So This is It…

This is the beginning of something new. It’s precisely what I would expect it to be in a film about anyone who has the kind of dreams that I have. One day, if I work really hard, maybe they’ll write something about me, and it’ll be about how I grew up in a place that didn’t want me to be here.

There are, if you are someone in my position, every reason in the world to no longer want to be here anymore, and that’s largely because the world is hard to live in. But for some reason I can’t quite put my finger on – seriously – I still kind of want to be here.

The words “this is it?” haven’t dropped from my mouth yet, which tells me that I haven’t found whatever it is I’m looking for.

I know it’s not a man, I know it’s not a family, but I also know it’s a moment that I can’t choose or define until Destiny decides I’m ready to experience it. I don’t know where this knowing came from, just that it exists.

I haven’t hit the point yet where I want to throw everything away and search for answers at the bottom of the bottle, so I think I’m doing something right, though I’m not entirely sure what precisely it might be.

I just know that I have a lot of support and even though I feel like – and am – the worst animal owner in the world, I am doing everything I can right now to not give up on myself.

People will judge me, they will throw stones, they will hate me, and none of that will matter…Still not sure why just know the why doesn’t matter as much as the how.

Sending all my love,

Devon J Hall

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