IF AFTER READING THIS POST YOU NEED FURTHER HELP PLEASE REACH OUT TO ONE OF THE NUMBERS ON THE LIST LINKED BELOW. I am so sorry I had to share it this way, but I am tired so damned tired, of pretending that bad stuff only happens to kids, and then it’s over. Gang and traumatic life experiences don’t end when you exit gangs or escape abusers, it’s a lifelong battle that will never fully go away.
Keep Going…You Can Do It
“He sighed heavily. “Girls are mean. At least faeries simply kill you if they don’t want you around.” He put a hand on the wall, leaning against it and tapping his foot impatiently.”
― Kiersten White, Supernaturally
In 8th grade a girl tried to set my hair on fire. My vice principal told me that the principal was too busy to deal with yet “another” bullying complaint on my behalf.
Then she told me that grade 8 girls will be grade 8 girls, and yes, that is a direct quote.
And then she molested me.
In her office. And sent me on my way.
It wasn’t the first time that I was molested in that school, and sadly it wouldn’t be the last. I was raped at that school too, by a group of boys whose faces and names I can’t remember, because they weren’t the problem.
At that age I was already used to being viciously abused and tortured by boys, and by men. At that age it wasn’t the boys that were the problem, the things they did to me ended in a day that ended in Y, so whatever…no it was the girls.
It was the girls who knew what was happening and some cases encouraged it happening to me with their own bullying tactics, so that it didn’t happen to them. “She’s the sacrifice,” was a statement that I’d heard a lot growing up, and it’s something that I hear echoed in my head on a regular basis.
Here’s the thing….human beings, actual living breathing, walking, working, humans, sacrificed Jesus Christ.
How’s that going for y’all? They didn’t just sacrifice him, they beat him, tortured him, and knowing men, probably raped him, I’m sure there were a few women who got in on that because let’s be honest, women rape too…and then they murdered him. In public.
By hanging him on a cross, and letting him rot in the hot summer sun, so they could say that their sins were absolved.
“Can you sacrifice people?’ I asked. ‘Take their magic that way?’
‘Yes,’ he said. ‘But there’s a catch.’
‘What’s the catch?’
‘You get hunted down even unto the ends of the Earth and summarily executed.”
― Ben Aaronovitch, Midnight Riot
Now, there’s an argument to be made that because he KNEW Judas (allegedly) was going to rat him out to the bad guys, Jesus let it happen and there for he WANTED it to happen. I assure you he did not, we had a long conversation about sex abuse, rape and murder, and he agrees. You shouldn’t fucking do it.
Now, when you go to a school that is (allegedly) designed to teach you how to follow in the ways of Jesus Christ, you’ll find people that take those lessons with a grain of salt, and those who will take that stuff DEEPLY, and seriously.
I was until recently, as of this afternoon really, one of the former. Now, don’t get me wrong, I TOTALLY believe he existed, and that he was a teacher, and that he believed in kindness, love, respect, and caring for your neighbbor.
I do NOT think he wanted to be murdered by the same people he was brought here to love, in order to die for their sins.
Here’s what I think really happened:
I think the douche that ordered the death of Jesus Christ knew for a fact, that he was going to hell, and I think he was afraid, and I think he decided “if I kill Jesus, then maybe God will see how dangerous I can be, and he’ll let me into heaven out of utter terror.” Or some other psychotically redundant reason, and I think he figured if he was already headed to hell, he was going to do as much damage as possible.
I think he got tempted by greed and by power, and decided that the only way to protect himself in the eyes of his people, was to murder God, and then say “oh but no, he wanted it.”
Men have been saying that shit about their victims of their power search for centuries, for millennia, whenever a guy does something that someone doesn’t like they say “oh but they wanted it.”
I assure you Jesus Christ wanted to retire with his children and his human being, and he wanted to live happily ever after, I assure you just because he KNEW something bad was going to happen, does not mean that he WANTED the bad thing to happen.
Which is what victims of bullying and rape have been saying since the beginning of time, and will sadly probably be saying for the rest of time.
Teen girls in any stage of their development physically, are some of the most evil things on the planet, and that’s largely because genetically speaking their prime directive is to survive, and if that means setting another girl’s hair on fire, or throwing her in front of a bus, that’s what they will do. Mostly teen girls are fucking psychotic, and they are taught to be that way by mothers.
Millions of mothers around the world teach their daughters to survive at any cost, and then to play the victim when they get caught doing it. We saw it this past summer with the rise of the Holier than thou Karen, we saw it at Loud Mouth Brown Girl’s first ever Survivor’s Connection event.
We see it every single time a white woman steps on the toes of a woman of color, in order to make herself feel more powerful and strong and that’s because too many of us are empty inside.
We’re so focused on trying to be famous, on trying to be successful, in trying to receive validation or safety from those who would just as soon destroy another woman as save one, because we are fucking miserable. And yeah, men? That shit is your fault.
Men have been teaching women that we have to choose between being loved by the tribe, or ignored and ostracized since the beginning of time, and then the pass that shit onto their children.
Fit in or Fuck Off is a cute image in IMVU, and it’s an adorable quote….until that phrase literally becomes the 1 thing that some 14 year old girl can’t get out of her head, until she gives up and just takes her life. -Devon J Hall
When I used to chat in IMVU this is an item you could buy in art form, that you could hang on the 3d digital wall in your chatroom. I think I had about four or five different variations of it.
