If lots of people could ACTUALLY do what I do, in their own bodies, with their own minds, hearts, and souls, there’d be an awful lot of Loud Mouth Brown Girl websites out there.
The reason that I, Devon J Hall, am the one and ONLY Loud Mouth BROWN Girl, is because I am the only person on this planet, who can be “me” the way that “I” would be me. No matter what anyone else thinks about that.
MY accomplishments are mine, and while I owe a lot of people some grace, some kindness, and some gratitude for helping me along the way, it was these two hands, these eyes, this body, that accomplished everything I have up to this point.
Time To Get Serious
When was the last time you really sat down and went through the list of shit that other people put you through? Take your time, but be prepared that if that’s the route you’re going to go, it’s going to take a really long time.
It took me about four and a half years before I sat at this computer, started taking this cannabis course and realized….”I’ve wanted this since I was eighteen.”
I didn’t know necessarily that I wanted it to be Cannabis I was learning about, I just knew that I wasn’t done with school, abuse had interupted a lot in my life, namely my education, and I was thirsty for more.
I realized today that the reason I couldn’t be doing back then what I am doing now, is that the world genuinely wasn’t ready for me yet.
When I was eighteen, the idea of studying Cannabis was still brand new, yes governments had been making it illegal for years, and studying it behind closed doors, but independent local growers weren’t really allowed to study the plant until the last fifteen years or so.
15 years ago you couldn’t just open a dispensary or a lab and say “hey we’re doing this,” there was a LOT of red tape to prevent people from understanding the green herb.
NOW however literally anyone can find a course that fits their needs, and become the cannabis Coach of their dreams.
In Her Story
Take the Devon that I used to be, that only rarely smoked cannabis, I really really did not trust myself around the people I was with when I smoked, so it took a lot for me to say yes. I think it was usually right before I knew a friendship was ending before I would sit down and smoke some with someone, and I honestly think it was sort of a “take care and I wish you well,” gift, because if I smoked with you, then you MUST have mattered to me for some particular reason that I wasn’t quite ready, or able to articulate in the English language.
The chorus of “holy shit Devon’s smoking a joint, I want in,” was actually embarrassing, because it became a bigger deal than it needed to be.
Like sex, cannabis should be held off on, until you are absolutely ready for all the doors that it’s going to open. It’s never too late to start using the cannabis plant for a variety of reasons, but it can absolutely, be too early.
Especially if you’re using cannabis because you want to recover memories, or because you want to dig through all the junk in your head – at least in my case. There are a bunch of studies that say that cannabis takes away your memories but I think that’s a bunch of bullshit because honestly cannabis brought a LOT of my memories BACK, so I think that some of these studies might be hogwash.
When I started smoking cannabis I literally found myself again, like the person who’d been locked away had returned and I felt scared and nervous and yet I keep smoking cannabis because the more that I smoke, the more connected to myself that I feel.
Dreams and Manifestations
So when I was eighteen I knew that I didn’t want to smoke, I knew that I wanted to teach, but I also didn’t really know what to do or where to go. Some people might say that I was floundering, but I think what I was really doing was just….escaping. I think I was spending time just focusing on my self, because so much of my self was broken.
I was torn apart by abuse, living in shock and trauma, and unsure of what to do with myself, but at 38, literally twenty years later I have found this place where I have some sense of direction in my life, and I am working my ass off to finish this course so that I can take the next step, while simultaniously reminding myself to enjoy the journey.
Take a Breath
Tomorrow I am going to be helping someone with the initial steps of building their brand. We’re going to take their social media footprint from nothing at all, to a massive bear sized print that is going to change the way they sell their amazing product, and yes I am doing it for free, but that’s because I need to practice. I need to do what I can to help someone uncover the deeper unspoken parts of their dream, so that they can take that dream and turn it into reality.
How did I get here? No, seriously, WHAT THE FUCK?!
Actually It’s Quite Simple
The World was not ready for me. As I said, there wasn’t the information that is available to me now, back then, and so NOW I get to live MY dreams, MY way, and move forward in a direction that takes me away from the traumatizing abusers, and into a world filled with supportive allies, friends, colleagues and workers who have the same moral compass that I carry.
Sometimes you have to be a bit patient, so if right now, if right this second, your life isn’t in the direction you want it to be going in, then right now, right this second, is YOUR reminder, that it’s time to decide what the fuck it is that you want.
I want to be:
- A Blogger
- A Cannabis Coach
- A Mental Health Services Provider
- Life Coach
- And Brand Enricher
And what I mean by that last one, is that when this course is over, one of the next things on my list, is learning about online marketing and digital sales, so that I can turn that into another side hustle where I help other women of color use what they know inside their heads, so that they can turn it into a successful brand that helps lift up OTHER women.
The course that I am taking cost $325.00 at the end of the day that’s not a lot of money, so I fully intend to start a fund for other women of color who want to take the course from around BC, so that they can earn an income working as Certified Cannabis Coaches, under the Loud Mouth Brown Girl umbrella, until they are ready to flourish on their own, with their own clients and staff.
Specifically I plan to open this fund to Indigenous women and women of color, because at the end of the day we are the ones that struggle the most when it comes to moving forward after trauma. There are a lot of counselling options out there, but there are not a lot of programs that help women, Black women, Asian women, and Indigenous women, do something that ACTUALLY puts the reigns of their life, back into THEIR hands.
It’s important for me to do two things with Loud Mouth Brown Girl:
- Ensure that what happened to me, never happens to another girl or boy again.
- Make sure that everything I do, is about lifting up the next generation, so that they can learn to do it better than the generation before me
Too many times people have said that when they open up big giant companies with their millions of dollars, and then they don’t actually say what they are going to do, if I continue to remember that my focus is not on getting rich, and not just on being famous for nothing, then I think that I will be able to build a company that my initial supporters, allies, and audience, will be proud to say they were a part of.
