I am literally a few days from being homeless, so needless to say that my mental health isn’t that great I am super stressed out, and while I’m starting to relax into the situation I don’t mind admitting I am afraid.
I never thought this would be me, like all people who become creatives, I thought I would take the world by storm with my words and create a fictional masterpiece that would rival the greatest works ever written.
But that hasn’t happened yet, I have something in the works, but I don’t know how to monetize it yet, and it might be years before it’s ready to share with the world.
In short, I’m economically devastated and I might stay here for a long time before I figure out how to make enough money to provide for myself the life that I know I want.
Kern Carter, who is an amazing writer says I should reach out to brands and consider branching out, but the thing is that where I am in my life, I don’t honestly feel stable enough to be a brand ambassador of any kind. That work takes a lot of effort and energy and I am still in a place of transitional healing.
By that I mean I have to put myself first, I have to ensure that I protect myself, and my mental health so taking on more work when I am not in a stable living situation is not a positive solution for me right now.
That part is really frustrating because I want to be working harder, I want to be earning money, and yet I am in this place where I can’t do all the things that I want to be doing and it’s largely because of reasons out of my control.
Lack of control has a huge effect on my mental health, when I’m in situations like this where I don’t have control over my own life, over where I sit in a certain place even, or when and what I eat, I struggle really hard to function as a normal human being.
I struggle to be the person other people want me to be, and I am not certain if this year is going t be easy or hard, but I’d like to have fewer years where I am doing as I am told and more years where I am doing the telling.
I’d like the chance to build my clothing business, and evolve it into something more than an online shop, I just haven’t figured out how to do that yet. But I will, because that’s what I do, I figure things out.
Right?!
Sending all my love,
Devon J Hall
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