advice

Dear Devon…Stop Shaming Yourself For Needing Rest

I’ve been thinking a lot about what it means to be a “Content Creator”, and by that I mean, a part of an industry that is designed around creating content for the general public to absorb.

This video inspired the hell out of me for years as a child, because I always wondered what he meant by that phrase. “The medium is the message”.

“A statement by Marshall McLuhan, meaning that the form of a message (print, visual, musical, etc.) determines the ways in which that message will be perceived.” – Google said that.

When people hear that I run and operate a blog, they don’t usually get interested until they find out what the blog is about. Even still I get that “sure, whatever, it’s just a blog” reaction from some people, but that’s because they don’t see the vision that I see.

I recognize that I have a vision for this website that other people can’t see, because they aren’t me. I respect that, but to me this blog is everything. It’s my job. I am not just creating content for you to absorb, I am trying to help other people by sharing my experiences and stories.

Every single day there are billions of new ways for you to in take information. It used to be the radio, and then television, next came iTunes, and digital video, and on and on it will continue to grow.

For me to continue doing this work as a career, I need to continuously push myself to create more content, in order to stay relevant so that I can build my audience.

It’s fucking exhausting.

I am competing against expert content creators who know what they are doing and have millions of dollars and hundreds of people on their team. I am just a tiny minnow fish in a giant enormous ocean.

Knowing that, I also have to remember that forcing myself to burn out in order to keep up with current trends, is not going to help anyone. Least of all myself.

I am reminded of how I felt this week after taking my pills too late at night the nights before. I was so exhausted, and I was completely depressed, I wasn’t smoking weed as much and I’ve been very careful about how much weed I’ve had in the past, but this is different.

I am trying to go longer and longer before I smoke weed after waking up, trying hard to cut it out of my system all together, so that I can take a tolerance break.

That’s why I wrote Depression Can Kiss My Fat Black Ass. I was really angry and resentful of the fact that I was feeling depressed, especially when this medication that I am on is supposed to be helping me to get better.

Added to the fact that I am still on out patient care, knowing that I can be dragged back to the hospital whenever my Doctor decides I need to return to it, is really frustrating, largely because it means that my life is not fully in my own control.

Throw in the fact that I deal with mental health issues like PTSD, Anxiety, and depression, and you have a powder keg of emotions daily that forces me every day to realize that “this day” is never going to be the same as “tomorrow.”

I have to remind myself of this fact every single day, because there’s never a steady stream of feeling good for several days in a row. Some days are great, and then the next day I am as low as a worm, and I can’t find a happy medium yet, but I am working on it.

A lot of the pressure that I feel with this industry, comes from my own shoulders. When I look up to the stars, so to speak, and the women who are in the film and television industry that I want so badly to be a part of, I see them grinding and hustling every single day without stop.

I am so proud of these women who inspire me, who keep pushing themselves to learn new skills so that they can adapt with a rapidly changing industry that demands the absolute best of who we are as humans.

I look up to so many creators, and I am learning so much from them, but the one thing that I am learning most is that I need to take care of myself too.

It feels good to know when I am stressed out that I can reach out to my sisters in this industry to help me grow and push ahead when I feel like I can’t do it alone.

Thankfully I also have my Twitter friends and followers who are comfortable reminding me that it’s okay to rest. I realized today with only 111 days left until the end of the year, I have accomplished all my goals this year.

I wrote a book, I built a bomb ass brand, and I started a podcast. That’s a lot of work for one person whose working out of their own home office, and not getting paid for it. That’s a lot of work for anyone really, and if I am being honest, I think I can stop making excuses for needing rest, and just take the rest now.

Don’t you?

Sending all my love,

Devon J Hall

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