Abuse, advice, Canadian Politics, CDNPoli, Written while Stoned

“Not My Country,” “I Can’t Believe This is Happening” “Canada?” And Other Lies White Canadians Tell Themselves

They raised over 10 Million dollars on their Go Fund Me.

They Hang Nazi Flags side by side United States of America Confederation Flags.

They have tossed garbage in the streets by the hundreds of bags.

They honk their horns at all hours of the day and night interrupting the healthy lives of the neighbors whom they are protesting around.

They abuse Politicians by calling them terrorists and other racist terms designed to demean and hurt.

They don’t give a flying fuck about you, your needs, or what will make you happy, they are proud Nazis and they are Canadian.

When I was 16 I said I wasn’t proud to be a Canadian of. I didn’t think there was much to be proud of. We were at the time, filled with white celebrities who behaved in the worst ways, but were always lifted up as heros. We had a country built on the blood of Indigenous folks, whose children were stolen and murdered at the hundreds at a time.

We were a country that followed America into war at the drop of the hat, a war mind you that lasted more than 22 years with literally none of the problems that caused the war being solved, corrected, or helped in any way shape or form, as proof by the Taliban taking over the moment the soldiers from America, Canada, France, England, and other countries left.

I was also a child who was abused by white men because of the color of my skin, which isn’t something I’d admitted yet, and so no, I didn’t think of anything back then, to be truly proud of, as a Canadian. I didn’t have any Canadian heros.

Today before I wrote this, I heard about a Black woman named Kelly Fyffe-Marshal.

She and her friends were detained after leaving a rental for the weekend because a white woman decided they didn’t belong in the home they had rented. The film is based on her emotional experience, “a slice of what it’s like for Black folk.” Her words. This woman is a Canadian hero to me. This woman created something that no other Canadian has ever created before and got her message out there for other Canadian’s to hear and know about, from here and abroad.

I’m proud of this woman, because THIS Woman, has answered the call and the question, and put herself out there so that she could show OTHER little Brown and Black girls that it’s okay to speak up and fight back.

These truckers? I see nothing to be proud of.

I see nothing cool about occupying an entire neighborhood to make a point about not wearing a fucking mask. Don’t wear the mask, fine, whatever, but y’all have gone too far. They desecrated the tomb of the Unnamed Soldier, allegedly someone used it as a bathroom, and then covered the Terry Fox statue in graffitti.

At what point do you think they’ve gone too far? At what point do you start to pay attention to the fact that Canada has been following in the steps of America since her inception as a country?! At what point do you realize that Canada has ALWAYS been racist, and in reality, she as a country has never hidden that fact.

The fake outrage, the “omg, not my country,” tweets are stale, and bullshit, because yes, your country. The country YOU were born into, the country YOUR grandparents, great grandparents, and yes even parents colonized. Mine too.

My mom and her entire family immigrated here, with the exception of one sister, who wasn’t born here, and my mom, my entire family is filled with Trump-supporting immigrants, or descendants of immigrants, and so yeah I wonder what they’d say about what’s happening, but I don’t ask because we don’t talk.

I’m a Black woman, in a family of white people, filled with white Trump supporters. Imagine for a moment what the fuck that feels like, and if you have to guess, no isolating isn’t the word.

Mind-numbing, angering, stressful, fearful, knowing my children may or may not be lighter or darker than me, is only one of the many reasons I don’t have children, and all of my reasons for remaining childless, revolve around being abused by friends, family, and neighbors. All of whom were white men.

I sat on a train once talking to my best friend for 45 minutes about how isolating it is to be a Black woman in Canada, and three weeks later our friendship was over. Meanwhile, the white woman on the train who sat next to me trying not to listen but actively listening said thank you, when I got up to leave. “I didn’t know it was so hard.” Well, now you do.

I’ve thought about not talking about racism here on the site, I’ve thought about keeping this website about mental health, but since racism affects my mental health, the council of Me, myself, and I, have decided that talking about race is imperative to the best wellbeing of my mental health.

So yeah, it counts.

I am tired of white people, my mom included because she doesn’t see it so much anymore, acting like the racism that Brown and Black people feel isn’t real until it gets to this point. These people have ten million dollars to play with, they like guns, they like hurting people, and they don’t care about the rule of law, clearly. What do you think is coming next?

You, out there are thinking “No, Devon it won’t get that bad,” and then when it gets that bad, I’m going to have to try not to Hulk punch you, because you’re going to pretend to be surprised. Fucking stop it. Stop pretending that this is a shock, stop pretending that this isn’t a fucking twenty-plus year plan.

All across Canada, there are millions of children of Soldiers, whose schools are filled with “meet a Soldier day,” where these men and women come into the classroom and condition them into this whole “white pride = country pride” bullshit, and I know this for a fact because it happened to us as kids in Calgary.

We were conditioned to believe that OUR soldiers could do no wrong, that OUR soldiers were heros, and protectors, and they wouldn’t hurt a soul.

Cpl. Nolan Caribou, 26, died by suicide in November 2017 while at CFB Shilo, in southwestern Manitoba, for a training exercise. He had served as an infantryman with the Royal Winnipeg Rifles, a reserve regiment, for five years.

CBC News

British Columbia has a highway named “The Highway of Tears” because of how many Indigenous women were taken and murdered from that area of the province.

Yeah, we have a problem, how many men were given a “Starlight Tour?” and if you want to know what that is Google it, I can’t because I don’t have the words to explain the disgusting nature of such cruelty.

Canada has always been racist, and until we acknowledge that that racism comes and is bred by the patriarchy fed by white supremacy just like in England, France, America, and other places where TOO MANY WHITE MEN ARE IN POWER, it’s never going to go away.

There are days I wake up and I don’t want to face the world, not because of my own mental health issues, but because of how much of this world is filled with darkness, and I need more Black women to raise up and share their stories. I’m going to start promoting more Black women on this site, that’s my promise because you need to know…I’m not alone.

Sending all my love,

Devon J Hall

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