Okay, folks, we took the time we needed. We took a break off, or maybe that was just me, but it’s time to get back to work, it’s time to get back to life. Tonight I was talking with miss red shoes, also known as me’ mum, and it occurred to me…the reason that I’m so fucking miserable is that I’m bored.
I haven’t been out and about and around people in years. Except to go to the grocery store. I haven’t been out to dinner in over a year, even alone. I’m tired because I’m feeding off my own energy like some kind of hermit vampire, and I’m legit over it, so it’s time to get back to life.
But how do we do that safely in the middle of a pandemic? It’s difficult not to empathize with the convoy people because I get it. I too am sick of the mask, but I’d rather have a mask than die, go ahead and call me crazy, but like…is it hurting you? Awww muffin cakes, is my masking my face causing you pain? Too bad, because that’s not going anywhere any time soon.
I’ll still carry disinfectant in my purse, and I’ll still ask for a mask if I forget one. I’ll also make sure that I’m not going out every single day like I used to, but I have got to get out of this house because I am going nuts.
Well, the world is going to Hell in what’s left of the 1990s version of a golden handbasket, I am going to enjoy what’s left of my life without shame. I did everything that was asked for me, except get the Booster which I’ll get next month, I got a new job, I’ve got the right to celebrate these milestones of growth away from trauma, and I am not going to let people shame me into feeling bad about that.
That being said:
I did everything that was asked of me. I did what the doctors, nurses, and psychologists said I should do, but if I don’t start fighting for my life again, I’m never going to have one and it’s super important to me that I have one.
This isn’t about a person other than myself, and that’s the part that feels really good. I was on a roll when the pandemic hit, I haven’t made any money from the clothing line in 2 years, that’s not going to bode well for when I go to a bank for a loan so I can make the fashion side of LMBG bigger.
I fell through the cracks because I spent my entire life listening to what other people say, and I’ve done the best that I can with what I have left of my life, but if I don’t go outside and see the world any time soon, I really am going to go bonkers.
I know how hard it is to sit in your apartment every day and not be able to go anywhere, because of the pandemic, because of the funds, which is why I’m so grateful to my mom. This gives me something to look forward to that breaks up the monotony that I’ve been facing these last few months.
I couldn’t figure out why December’s fog was hitting me so hard, and I figured it was just holiday fatigue that hadn’t worn off yet, it was actually starting to scare me until I realized that since Christmas and even before then all I’ve done is left the house for five or ten minutes at a time.
Being so far from home will give me the chance to stretch my legs, walk around, be outside, grab a coffee, do all the normal things that I’ve been dying to do for the last several weeks and months. I’m excited about the chance to go out, but I’m more excited about the fact that I have something to be excited about again.
It feels like a very long time since that’s happened, and that’s because I’m definitely facing pandemic fatigue.
That being said, there’s a way for everyone to be able to “go back to normal,” respectfully, and a way for people to do it in the worst possible way. The people in the convoy did it in the worst possible way. They scared women, children, and men, they harassed people all day and all night with noise, they made a huge mess, and they have showcased the most disrespectful behavior a human being can have.
I am absolutely embarrassed and disgusted that this is how people in my country acted, but I’m not surprised, not all of us were raised right.
It’s humiliating to turn onto my favorite tv shows and see Canada constantly being a joke, instead of something to celebrate. The last time the world celebrated Canada, Cannabis was made legal. It’s been too long since Canada has been praised instead of shame for the behavior of our citizens.
That’s why it makes me so angry when I think of Doug McCallum and his campaign to defraud the city of Surrey citizens by making us pay his legal bills when he wasn’t on City time. He was on his own time, he should pay, he did the crime, and I hope they make him pick up garbage on the highway. I mean that seriously.
I am so tired of politicians, and when I look to Ukraine, I see President Zelensky and I see a man to be proud of. A man who danced in heels, who is fighting for his countryside by side with his soldiers, and a man who is telling the world exactly what his people are made of.
I am so excited to go out and see all the people and be by the water, and I can’t wait to share with you the other half of this post when I’ve gone.
Sending all my love,
Devon J Hall
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Uncomfortable is an Uncomfortable read of un-edited essays written by the Loud Mouth Brown Girl, during the start of the 2020-2021 pandemic era on planet earth. It’s a difficult read filled with reminders that no matter how much the universe tries to squish us, we keep pushing through and moving forward to become our best selves. Grab a copy from Amazon on Kindle or Paperback Here.