Herstory, His Story, Their Story, trauma

Is It Just Me…or Have We Seen This Before?

I’m serious. Book banning, abortion bans, hunting down trans folk because they’re different than you, making sure that it’s illegal to even try to protect trans kids. I mean seriously, it feels like our society has already visited this Hellmare, and what I can’t figure out is how the fuck we allowed ourselves to believe that we wouldn’t have to face it again and again.

When Hitler went away, (was killed, killed himself, ran away to a secret island, lives under the sea, moved to the moon, what the fuckever happened to that fucking piece of shit,) we wrongly let ourselves our ancestors wrongly let themselves believe that peace, meant that we’d be done with these battles.

I’m sure the soldiers who fought in the war knew better, and looking back I can’t imagine thinking that what happened in the years leading up to and even during the second world war would never happen again, but I have to imagine that at least one person out there said…”you know…this shit isn’t over.”

Like out loud. I have to believe that, because looking at what we’re facing today, I can’t imagine these bullshit wars over race, creed, nationality, orientation, size, or religion, or whatever the fuck ever, are ever going to go away and end.

Teachers, Doctors, Lawyers, even Judges who try to protect trans teens could be in danger now, and that means that they have very few places they can hide. Even if they can hide, where are they going to go? How many of the kids that are now in danger in places like Texas, can just pack up and leave and go somewhere else? And why do you think that it’s only happening in the USA?

It’s happening here too, and we saw that during the convoy protests, and I hesitate based on their behavior, the damage they caused, and the hurt they inflicted, to call them protesters.

It’s happening in every corner of the world, it’s happening in Ukraine tonight as I write this. This war isn’t over, it’s had large massive world-evolving battles, and it’s had little city-wrecking ones, but this battle is the same battle that our ancestors have been fighting since the beginning of time.

Every single human on this planet is a soldier fighting a war that they may not understand they are fighting, and the only reason I feel that way is because I was raised next to an army base.

I went to school with army kids, who were conditioned from an early age to believe that war was noble, and that being a soldier was the best you could possibly be. There’s a reason “be all that you can be” is a fucking cliche, if you’ve ever toured an army base you’ll understand the trauma those words cause many people around the world.

I realize now that Canada is not the only country that spends its time using soldiers to come into schools and talk about all the great things about being a soldier, this practice takes place across the globe and back again. It’s done in places where lots of soldiers’ children gather, to instill in them faith in the good old boy line of “country over blood.”

It’s the unspoken line of all soldiers, I know this because I grew up around them and I heard it a lot, largely from the kids I went to school with.

Patriotism is a powerful weapon against everything that is different, anything that is new, anything that doesn’t fit into a box. “If you don’t stand by the flag, you are UnAmerican, UnCanadian, Unwhatever.”

Right now Russia is invading Ukraine, this isn’t 1927, it’s 2022, it’s happening now and for weeks I’ve been sitting here thinking “What the fuck can I do when I’m one single voice?” The answer is there’s not a fucking thing I can do about Putin being a big old pile of garbage. Nothing, but use my voice to denounce his actions.

Just like I am using my voice to speak out against what is happening in Texas. It makes absolutely no sense to me that the United Nations is not rushing to the side of Ukraine right now when they are in such desperate need, but this shouldn’t surprise me, Palestine has been in danger since 1975 and no one’s given a fuck.

This world is going to Hell in a handbasket and predictably the only ones who are going to escape this planet are billionaires and their chosen few. Let them flea, because I’m still here fighting, but I gotta tell you all, I’m running out of ideas.

We’ve marched, we’ve screamed, we’ve yelled, we’ve been on the ground doing the work that no one else in the world wants to do, we feed the houseless, we house the houseless, we aid those dealing with poverty and opioid addiction disorder, we’ve cast spells and danced under the stars, and I just feel like we’re running out of options.

How much further is this going to have to go, before those on the “right” side of North America come to terms with the fact that they are literally trying to strip us of our lives, to make themselves more comfortable?

The world is tolerating the worst kind of behavior right now, and so many of us are stuck in the middle unable to fight unable to speak out because speaking out might put our lives or the lives of those we care about in even more danger. I get that more as an adult than I ever could understand as a child.

For the second time in my life, probably more than that if I really counted, I am learning about the effects of war, but this time through my television. I remember what war did to so many of the parents of kids I went through school with. Divorce was lucky, suicide was not.

Murder was even worse.

After war soldiers come back different, they are easily triggered, they are traumatized, and that trauma causes so much hurt for everyone around them. They feel as if they are burdened with stories they can never share, and often by law are burdened, they are not protected.

Trans kids on the other hand are not taught to be soldiers by ordinary training, they learn over time that they can’t trust, that they can be hurt, that they matter less than other kids. Like the Witches who come before, transgender kids who survive become heros, because so many don’t. Because they give us hope that there is a brighter future.

There’s just so God damned much darkness. It’s hard to find anything to hope for right now, it’s hard to believe that there’s a reason to fight, but that’s why we have to remember why we became radicalized to begin with.

Who was the person? What was the event? What was the experience that taught you that your voice matters? Because if it’s ever going to matter, it’s going to matter to the people of Ukraine and Palestine, it’s going to matter to every child in Texas right now. For the trans kids, for their family and friends, for their allies, for the people who love them.

If ever you’re going to use your voice, it has to be now.

Sending all my love,

Devon J Hall

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