It’s cute, it’s funny when your 14, but when you’re 38 it’s not so funny anymore.
The idea of girls who put other girls down, or women who put other women down, in order to capture your own strength is nothing short of evil, and it ONLY happens, because we genetically remember the seriously dangerous need to survive the wilds of Africa and beyond.
The average woman does not have a group of friends like you will find on Girlfriends or Sex and the City. Too many girls around the world don’t know how to connect to other girls, because when we’ve tried, our hands have been slapped, and our hair nearly set on fire. And when we report it to women who are supposed to care? Like teachers and counselors? They tell us that we’re wrong, lying, or crazy.
And then they molest us.
Or rape us, or worse, and yes, it happens to boys who complain about abuse too. The moment you start to complain the real abuses start. The ignorance, the devastation of not being able to trust anyone, and then the fear that it’s going to happen again, because those that KNOW it’s happening, would rather YOU suffer, so their lives can be better.
Guys do this shit to each other all the time, and EVERY single generation of woman says that they are going to do it differently and then they don’t.
When Kamala was running for President women all over the planet were cheering her on, the moment she won the vice presidency, and I do mean the MOMENT, all of a sudden she was enemy number 1. Why? Simply because she was a woman that actually achieved an image of power, based on the values and morals that people see as important and powerful.
The moment ANYONE in the world, in this world, sees you as someone who is powerful, who can handle all the junk, shit, and garbage that the universe throws at you, is the EXACT moment that the people in your life – specifically, the women – will try and tear you down.
And you can hate me all you want, because yes I DO believe in women’s empowerment, but I also believe in recognizing when people are full of shit. Mean girls are full of shit. They will do anything, and say anything to prevent another woman coming up in the world, just to make themselves more powerful.
They will even go so far as to tell a man, or several men, that she wants “sex” with you, when she’s so drugged up she can’t say no, which is by law, rape by proxy. Or worse, she’ll turn around and sell you to the guys that live downstairs for money, so that her “live in boyfriend,” will stop bugging her for sex, and when he refuses….she gives him you by drugging your tea, and letting all the men in the neighborhood have a piece by telling them “she wants it like this.”
This is the toxicity of womanhood that we do NOT discuss, that we don’t dare discuss, because “Sisterhood,” if sisterhood means selling my friend or letting men and boys rape her, so that “I” don’t get raped, y’all can keep that shit, I’m not about that life.
These same women will then stand in a court of law and tell a judge, a jury, the victims, and her fellow perpetrators, that they only did it because “He made me,” which is another lie designed entirely to protect her, while throwing the men she used, under the bus.
And I know this because it happens all the time, it happened, and is continuing to happen to me. There are women who know what happened to me, who were active parts of it, who even today will swear that one of the men in our lives made them. The truth is it was a group effort, and they’re all fucking twisted, sick, and fucked in the head.
But we ignore it, because if we talk about how toxic women can be to each other, and to everyone and everything on this earth, then we can’t pretend that women have a moral superiority hold on this planet. The truth is it doesn’t matter what your gender is. I’ve met wonderful trans people, and I’ve met some truly horrible and mean trans people who went out of their way to sabotage my language so I look like I am anti-trans. Pro tip, if you tell me you don’t care what pronouns I use, you can’t be mad at me when I use the wrong one. If you have a preference TELL ME.
We as human beings have a long way to go before we say that we’re ready to enter the gilded gates of Heaven, the shores of Avalon, or the holy grail that is Valhalla, but what i can honestly say is that if we’re going to continue sacrificing the lives of our neighbors on the hopes that the Deities are going to fear us, we’re seriously fucked.
They are the oldest of the old, the most ancient of the most ancient, and I seriously doubt that they are impressed with us killing off their children in a war that has nothing to do with us.
- Stop setting girls up to get raped
- stop selling children
- stop raping people
- stop being a bully
- and finally STOP FUCKING THINKING THAT YOU’RE SPECIAL JUST BECAUSE YOU HAVE A CRAZY WEIRD IMAGINATION.
I used to think it would be cool to live in a world where everyone has super powers, but after looking back at my life I realize humanity isn’t ready for that kind of power. They aren’t ready to be able to see through time or space, because no matter how much power people get, they will ALWAYS use it in an effort to destroy others, on the premise that THEIR survival means at least 1 of us has to die.
YES people have to die, but you don’t have to be the architect of their pain in order to survive, and that’s the lesson that Jesus’s death taught me.
Sending all my love,
Devon J Hall
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The Goddess Sessions staring Allison Gaines, Devon J Hall, and Renita Quirls take place on February 10th, 2022. Each ticket invites you to sit at our table and discuss all the topics we’ve been holding onto. So come join us, Tickets are free.
The Loud Mouth Brown Girl Shop #604North is OPEN again and while we only have the Stay Lifted Sis collection currently, many more are on the way in the coming months.
Uncomfortable is an Uncomfortable read of un-edited essays written by the Loud Mouth Brown Girl, during the start of the 2020-2021 pandemic era on planet earth. It’s a difficult read filled with reminders that no matter how much the universe tries to squish us, we keep pushing through and moving forward to become our best selves. Grab a copy from Amazon on Kindle or Hardcopy Here.