So it’s that time again where because I speak on mental health, sexual abuse, and trauma, I cannot in good conscience not talk about another mental mind fuck caused by a celebrity shit storm.
Growing up the Cosby Show, Family Matters, and Hangin’ With Mr. Cooper, were the ONLY Black orientated shows in our house. That meant that as much as my mom tried there wasn’t a lot of Black exposure in our home, and as we aged the kind of Black content we were consuming was in the form of gangster rap.
“Wholesome” Black content was in rare form in the 90s, and mom really liked Law and Order. So to see someone who had such a huge influence on my childhood, revealed to be someone who was so much like many of my own abusers, well the word heartbreaking doesn’t really cover it.
I am angry, I am disappointed, I am frustrated, and I am disheartened.
They say never meet your heros, and Bill Cosby is one of a million examples why. When “America’s Dad” can be arrested, charged, and convicted of rape it sends two very distinct messages.
- Fame is not a guarantee of good morals
- Your hero’s are probably secret failures.
We thought, and wrongly apparently, that sex crimes were finally being taken seriously. We thought, clearly incorrectly, that the arrest, charging, and conviction of Bill Cosby meant that victims and survivors had a voice.
Today a court in America told us that we as survivors do not have a voice they care about.
AP’s world famous coverage on the case details answers three very important questions:
- – Bill Cosby refuses sex offender program, so is denied parole
- – Cosby’s sex assault conviction goes before high-level court
- – Key question in Cosby appeal: Does defendant’s past matter?
The man has continuously denied any wrong doing, not because he is innocent, but because he is a God damned fraud, and those of us who are not victims of famous abusers, (not including myself in this,) are sitting here wondering what fucking chance we have to build a foundation of change when courts around the world are constantly prioritizing the rights of our abusers over that of ours.
Justice is supposed to be blind to wealth, power, and influence. Justice is supposed to be there to support victims of crimes and abuse, and yet time and time again humans skew justice so it serves the purposes of their needs.
It’s stuff like this that makes it hard to ignore the conspiracy theories. You know the ones about secret pedophile cabals. It’s hard to believe they don’t exist, when time and time again men and even women who are accused of being a part of these secret abusive organizations get away with abusing innocent people.
I am just plain out angry, I am not tired, I am galvanized, but unfortunately like many victims and survivors I don’t know how to fight back against a system that constantly is telling me and millions of others, that our voices are unimportant.
A person breaks the law, a person should go to jail. A person breaks the law by hurting other people through rape and torture, a person should rot in hell, and since on this planet the closest we can get to hell is prison, that is exactly where Bill Cosby belongs.
I remember when I found out my ex-boyfriend was going to prison for a crime he’d committed, I couldn’t help but think “okay Devon, that means you have 3 years before you have to worry about seeing him again.”
Now I am sitting here thinking about all the women who thought they had between 3-10 years to heal, to close the door on everything he put them through, and now that door has been kicked wide open again.
It’s not fair to his victims who were just trying to live their lives and follow their dreams. Human beings are not sacrifices, we don’t deserve to be emotionally and physically slaughtered for your sick pleasures, because I’m sorry our dreams coming true after being abused and traumatized doesn’t make up for the pain you’ve caused us.
How many more victims of abuse have to go without justice before we decide that enough people have suffered at the hands of others who don’t care about how their actions affect us?
I am so fucking angry, and disgusted, and on behalf of all his victims I am truly, truly sorry. I wish that your time on this earth had been kinder to you, I wish that Justice had worked in your favor, and I know that this is no consolation prize. There is nothing that I can say that will make this better, but I honestly promise you that I won’t stop speaking out.
I will join with your voices as often and as powerfully as I can, and I just have to hope that’s enough.
Sending all my love,
Devon J Hall