This post contains conversations about Trauma due to PSTD from religious and sexual abuse and Mental health issues. It may be triggering for some. Please use the link below if you or someone you know needs help. If you are in immediate danger if you can find a neighbour or dial 911.
Do be warned that Phone Line Operators ARE ABSOLUTELY calling the police if they think you are in danger…just so you know.
Keep Going…You Can Do It
“To those who abuse: the sin is yours, the crime is yours, and the shame is yours. To those who protect the perpetrators: blaming the victims only masks the evil within, making you as guilty as those who abuse. Stand up for the innocent or go down with the rest.”
― Flora Jessop, Church of Lies
I know that I have a great destiny. I don’t know where I am going, or how I’ll get there, I don’t even know who I might turn into when this life is over, but the one thing that I know for sure is that when people are being abused, there will always be those who support the abusers, no matter what.
A man, a woman, or a non-binary person, can be standing over a dead body, covered in blood, with the murder weapon in hand, and if the community loves them enough, that person will 100% get away with murder. We’ve seen it with OJ Simpson, we’ve seen it with countless others.
Elon Musk’s father just had his second child, with his step-daughter, and no one, and I mean no one is blinking an eye. People will still party with the goof, people will still attend his events, support his need for money and fame, and people will 100% stand beside him while his stepdaughter, the mother of not one, but two of his children, stands by smiling like everything is perfectly fine. I can’t speak for her, but I know how I’d feel if I were her.
When you’re stuck behind closed doors with your abuser(s) you’ll do anything to survive. If you’re stuck in an actual prison, where your life is on the line because any one of a 1000 people might kill you just so they can have a better blanket, or more smokes, or more outside time, you’ll say and do anything to keep yourself safe.
Men that I have loved, or might have loved, or could have loved, were murdered and put in prison because of what happened to me, and those were just warning shots. “This could happen to you, so keep your mouth shut.”
When I finished editing “I’m Still Talking,” it occurred to me, that I have a lot to address, a lot to deal with, and I didn’t want to do it alone, so I mistakenly asked someone for help, forgetting that by even talking to that person I was putting him, and his family in danger.
I could care less about “him,” he can protect himself, always has and always will. The people in his life who are vulnerable however have children, and drug addictions, and those two things alone, can be exploited to make sure that when I say “so and so can back me up,” so and so might be and probably will be too afraid to do so.
Which means that unfortunately, The Loud Mouth Brown Girl is on her own. I’m used to that, I’ve been alone my entire life, but what I’m not used to is having to decide whether to put OTHER folk’s lives at risk to tell My story – clearly, that decision has been made, because I’ve been writing about The Hells Angels, and thankfully I’m safe, but what about the others?
Cops don’t care. And it’s not because they don’t want to, i know this because I’ve worked with plenty of them at the church, most of whom had no idea how to connect to the men and women that we worked with. They had no concept of what it feels like to not have a safe place to call home because cops always have a safe place to call home. When they take off their badge and gun at night, they don’t have to worry someone is going to break in and rape their daughters or sons or kill their wives. Whose going to attack a cop?
“One moment you’re the hammer, the next the nail.”― Marty Rubin
The rest of us don’t have that luxury. We are born into lives with rules already set for us, and if we don’t have the rules explained as we age, then we have to learn them as we go, and those rules for the rest of us, often involve keeping the secrets of our abusers, to keep our families and friends safe.
There are days when I sit here and I think about how great it would be to have a fancy house or car, and it’s true I’m not going to lie, I want all of that, but more than that I want the boys who were raped when we were kids, and the girls who were threatened or beaten into silence to be safe, and I sometimes feel like the more that I get super honest about Surrey BC and the life that we were forced to live, so that at the bare minimum we could “just” survive, the more that I’m stirring up more dirt than necessary.
The other side of that though, is why should I be the only one to get out of gang life? True I made different choices than some of those men are making, but I also don’t have kids that can be used against me as a weapon. I don’t have anyone that I’m dating, I’m not married to anyone whose life would be in danger if I didn’t do what the ones in charge tell me to do.
I have freedoms that my family and other people don’t have, and that’s why I’m going so hard on Jamie Bacon being innocent of gang rape, and of a certain set of murders, it’s true, and completely because I do not believe he gave the order. I believe people are SAYING that he gave the order, to protect themselves. Can I prove it? Absolutely not, did I tell the cops this? Of course, do they care? pfft no, and you know why? Because it’s Jamie Bacon.
