She warned us. For years my friend Heather ranted, raved, protested, and reminded the world what a piece of shit COlin Basran is, but it wasn’t until he was accused of sexual assault, that I really fully started to wake up and pay attention.
For days I wondered what to say. I’ve been talking about gang rape and rape for years, I should say something, I thought to myself. I should remind people that just because I’m healing, that doesn’t mean I’m healed, I should remind people that I was a victim who only became a survivor because I spoke out.
I Should say something I thought, and remained silent, not because I didn’t support and don’t support his alleged victim, but because I am so fucking tired. I am so bone tired of hearing about all of the women who are murdered, missing, gone, vanished, abused, tortured, raped, and beaten down, purely because men feel they are “owed” sexual encounters.
Just because men think that their penis allows them to do whatever they want as if it’s some majickal rod given to them by God instead of a genetic disorder.
For those of you who don’t know, Colin is the former mayor of Kelowna, a town not far from where I live, where gang rape and rape happens so often that the government has had to step in and talk about the number of rape cases that went reported and un-investigated.
I am angry. I don’t know if Colin is guilty or not, but what I do know is that this man was put in a position of power, and at some point he clearly made someone feel uncomfortable enough that they decided they had been sexually abused, enough so that they decided to then speak out.
Kudos to that person. Kudos out to that person whoever you are for shoving that shit pile’s crap right back in his fucking mouth. I know I should have listened but I’m by all rights still in a state of shock at my own condition and so sometimes even though I know and knew Heather was right, the fact that Heather was speaking out meant I could just sit here and rest in my tired space for awhile.
I’m not sleeping on the women who are missing. I know there are two women missing now in Winnipeg who might be found if not for the police’s desire to be fucking lazy. So I too have been a victim in Winnipeg and fully understand the calls for the chief of police to resign and I agree.
Since the first woman walked this earth, women have been persecuted, in small pockets of time on this planet, some of us have been granted grace enough to be free and celebrated, but in almost every place on this planet, women, and “certain kinds of men,” (read men,), have been turned into victims by abusers who thought they were too powerful to receive any kind of reprimand.
I’m tired of demanding that justice be done for the
billions of trillions of victims of rape crimes. I’m tired of demanding that people in my community have houses to live in because y’all don’t listen to me anyways. I’m tired, I am fucking tired, I AM FUCKING EXHAUSTED, of telling ya’ll to keep your fucking hands to your fucking selves and leave the rest of us alone unless we deliberately invite you into our space.
I AM TIRED.
But I’m not done.
If you have thoughts you’d like to add about this post, please leave a message, and let’s talk about them,
Sending All My Love,
Devon J Hall