We talk a lot about toxic positivity, but I am positively positive, that if you are single in February you are kind of awesome.
Take a look at your life, and ask yourself some questions, this works whether you are single or not.
- Are you happy?
- Is this where you need to be?
- Is this where you want to be?
- What changes can you make that will get you to where you want to go?
- Are you ready to be making these changes?
- Are you afraid to make these changes?
- Why?
- What would help you move past the fear so you can make the positive changes needed?
These are the questions I’m asking myself right now, and honestly, the one thing that keeps rolling around in my head is that I need less male energy around me, as little as possible.
I genuinely believe that I have overdosed on male energy over the years, constantly trying to be who I thought guys wanted me to be, and always going home disappointed when they didn’t respond the way I want them to.
Each of the parts of me is trying to understand why I am not trying to race into a relationship, and it’s only because my whole life I’ve been saying I’m not really ready to be with anyone else, but the people I was with, weren’t willing to hear me. I can count on 1 hand the number of men I’ve chosen to be with, enjoyed being with, and even still respect. I only need a few fingers for that.
I’ve never been interested in romance or relationships because I had other things I wanted to pursue. I wanted to study and learn about the world, and now here I am doing that. I’ve only just started to peel back layers of myself that are fascinating, and so just like I wasn’t ready to write a book at five years old, I’m not ready to get married at 40.
But, that doesn’t mean that I don’t have love in my life, or that I am unloved. It just means that I don’t have a partner, and I am okay with that. This is the choice I’ve made.
Now reminding myself daily is another task altogether. I have to remind myself, on purpose, that I made this choice, and that it’s okay to be sad sometimes, but it’s not okay to let the sadness consume me.
Every month this year I am gathering tools so that I can dress up as the Love Letter Faerie for the Pride festivals, and I get to do that. I’m the only one in the entire world who dresses up as a Love Letter Faerie every year, and so what I don’t have is absolutely filled by what I do have.
I hope you’ve started to think about your own life while reading this post, and that you remember that being lonely isn’t the same as being unloved.
Sending all my love,
Devon J Hall
Loud Mouth Brown Girl 