You’re Not As Silent As You Think You Are
There are thoughts in your head, that are incredibly loud. You read my site and you have opinions and even if you don’t put them on the record, they still exist, and I feel your support every single time I see that at least 1 person somewhere in the world has visited this website and taken the time to read what I’ve had to say.
Every single person who comes to this website, who has taken the time to read what I have had to say, who has talked about it to a friend, or who has shared a post that I’ve written, is supporting MY dreams, and I refuse to forget that. That’s an unbelievable gift for someone who used to think that no one cared about what it is that I have to say about the world.
Okay, But How Did She Do It?
All good things come to those who decide that when the time comes they will be ready. This might not be your time to be great, it might not be your time to build the foundations of the future that you want, but what if it is? What if you could sit down and make a list of all the things you WANT to have happen, and then systematically worked your way through the list until they all did?
Sometimes words like “future” can be scary and overwhelming, and for those of us dealing with mental health issues and trauma, sometimes it can take longer for us to figure out what we want to do, and maybe sometimes it’s because there wasn’t anyone who was done doing what THEY were doing, and learning, so that YOU could be the greatest version of yourself?
If we say that everything happens for a reason, then that must mean that the reason you haven’t gotten off your ass and done something yet, is because you’re waiting, but only YOU can decide when you’re done waiting and ready to move forward.
I wasn’t ready until I started this website, and then I had to figure out what the fuck I was going to do with it, and every single day since has brought me closer to a product that is closer to what I had in my mind when I was a kid, and just heard “you’re the loud mouth brown girl,” for the first time.
I didn’t know what to do with that then, but I do know now, and that’s how a lot of us are. People tell us who to be, and we have to figure out if it’s what we want, or if it’s even in the realm of what we want. Once you figure out WHAT you want, you focus on the how, and then one day after another you work to get that shit done.
YOu want a clean house? Then you clean it.
You want your life free of drama? Well the answer to that is simple.
You want to go to school and do what you gotta do to move forward? Then do what you gotta do, even if it means asking for help from other people.
Just remember that the manifestation of dreams, wishes, and hopes, requires work on your part. The Universe isn’t just going to GIVE you the big stuff, you have to keep kicking, screaming, and fighting until you can actually hold it in your hands.
What I Want I Am Willing To Earn
There are a lot of times in life we’re offered temptation that pulls us away from our goals, we are derailed by trauma, and abuse, and bullies, and people pretending they know what we want, or thinking they know what we want when they don’t even really know who we are.
They assume that the person we were when we were in our 20s is going to be the EXACT same version of the person they meet when you’re in your 30s. That’s not true.
We are forever altering the world’s perception of us with every breath we take, because we are constantly changing. Human beings are the scientific example of evolution, whether you like it or not. You don’t need science to back that shit up, I am not a baby anymore. I don’t wear diapers, I don’t need anyone to wipe my ass or kiss my boo-boos, and I for damned sure don’t need a daddy telling me that I am misbehaving.
I am a grown ass woman now. There’s your proof. Sure, I’m not as independent as I want to be yet, but I will be one day. In the mean time I plug away at doing the things that I am CAPABLE of doing, until I can learn how to do the things that I WANT to do. Evolution, it’s right there folks.
Enjoy The Process
I know you, because you are me in a way. You are sitting here going “yes okay, but when, but how, but what the fuck when is it going to start?” I wish that I had taken the time to do the things that I wanted to do more, instead of letting people make me feel small while they all told me who I SHOULD be.
Draw, dye your hair, get tattoos that look like this, “BE THE PERSON I CAN SEE YOU BEING IN THE FUTURE RIGHT NOW BECAUSE I DON’T WANT THE PERSON STANDING IN FRONT OF ME,” was a constant fucking theme in my life, and I became all the things that everyone wanted me to become….when “I” was ready and not one second before. So suck it twats.
One day I am going to get dreadlocks and as I make out with my perfectly beautiful person I am going to laugh because I DID NOT get them for the white boy who wanted me to so that he could have his stupid ass Lisa Bonet fantasy come true through my body.
ENJOY your life, and if you aren’t enjoying it because of the people, places, or things in your world, baby get rid of them. If they are making you miserable, or telling you not to do the things that you WANT to do, in order to make YOURSELF happy, you don’t need them. They are distractions not friends. It’s okay to pull away from people if it’s killing you to keep them around.
This includes boyfriends, girlfriends, husbands, lovers, wives, sisters, brothers, and any person that isn’t you. It’s okay to move on, to get away, to run and escape, and maybe it’ll be harder without some of them, but maybe it’ll be better too.
Whatever you decide to do, be YOU. YOUR dreams will come true. Pray, dance, rap, paint, draw, write, sing, laugh, cry, scream, go for walks, exercise, smoke cannabis (or don’t,) do whatever YOU need to do, to be your true, undiluted self. Because THAT’s the self,t his entire world needs.
Sending all my love,
Devon J Hall
If you’d like to help me continue to build Loud Mouth Brown Girl, please consider donating by clicking this link to head on over to Go Fund Me to Donate to help keep the growth growing.
The Loud Mouth Brown Girl Shop #604North is OPEN again and while we only have the Stay Lifted Sis collection currently, many more are on the way in the coming months.
Uncomfortable is an Uncomfortable read of un-edited essays written by the Loud Mouth Brown Girl, during the start of the 2020-2021 pandemic era on planet earth. It’s a difficult read filled with reminders that no matter how much the universe tries to squish us, we keep pushing through and moving forward to become our best selves. Grab a copy from Amazon on Kindle or Paperback Here.