It Is Not A Police Officer’s Job To Protect The Innocent, That’s What Soldiers Do. Cops Investigate Cases, and Close Cases. That’s It. As Far As Innocent or Guilty, That’s For The Courts To Figure Out, So When One Is Being Framed, The Courts Don’t Care Either…UNLESS You Can Prove It In Time.
No one gives a fuck HOW he became “The Jamie Bacon,” of “The Bacon Brothers,” and no one will give a fuck until some douche from Hollywood comes knocking and says “hey I’d like to make a movie about this crime.” THEN the world will care, and Netflix will make deals to secure the biopic rights so that Jamie can be even more famous than he is without actually making any money on the project, (see Anna Delvy), I won’t be mentioned because what happened to me “has nothing to do with what happened to him,” but as I sit down to watch the way that Hollywood tells the story, I’ll know where they got it wrong.
They’ll ignore pedophile cops and regular cops who protect them, and they’ll only tell the story that offers the Hollywood ending where Jamie’s “one true love,” doesn’t actually kill herself in a fucking nasty-ass hotel room. A needle is the EASIEST way to fake a suicide, but no one ever considers that side of the street.
No one ever considers that IF Jamies one true love died, it might not have been by her hand, because “she was clearly depressed and had a drug addiction” – honestly I don’t know because I never knew Madison Sinclare, never met the girl, but I know PRECISELY what happens when you are a woman or a girl or a child connected to gang life.
Your life is ALWAYS on the line, because of who you know, or worse, because of who people THINK you know.
It doesn’t matter that I have never met the Bacon family since moving to British Columbia, but what I do know is that every fucking time I go to the police to talk about what happened to ME, his name keeps coming up, and it usually starts with, “one man told me to remember that Jamie Bacon said hello, while he was raping me,” and ends up with EVERY fucking cop asking me, “how do you know Jamie Bacon?” and as SOON as I say “I DO NOT KNOW THE FUCKING MAN, I’VE NEVER MET HIM,” they close my case, and I never hear from them again.
Now, here’s the pisser:
I’ve reported more than 30 cases of sexual assault against me, alone, and almost all of those cases involved individual rapists claiming they were members of or associated with The Hells Angels, as a child of COURSE I believed them because I didn’t know any better.
As an adult however I’m calling bullshit because I’ve been talking about gang rape for years and not 1 member of The Hells Angels has told me to stop, or even come to talk to me about my claims. Not one, which leads me to believe they either don’t know what I’m writing, don’t care, or hope I continue so that pedophiles pretending to be Hells Angels will get caught and shut the fuck up about being Hells Angels.
In fact, SEVERAL times over the last 6 years I’ve received messages of support – specifically from women – who understand exactly what I was talking about, what I am talking about, and the things that I can’t talk about.
No, I’m not talking about names, I am talking about the awful evil things they did to me, to us, because I don’t want to contribute to the online databases of the child trauma porn industry.
I survived that – millions of girls around the world survive things much worse than gang rape. Some women get set on fire, others lose limbs, others are beaten nearly to death before their children are raped and abused, it goes on and on and the only reason not to listen to me, is because it makes YOU uncomfortable to have to deal with what I went through.
I remember the next morning, after it was over, after Adam Hadwin “left for work,” leaving me alone in the little yellow and white house, my first thought was, “okay God, I survived that, what else you got?“
Each and every victim is supposed to know how to become a survivor overnight. But how are we supposed to know how to heal, when the ones who know how to heal are too afraid to come forward, and those that do come forward are called crazy?
Now, flip that around. If I, as one individual girl, went through more than 30 moments of being raped and abused, then what do you think other girls, boys, men, women, and non-binary people in this city are going through? How many other cases are going ignored by the North Delta, Abbotsford, Langley, Surrey, and other local mainland RCMP and Police detachments? If you don’t believe me have a chat with my friend Heather from Kelowna. (Where allegedly the WolfPack got its start before becoming “one of the biggest gangs in the country overnight 🙄)
If the RCMP and the Police services are too afraid, too annoyed, or too pissed off at Jamie Bacon, to listen to the fact that his friends, enemies, associates, or God knows who decided to rape me and use HIS name in particular, just to terrify me, what the fuck else is happening in Jamie Bacon’s name that he doesn’t know about? What’s happening in the names of other people, that the people being named, know nothing about?
“Well, how do you know Jamie Bacon doesn’t know you?” EASILY. The only person I know who hates me as much as anyone hates someone they gang rape, is the only person I knew back then who was TRULY a drug dealing gang affiliated goof who likes to hang out at Surrey Central where he picks up little girls and makes them hold his dope while the cops have watched for the last 15 years and done nothing about it. He’s the ONLY one, who was connected enough to be close to Jamie Bacon.
