We are living in both a dangerous and fascinating time in history. What happens in the next few years is most certainly going to define our time in history for the next several generations, and it’s strange to see how much damage we are causing along the way.
I’ve said it before and I will say it again, the day that I saw white supremacists chanting “Blood and Soil” over and over again, I was absolutely and utterly terrified. The day that Heather Hayer died I was totally traumatized.
The moment I realized that Canadian born and bred men had crossed the American border to join you, was the day I realized how important it was for me to proudly be known as the Loud Mouth Brown Girl.
So much so that the last year of my life has been spent wondering what kind of legacy I had to leave in order to do my part. Whatever that might be.
I spent this last year of my life talking with friends and family in a variety of ways, about how “I” see the world, and listening intently to how they see the world. Using social media a lot has helped because it’s helped me to refine the ideas that inspired the balance of my moral compass.
It’s occurred to me that I am not doing enough, I talk about having community dinners and being a part of the world instead of sitting back and judging it, only to realize that in large part out of fear, that is exactly what I have been doing.
Some of that is because of the trauma that I’ve experienced, and the conversations that triggered me into a place of serious self doubt, but part of that was my way of disconnecting from the world because I needed time to digest everything I’ve learned about myself and the people I love and have loved in my life time.
I am told this is all part of being in your mid thirties, realizing that you aren’t where you want to be, I am also told by my friend DB that it’s incredibly lonely, trying to succeed on your terms, without wanting to or trying to explain to others what that means.
Sadly it’s also occurred to me how disconnected we are as a society, because we’re so angry and toxic – thank you Don Lemon, the perfect word at the perfect time.
We are a generation of people, those of us in our thirties who have gotten lost in the muck of American Politics. So much so that we’ve even given up obsessing about Celebrities that have worked hard to become the stars they are, and instead are creating society manufactured celebrities through social media.
I don’t know which is worse, CNN reporting that Kim Kardashian has broken the internet with her ass, or learning that a Youtube Celebrity is really a pedophile, who was made famous purely by the fact that he does outrages things just to get attention.
We spend all our time complaining about the world but we aren’t actually doing anything about it, and today I wake up to the news that Donald Trump held a rally where the chant was “Send her Back.”
Mother Fucker.
The President Of the United States of America is now fully embracing White Supremacy, and what a shocker, so is Canada.
A Rastafarian Church in Burnaby was apparently raided by RCMP because they encourage and even offer cannabis as part of their service.
On top of that, somewhere in Ontario, a facility is being built as I write to house immigrants who are here illegally – or may not be here illegally but just happen to get caught up in the sweep.
I’m so sorry, but since when does Canada follow America’s lead? Last time I checked we were the land of the oh…wait, we’re just as fucking guilty of genocide as the rest of the planet, now we’re just not hiding it any more.
The more and more racist the world seems to get, the more and more I seriously wonder if being single, living with my mother in a one floor walk up in Surrey BC with my mother doesn’t seem that terrible.
And that’s sad as fuck.
So I do what I do, and I continue to write, to create the world of Siddha Lee, and I continue to hope that one day this digital book will become something that changes my life, or the lives of those I love one word at a time.
Our world is a depressing place right now, and all we can do is spread as much love as we can, while hoping that it’s enough to combat some of the darkness the Trump family is cultivating on the other side of the border.
Hug your families tighter tonight my loves, I have a feeling we’re going to need to stock up on the memory of those happy moments.
Sending all my love,
Jason Z.
Calgary Alberta,
Loud Mouth Brown Girl 