If you’re wondering why I’m not posting every single day it’s because I am working on a new book, and today I have a meeting to talk about licensing the LMBG brand to bring some extra money through the door and I am very excited about this prospect.
There are a lot of really amazing brands out there that I’d love the opportunity to work with, and I am excited about finding new avenues to spread my message about mental health and trauma, and I know I have a long way to go before I am done, but I’m starting to feel like I remember why I wanted to do this, to begin with.
I’m not talking about the crazy over the top I want revenge reasons, I’m talking about offering hope, and reminding people that things get better when you work towards your goals one day at a time.
For the first time in my life, I am acknowledging that I am grieving my loss of the church community. I don’t think I’ve ever acknowledged or been aware that I really miss the church until recently when I started working on the book.
I disconnected from a lot of people that mean a lot to me and I lost connection with my community when I left the church, and that’s a really big loss that I had for five years I didn’t discuss.
So I’ll be working on that, and how I feel about it because I know that if I am going to have the chance to move forward, I have to say goodbye to what used to be, and let it go cleanly without shame or guilt for leaving when I know that leaving was the right choice.
For almost all of last year I was looking for the old me as if I lost her, instead of embracing the new version of myself that isn’t the person I used to be. I didn’t make space or room for growth because I was kicking against it without realizing it. If I’m not moving forward then I am not risking anything and then I can’t get hurt again.
The problem though is that this is no way to live. We have to make room for what’s coming by letting go of what was, without fear, and it’s fucking terrifying to do that. To spread your arms and fall knowing you don’t know where or what you’ll land on is terrifying, but its also exhilarating.
I wouldn’t go jumping out of an airplane any time soon, but I’ll take this. I’ll take trying to figure out where I am going by accepting where I am and choosing not to ignore the responsibilities in front of me out of fear or shame.
Today I got to speak to Renita, and even if it’s just a hello, that always puts me in a good mood. Our conversations are true, we don’t lie to each other, we don’t hide from each other, and we share our friendships with others. We work at our friendships by putting the time in, and I really appreciate that about our connection.
This reminds me BeYourOwnKind.Com is hosting a love day in Feb. and the tickets are free, so head on over and grab yours today, come meet The Love Doctor, and hear about how to find love when you need it the most.
Sending all my love,
Devon J Hall
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