Some days You’re Just Emotionally Quiet

Today, or rather, yesterday for you reading this, was like that. I cleaned the kitchen, took the garbage out, and felt good about the fact that on this day I was emotionally mature enough to be responsible before things get bad again.

It’s hard to remember that I deserve to pull away from the internet for a while. That I deserve to put work aside, relax and just enjoy the act of doing human things again.

I have been so focused on building this blog and doing really great emotional work on myself that doing the physical stuff is just not productive enough for my brain, but I have found that if I don’t stand up for five minutes a day then I am emotionally tired the next day than the one before.

Exercise is important to me, but dancing is harder with each day and honestly, it’s getting too cold to go for walks, and I know these sound like excuses but after being in the same position for two years, I admit my ability to exercise, has wained, but my desire hasn’t.

I want to start dancing again, I want to keep moving and keep heading in a forward direction, but it’s hard when you’re sole focus is on keeping yourself safe. Every night I go to bed silently praying I make it through and every day lately I am grateful to find my stalker seems to be leaving me alone for now.

There have been fewer night visits and they seem to have stopped about four weeks ago, I am hoping whoever they are, they stay gone. I am so tired that half the hairs growing in on my newly shaved head are already white.

This tells me that now that the bulk of the house is cleaner, it’s easier for me to build a new routine that isn’t entirely based on Loud Mouth Brown Girl 24/7 anymore. I can settle back and post every day or every few days and still be okay with the depth of how I am doing.

What is something you’re excited about, that inspires you to keep going when you’re feeling down?

Sending all my love,

Devon J Hall

If you have thoughts you’d like to add about this post, please leave a message, and let’s talk about them in the comments below

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