INTERESTINGLY this same person – the one who organized, ordered, and orchestrated the entire night – is the same person who told the cops he was hypnotized, which I find hilarious because when we lived in Calgary he was the worst bully I ever had. He used to call me GM Truck and thought I’d never remember.
If you look up Saint James School and go through the yearbooks, you’ll find Justin Morris’s name and picture, just like you’ll find mine.
Imagine my surprise at seeing him walk into the Flamingo Hotel after only ever seeing him at Surrey Central, – fuck imagine my surprise at learning that peice of shit was hanging out in the same place as Surrey Crew – a group of awesome and asshole kids I hung out with in my early 20s. I had completely forgotten him until years later when someone reminded me he’s the same kid from Calgary.
I still remember the dopey “I made it,” look on his stupid racist, pathetic rapist face. I will NEVER forget it because the REAL Angel wouldn’t let me hit him, as much as I wanted to.
The REAL Angel took my arm and we went outside to have a smoke because neither of us wanted to be around his bullshit. And ALL Of us stood outside smoking a joint refusing to talk about the douchbag sitting in our seats, next to Chris Tucker, who not only raped me as a child (14-15) but does the same shit Robert Kelly used to do, by making girls dress like boys – can’t imagine why THAT would be.
If you ever see that goof tattoo artist that works or owns the studio not too far from my house, you’ll more than likely see a girl dressed in gray with short hair – they are always dressed like that because it’s not always the same girl but they ALWAY look like boys or non-binary humans. I would wage the last inch of my soul if each and every one of them is a rape victim of his.
Not at all interesting to me that his tattoo shop used to be near where Pheonix tattoos used to be but is now terrifyingly close to my house. Does anyone ask the original owner of his shop why she stopped associating with him? Because I bet ALL of his victims know the answer.
NONE of the guys I hung out with at The Flamingo Hotel or TBarz was a drug dealing skeeze who would rape women, I can assure you. Mostly I know this because almost all of them were boys when WE started getting raped.
Now, THAT being said, he’s also the one who stuck a needle in my arm, and said “ha ha ha, a needle in the tattoed Angel ass of a bitch named Angel’s peice of ass.” On my left arm, I have a Martin Able-designed tattoo. (I totally stole the idea and I’m not apologizing, I needed this tattoo more than I needed to breathe)
The Tattoo is of an Angel on her knees, holding a kitten, which happens to be my totem animal apparently, (Thanks Lilbit and Honeybee). He put the needle in the inkless part of my skin, while he was laughing his ass off about how Bacon was gonna “get so much shit for this“.
I’ve written this before….there’s only 1 person in Surrey BC I know who goes by Angel, and he wasn’t a drug dealer, he was a guy who hung out at a strip club for the same reason I DID. Alcoholism is a hell of addiction, and the best place to get alcohol is in a bar. (For the record I no longer drink the way i used to, and I rarely drink at all anymore. Weed for me please.)
I mean it’s not fucking rocket science.
In the coming months, I’ll be talking about my connection to The Light bringers organization, which is how Keith Rainer got his start as both a cult leader of NXIVM, and a child sex trafficking piece of shit, who raped children in Calgary, and ONLY got away with it, because someone started a gang war, to cover his tracks.
The United States Government – as well as Rainier’s lawyer, know that I was one of his victims because when his name came up in the news I called them, I emailed them, and I told them I was one of his victims, and they either didn’t believe me or didn’t care, because what a PR Nightmare would that have been? A famous well known Cult Leader with ties to the Dhali Lama, but also the leader of an across-border child sex trafficking scheme?
That’s something our government can’t handle. Especially when it’s coming from the voice of a Black woman, right? Because all his victims were white…or at least the ones they know about.
Before I can release my second book the truths have to come out, or I’m just another liar trying to make money on half the story, and I just can’t be that, not in this world or any other.
Sending all my love,
Devon J Hall
The Loud Mouth Brown Girl Shop #604North is OPEN again and while we only have the Stay Lifted Sis collection currently, many more are on the way in the coming months.
Uncomfortable is an Uncomfortable read of un-edited essays written by the Loud Mouth Brown Girl, during the start of the 2020-2021 pandemic era on planet earth. It’s a difficult read filled with reminders that no matter how much the universe tries to squish us, we keep pushing through and moving forward to become our best selves. Grab a copy from Amazon on Kindle or Paperback Here.