Dear Birthday Girl

You survived being sexually abused for more than twenty years, you survived and are surviving having been kidnapped, you survived racism and being arrested twice for literally no reason on both occurrences.

You are living to see the world face it’s first pandemic since Small Pox, and while the world seems to be crumbled ruins around you, you are still getting through, still finding a reason to wake up and write every single day.

This is a letter from your past self to your future self, only hours apart, fully aware that what was no longer matters because we can only handle what actually is.

The reality of your situation is that you are a survivor of a system that threw you through the cracks and told you that you would never survive, and you proved them wrong.

Not because you’re strong, but because you decided that there was no other choice. Your life has been a series of choices that led you to the moment you are in now, reading back what you wrote while the rest of the world slumbers on their knowledge of you.

There are days when you wonder why you bother, and days when you know that you are going to be down in the dumps, but you will get through, because you always have.

Some days it will take you all day to figure out what you are thinking and how you are feeling and some days you will know instantly. You are the kind of person who needs to dissect their feelings, so if you don’t know right away worry not you’ll figure it out eventually.

Some day you are going to be a famous author, if not famous then at the very least you are going to be an author, to date you have already written 1000 love letters over the last two years and you never thought you’d accomplish that either.

You are majickal, and the source of that majick comes from the center of the universe, you know this because you know what it means to see God. You know this because you’ve been blessed by all the things that could be, would be might be, should be or would be, if they possibly could be. You know that’s true because you said that spell slash poem for the first time when you were eighteen and you’ve never forgotten it.

You don’t forget much, although there is a lot that you wish you could forget, it’s all part of who you are, the wonderfully beautifully weird parts of you that give you a reason to stay happy even when the world tells you that you don’t deserve to be.

A lot of people will tell you that you don’t deserve to be happy, that you haven’t reached the pinnacle of success because you haven’t been published on someone else’s platform yet. You have been published one hundred and eighty seven times here on Loud Mouth Brown Girl and you are the first and only writer of the first ever LMBG website. That’s pretty amazing, because you always knew you were the loud mouth brown girl, even in the times when you didn’t want to admit it, and here you are…doing all the things you said you were going to do.

That’s how I know you’re going to be very successful, because you always do what you say you’re going to do, even if it takes you time to get there, but you smoke way too much weed. That comes from barely smoking any when you were growing up, you are in the place of healing now, but you won’t be here forever. Things will change when they are supposed to, I know this for a fact because that’s the only time things ever change.

Happy birthday future me, you’re pretty amazing, and I know this because you come from me.

Sending all my love,

The Past Me