You Don’t Find YOUR Purpose Until YOUR Purpose Finds You. That’s the Rule. – Devon J Hall
I want to teach. Stephen Coghlan was the first person to say that I was a teacher, and at the time I wrinkled my nose because I didn’t think that was true, but today I had my first “teaching” moment, and I found I really enjoyed it.
I was able to help my friend Kendra from Clear Direction Advisors, how to use her WordPress theme and how to ensure that it looks the way she wants it to. I taught her how to do that, and now she’s going to take what I taught her and do great things, and I know this from the bottom of my heart, and I am so grateful to her.
Today I learned that I can teach people something and that what I can teach, has value, and that matters to me a lot. It means the world to know that I have this skill, now that being said I have to refine it, and I’ll have to practice a lot more, but it’s one more thing that I can add to the pot of gold that is Loud Mouth Brown Girl.
It’s encouraging to know that I have skills that I didn’t know I had and that I can use those skills to build a future for myself, but you never know what you’re capable of until you try and that’s why I’m on the mental health kick so often with this website. If I hadn’t tried I wouldn’t have ended up here, and I like it here.
It was so overwhelming at first, so all-consuming, that I didn’t know if I could do it, I just knew that I had to at least take the shit and try and turn it into something that mattered to someone, and every single day people are showing me that my work matters.
I’m working on not getting too egotistical while simultaneously reminding myself to take the pats on my back when they come.
It’s a difficult place to be because my whole life – people like myself were told to be less of ourselves, to be quiet, to tone it down, even up to this past year, but in 2022 things are vastly different.
I am not focusing on what other people think I should be, I am honoring and celebrating the friendships that matter to me while shedding the relationships that are trying to hold me back with old traumas and hurts.
Setting yourself free from a past you didn’t want to have to survive so that you can live the life you want to is one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. No matter how many times “I” say I’m done with my past, there’s always someone whispering “wanna bet?” YES fucker, I’m done. I’m moving on, I’m moving, I’m not staying in the same place just so you can be comfortable.
There are people in this world who will let you be broken as long as it takes, and then there will be those that demand more of you than you’re ready to give, and you’ll have choices to make about the kinds of people that you want to have in your life, but the most important part is that you choose the people who are there when you’re broken AND as you are healing, without trying to compete with you.
This is largely because like my friend from Thick N Stylish, Delyse said this morning, people are far more interested in competing with you than they are in focusing their energies on working with you.
If people expect and want you to wait for them, at the sacrifice of your own dreams you have got to decide if waiting for them is going to be worth it, or if choosing to keep going is the best course of action, because you’re the only one in the world that can decide that for yourself.
I’m not interested in competing with anyone. I am on a level all on my own, and the women I work with are on levels all their own, it just so happens that our levels intersect, but that doesn’t mean that we’re on the same path. It doesn’t mean that our journeys will intersect forever, but for right now, yeah we’re moving in the same direction.
I am tired of surrounding myself with women – specifically – but men too, who want me to be less of myself, because I’d be a lot further ahead if I’d forgotten how to listen to them, instead of forgetting how to listen to myself.
Now y’all know if I’m quoting Snoop Dog it’s serious when I say, you gotta watch your back when you decide that you’re going to make YOUR dreams come true at the risk of letting go of the darkness holding you back.
Because no matter how many people say they are there for you, no matter how many times they tell you that you’re family, that’s only true so long as it benefits them.
Every Neighborhood Jesus has a Neighborhood JUDAS – Snoop Dog
It’s hard to believe that anyone could be jealous or envious of you when you’ve been told you’re not worth being jealous of, but what if they’re just gaslighting you into not being a threat because they couldn’t handle you at your absolute best when you believe in yourself the most?!
Something to think about.
Sending all my love,
Devon J Hall?