, I learned about Rodney King by watching it happen live.

For weeks, I watched the riots and their aftermath, and I learned that “All that glitters isn’t gold.” I was a child, and I had no understanding of why that man was beaten within an inch of his life. I didn’t understand, and I wasn’t taught to understand.

I grew up being unaware of what white supremacy was, while simultaniously living with the consequences of white supremacy in every area of my life.

My education wasn’t supported, because I wasn’t seen as worthy of having an education that would fuel a positive future for me, and so I became a lazy student who “Got by,” until they sent me on my way with barely a wave and a “Good luck.”

I was a child, even at eighteen, I was given no direction throughout my life, and any dream I had of being a ballerina, an astronaut or anything else that might matter to the world went out the window in a depressing, heartbreaking series of sexual assault that ripped at my soul and in very real ways ended life as I knew it. Multiple times.

I don’t tell you this because I want you to feel sorry for me. I tell you this because I am one in four.

One in four girls is raped every eight minutes. And for a long time, I was one of those girls.

Sexual Assault Statistics in Canada

A Numerical Representation of the Truth

• Of every 100 incidents of sexual assault, only 6 are reported to the police
• 1 – 2% of “date rape” sexual assaults are reported to the police
• 1 in 4 North American women will be sexually assaulted during their lifetime
• 11% of women have physical injury resulting from sexual assault
• Only 2 – 4% of all sexual assaults reported are false reports
• 60% of sexual abuse/assault victims are under the age of 17
• over 80% of sex crime victims are women
• 80% of sexual assault incidents occur in the home
• 17% of girls under 16 have experienced some form of incest
• 83% of disabled women will be sexually assaulted during their lifetime
• 15% of sexual assault victims are boys under 16
• Half of all sexual offenders are married or in long-term relationships
• 57% of Aboriginal women have been sexually abused
• 1/5th of all sexual assaults involve a weapon of some sort
• 80% of assailants are friends and family of the victim

Now I’m free, but in the back of my mind, the voice is always there asking, “How long?” My nervous system is a complete wreck, and I am every single day wondering if, as I go out for a smoke, which it would be: will it be a robbery or a drive-by that takes me out? Knowing full well, eventually, it will be something.

This is the result of white supremacy, this is what true terror is, knowing that at some point, someone somewhere is going to get tired of your shit and decide that your life has to end, knowing full well that no matter what anyone says or does, or how paranoid they tell you that you are, that you are going to die violently, is a kind of fear I wouldn’t wish on anyone ever. Except pedophiles.

I am unafraid of death. I’ve faced that before and survived to tell the tale; whether or not you believe me is irrelevant.

Science proves people can be brought back from the brink of death; that’s not even new. Jesus did it 2000 years ago; he just did it with more flair than the rest of us.

What I am trying to say Dear White Women, is this: We as Black, Black and Biracial, Indigenous, Indian, Asian, and Mult-differently-abled, understand precisely what it feels like to be “Hunted,” and “Collected,” abused, and tortured simply because we exist in bodies or in ways that offend or confuse those who support white supremacy.

This fear that it could be you, that the President of the United States of America could hold up your photo and call you a terrorist, is new. To You.

It’s not new to us.

It’s not new to those of us who have been saying “Yo something stinks in yo house maybe do a cleanse,” and now many of you mayonoaise minons are out there screaming “Why aren’t Black people at the front?” The fuck should we be?

Nearly 11 fucking centuries ago, your ancestors started demanding in vicious ways that my people’s ancestors trade with them. And when they ran out of funds and workers by exploiting their own kind, they turned to exploiting those of richer, more powerful nations, through subterfuge and genocide.

Now you want the angry, pissed off “WE FUCKING TOLD YOU SO” descendants, WHO ARE STILL CURSED BY YOUR KIND, to save you.

Bitch, please.

Biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiitch pleeeeeeeeeeease.

Like, be for so fucking real, you can’t really think To Day, the second day of February is the day to say shit like “Hey, why do Black people get to rest?” Because that’s how we break curses, that’s why.

I’ll be taking the month of Feburary off to find ways to support myself and get shit together so that I can get back to finding myself a job, because honestly, too many of you are watching me do the work of struggling to get through a brick wall while I explain exactly how to do it as I try to fight past your ignorance and I am tired.

There are over 1000 blog posts on this website and hundreds of pages, so please, by all means, take time to enjoy what I’ve already written. If you’re reading this, yes, I’ve changed the site layout again, and that’s because it was driving me nuts and far too uninviting, so I hope you don’t mind the change.

As for all of you who dare get on any social media app to ask why Black people aren’t saving you, it’s because they’re too busy drinking red wine and eating popcorn.

AS THEY SHOULD BE!

XOXO

Devon J Hall

The Original Loud Mouth Brown Girl