I spent my entire life being kicked, beaten, bruised, abused, branded, and tortured, by white supremacists who figured that they had every right to do whatever they wanted because of the color of my skin.
Every day of my life was a brand new form of Hell that I couldn’t escape, and I had no one to tell because I had to protect my family, but no one tried to protect me, not once. Not until it was too late. – Devon J Hall, aged 15
“I Just THINK, That We Should SUPPORT BLACK Women.” No Matter The COST? So If I’m on FIRE, It’s Okay As Long As OTHER Black Women Are Safe? Naw, I Ain’t About That
Last night, several of my friends – really good and amazing friends – actually heard me, FOR THE FIRST TIME IN YEARS, and finally, they started to understand why I am the way that I am, and yeah, I call that winning, I call that a lot of hard work to explain to the world that I am not the way I am by choice, but out of a desire not to die to make someone else’s life easier.
I’ve been murdered – spiritually speaking – several times. More than once I felt my soul leave my body after being raped viciously and violently, so when you say shit like “well, I just think we should keep the peace and support the Black women in our community,” I gotta ask you, why is my Mullatto, Creole Mixed Race self, not Black enough for you to support?
If the FOUNDATION of Your Existence is BUILT on LIES AND DECEPTION, then WHY am I trying to Let MYSELF Starve to Keep Feeding YOUR Children? I ain’t got KIDS, Not my JOB, To Save YOUR Life.
I am busy trying to build a name for myself, and I worked really hard so that I could survive all the shit that I’ve been through so that I can have the castle of ashes that I am building.
I saved my own life, and many years later when people FINALLY learned how to communicate with me, they got to learn how, and now that I’m here, now that I am FINALLY in this space where I FINALLY feel like I can be my true self, I’m supposed to stop doing that to make ANOTHER bully feel good? I think the fuck, not ma’am.
Every day of my life I am reminded of all the people I reached out to for help, who was nowhere to be seen when I needed them the most, and I think about the day that I was told my gaze was “too white,” for the Budsista’s and that moment when I was told I was not welcome to participate in a group video chat that “I” IN PARTICULAR INSPIRED, called Wednesday Wellness Checkin unless one of the two leaders were present.
I was told, that my experience was “too white,” for the Budsistas, and I wasn’t the only one, I wasn’t the only one made to feel unwelcome, and unsafe, but I was the first one to speak out, and now behind my back – not to my face – but behind my back y’all whispering about how it’s my job to protect Black women.
Why? Where y’all at? Where is the support from y’all? (And for those of you who are Black reading this supporting my work, I see you, I hear you, this ain’t about you sis.)
Every day of our lives we are told to keep it quiet, keep it low, don’t make a fuss, just stay in your lane, while SIMULTANEOUSLY, being told that we can be anything we want, that we can go the distance, that we can change worlds, that we can design the future. But only if we follow the status quo.
How the fuck are we supposed to break barriers with cotton balls? How the fuck are we supposed to make space for each other if we don’t make a mess? How are we supposed to clean up the mess if we don’t address the issues that are taking more from our lives than giving to us?
You absolutely, cannot have it both ways, you certainly can’t tell me with one side of your mouth that you love me and support me while talking trash behind my back and saying that I’m disturbing the peace.
Let me make this perfectly clear: If I see that woman on the side of the road with her car on fire, I’ll certainly call 911, but as soon as they get to the scene my job is over.
This conditioning we have in our brains that tells us that we have to “be nice at all costs,” is bullshit. It’s a weapon designed to destroy our instincts and take the beautiful things about our life, and twist them into even more weapons. “Well, you only have those things because you did what you needed to do to get them,” shouldn’t be something we teach people anymore.
“I Will NOT Mute MYSELF, Again, To Make OTHER People Comfortable, I wrote the BOOK On Being Uncomfortable. Your Turn,” – Devon J Hall and Anya Nicola
You were born and you got raped to death. (This actually happened to an 8-month-old baby recently,)
You went to school you got bullied.
You went to college, and you started using drugs to ease some of the pain.
You got a job, and you got abused by your boss, but you kept the job and the secret because you needed the money to keep paying rent.
On and on it goes, and in between all of the shit that you have to do just to feed yourself and keep a roof over your head, there are 1000s of people trying to set your ENTIRE life on fire, in order to make themselves feel better about the shit in their lives, not giving a fuck if you’re drowning, but the minute you say something, you’re the bad guy? I think the fuck, not ma’am.
What you do with your Facebook group is entirely your business, but when you set out to use that platform to hurt other people, when you use the platform you ONLY HAVE, BECAUSE SOMEONE ELSE CAME UP WITH THE IDEA, THE LOGO, AND THE FRAMEWORK, to hurt the same women that supported you, our ability to stand for you ceases to exist.
And you have no one to blame but yourself.
Devon J Hall
P.S. This also goes to the sudo gangsters, thugs, and goofs that raped me and thought I’d be quiet. Bitch I’m not afraid of you.