This post may contain stories or triggers memories that may be difficult for you, the reader, to consume. I apologize for that, but this website is entirely about talking about the things that we do not talk about. If you or someone you know needs help, please use this page to find a helpline phone number in your area. If you can’t find it on this list, please use any search engine in the world. You are not alone.
In Surrey BC, Just like all over the world, especially in places like North Delta, where the number of victims of sexual assaults outnumbers the cops, teachers, and doctors, who actually care by 98.9%, we have what is called Youth Care Workers.
They are people who go to college or university for a few years, forget EVERYTHING they know about being a kid, and then assume they have all the answers to what happens when shit like being raped by ALL the boys you know, and half the men that know them.
When it happened to me, I was sixteen – it wasn’t the first time a variation of this group of men and boys had raped me at the desire of K.R., but however, it was the first time that I told someone about it.
Her response? To take me to The Beauty Shop, to get my makeup done, because “a good make-over session will make you feel pretty again.” I’ve written this before, and I’ll write it again:
THE LAST THING A VICTIM OF RAPE OR SEXUAL ABUSE WANTS TO FEEL AFTERWARDS IS PRETTY.
What we want to feel is strong. We want to feel like we haven’t been violated. We want to feel like we are experiencing a fucking nightmare, and that we’re going to wake up soon, as soon as possible.
For years I walked around in a daze, talking to myself, hurting, not knowing what to say to real human beings on this side of the dimensional wall (yes I’m stoned, deal with it, I’m having a moment here,). I thought I was crazy.
I would remember these acts of violence, of terror, of fear, but I couldn’t explain why I was feeling this way, I couldn’t name names, I tried when I first started this website, and I got some of it wrong, but the more that I started to peel back the layers the worse it got. I wasn’t just watching a conspiracy theory show, I was a part of one, and the layers were dark, deep and scary.
I thought, “I’m a member of Anonymous,” I might not be safe from hackers, but I’m certainly safe from them. The bad ones right? The rapists, the ones who think that I – or people like me – deserve to die, because our ancestors already fought that battle, it’s over right?
It’s very much not over.
There are people who think that people like myself, are only telling our stories because we want to be famous, but I didn’t get it at first either. Each of us is born to be teachers, we’re born to show the universe what it’s capable of, while simultaneously making sure that we protect as many as we can, but the problem is that we’re not harnessing our collective power and using it to combat the worst of the trauma that this earth is experiencing.
No, getting your makeup done the day after you’ve been raped isn’t going to make you feel better, UNTIL AND ONLY WHEN, you’re ready to go to Hell to fight to get your life back, and too many people don’t know how to do that, because they don’t know that after childhood abuse that they are allowed to speak up.
I know this is true because I didn’t know. No one told me I was allowed to say no until it was too late until it was after the fact, and by the time that I did start saying no it was definitely too late because they were too big, and there were too many of them.
I tried to tell, but everyone kept telling me my ENTIRE life “you’re the girl who cried wolf.”
KIDS CREATE CLIQUES THAT THE COPS THEN CALL GANGS – That don’t make them Gangs!
The WOLFPACK started in North Delta BC, by Jason Maynard, myself and several other people and we STARTED THE WOLF PACK, to protect ourselves from SEXUAL PREDATORS.
The phrase “The Wolf Pack,” only came about because ALLEGEDLY Jamie Bacon started the fucking Red Scorpions, but the Red Scorpion is a symbol for power, from a man who felt absolutely fucking powerless behind bars with crooked guards and if you don’t believe me, just ask yourself why people keep “escaping,” prison, especially men who then go kill almost immediately after. My proof is in the local fucking newspapers thank you very much.
THE WOLF PACK – only existed because COPS see drug dealers and gangs as wolves and we live in BC where there is a large wolf population, as well as coyotes, you could have called them THE COYOTE PACK YOU FUCKING CUNTS, but instead you had to take a name, FROM A GROUP OF KIDS, from NORTH DELTA BC IN THE 90S who were ALL being raped by EWG.
WHICH I’VE SAID REPEATEDLY, but no you had to take OUR name and use it to describe gangs, and now they’re the biggest “gang in the country”? Really?
Cause last time I checked, THE WOLF PACK is STILL a group of SURVIVORS from ACROSS THE LOWER MAINLAND of E W G and K R and several SEVERAL OTHERS CP, SG, and ESPECIALLY CT, JM, who all pretended to be HELL’S ANGELS when they raped ME, and several others.
Now. I’ve posted it. I’ve said it, I am not taking it back, I’ve made REPEATED reports of it, and now I hear there is another girl IN SURREY BC, going through the SAME stalker shit I am.
So in my Sunday post, I spoke about Accountability, and I’m continuing that thread with this post. Accountability to who? Because today I got thanked by a police officer:
And you know what? It pissed me off. Thank you for what? For warning you for years that the cops were getting out of fucking hand? For saying that they took care of ME but not others?
For sitting back and watching men I love to get shot in the streets like dogs, while others get hunted and targeted, and end up dead, while the WRONG people go to prison for crimes they didn’t fucking commit?
How many times do I have to tell politicians and cops that they have THE WRONG guy before you’ll believe me? Before y’all start working WITH youth and at-risk marginalized people instead against them?
Look. I know there are good cops out there, I know there are great Youth Care Workers out there, but we’ve had FOSTER kids jump from hotel rooms, we’ve had men steal HUNDREDS Of thousands of dollars from children, we’ve had crooked cops having sex with 19-year-old women ON THE NIGHT THOSE SAME WOMEN CALL 911 FOR HELP, we’ve had cops kill men asking for help.
We’ve had me – just me – and another woman who shall remain nameless – BEGGING for help only to be hospitalized, so that our abusers continue to get away with it. The system isn’t broken, it’s fucking non-existent.
The SYSTEM that’s supposed to PROTECT us has been destroyed, it never existed maybe, but either way, we’re suffering, and we have cops saying thanks on Twitter, having no idea who I am or the fact that I’ve been BEGGING people to listen to me about the lies that Dennis Watson and others have been telling for years to cover up for pedophiles and I’m fucking tired.
I’m on vacation.
I am going to clean my house, but you cops should really start cleaning yours, youth care workers too. TOLD You Natalie Lutz, one day the world was going to know what was happening to me, you should have helped when you had the chance. I BEGGED you for YEARS to find me, to help me, I went to your offices, and now, since I can’t do anything about what you DIDN’t do, the secrets of British Columbia are coming out.
This is what happens when you destroy the lives of children..they learn to use their words to fight back.
The ACTUAL Wolf Pack