I realize now, because I am (let’s be honest) not overly original, that lots of patients have doctors who don’t believe them.
From talking to some of my friends I’ve learned many of the people I know and love are dealing with symptoms that are going ignored but these doctors, because they aren’t trained to believe their patients.
I wish I had the opportunity to learn from teachers, who teach doctors, how to Doc, because honestly, I don’t think they’re doing it right.
It’s bad enough that for decades of my life, I was raped and abused, tortured, and traumatized, and that now I live with PTSD, anxiety, and depression, due to what was done to me.
Having to be told over and over again by the same Black doctor I thought would be different, that he doesn’t believe me is incredibly frustrating.
How do I move forward when I am constantly stuck having to prove that I was raped by truly horrible and evil people? How do I get healthy if I can’t get past the need to constantly prove myself, and how do I stop having to prove myself if folks won’t just accept that women do not lie about being raped.
We don’t fucking have to. Everyone in the world knows what the statistics are. Canada has been designated by the United Nations as being a danger to women of color, including but not limited to Black, Brown, and Indigenous women.
Disabled and trans women are some of the most under-represented women in world media, and we know this by the statistics that Canada releases every single year.
So to tell a woman / non-binary person, that they are not believed in a space that is supposed to be safe for them to heal, all you do is rip open the bandaid and force them to deal with the pain of being abused all over again.
I talked to my one friend who I claim deals with idiots daily, and her advice was to remind the doctor that I am supposed to be in a place of healing, and his continual disbelief is not helping me move past what was done to me so that I can heal and be strong enough to return to work.
One of my goals for next year is to attend business school. It’s something that I’ve always wanted and always been too afraid to do because I was afraid I would fail. Now I’m more afraid that I’ll die before I get the chance to finish school and do something that matters with my life.
Yes, I’ve done a lot to help others, but at this stage in my life, like many of you, the journey has to be about protecting and healing myself, so that I can move forward.
If I can’t have a doctor who’s going to believe me, then it might be time to explore my legal options when it comes to my mental health.
Sending all my love,
Devon J Hall, The Loud Mouth Brown Girl
Loud Mouth Brown Girl 