Valentine’s day for a lot of people is a serious mental health trigger. For those of us that are alone, it can breed feelings of insecurity, we can start to believe no one loves us because people aren’t buying us flowers or taking us out for dinner. And so I ask you when was the last time you took yourself out on a date? When was the last time you bought yourself flowers?

When we talk about loving ourselves, this isn’t in the category of toxic positivity. Buying yourself flowers, and going out on a self-date, these things are going to change your life overnight, but the more you practice acts of self-love, the easier it gets to believe that you deserve love.

Reminding yourself that this is “your life” and your chance at happiness, over and over again, without having someone there to do it for you, is a powerful weapon against a society that tries to make you feel ashamed for being alone.

People forget that dating today isn’t the way it was a hundred years ago. We have the freedom to choose who we’re with, the power to set boundaries that we expect people to respect, and the choice to decide if we want to keep folks in our lives forever. We have power today, in ways lots of people didn’t have a hundred years ago.

But with that freedom comes a lot more complications. People are more comfortable lying about their situation today than they used to be. Unless you’re part of a close-knit community, not everyone knows everyone’s business.

With the rise in toxicity and violence, it’s hard to find people you want to spend the rest of your life with, but that doesn’t mean it’s impossible. I know when the time comes I’ll find someone who will love me in spite of all my shortcomings and welcome the particular kind of weirdness that I have, that no one else has.

Finding love is easy, but the work it takes to keep it is difficult, and I personally am just not there yet. I’ve been too traumatized for me to just jump into anything right away. I need time to do my research I need someone patient and kind, and those are difficult to find.

So until then, I’ll continue to spend time getting to know myself, loving myself, and being the person I am until I’m ready to move into the next phase of my life. I really hope you’ll do the same. You deserve to be loved.

Sending all my love,

Devon J Hall

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