Yup. I said that shit. I want you to want to be you. I used to be the girl who wish she had whatever anyone else had. Their nose, their butt, their blue eyes, silky smooth hair, their everything I coveted because I didn’t believe that I with myself was good enough. I don’t believe that anymore.
I think the reason the world tried to tear me about is that I matter too much, and I think that my potential scares the world. I would be intimidated by women like me, women who succeeded, sacrificed, lived in squalor, lived in pain, in trauma, and found ways to heal if I were you too.
You bet your ass I am absolutely to be petrified of, because if I can survive what I already have, what else do you think I’m willing to do to survive whatever comes next? I know there are things that I have to do to get myself where I want to go, and I can’t count on anyone else in the world to provide for me. Which means that I have to work a lot harder to provide those things for myself.
There will always be people who try to tear you down, but it’s not because the words coming out of their mouths or off their platforms are true, it’s because the world has bred some truly miserable people who want to see happy people fall.
I know this rather special couple, and by “special couple,” I mean pair of idiots. They’re married but they’re getting a divorce, they think their issues stem from jealousy and rumors but the truth is that their nightmare of marriage comes from insecurity on both parts and because neither is willing to sit down and get honest about their problems, their throwing their marriage away. I’m rather pissed at them about it, because I know how hard the fight was for these two people to get together, to begin with.
Around the world, ten million people at least have thoughts about similar kinds of couples, but not a single one of those opinions matters unless they are directly involved in the marriages in question.
It’s not that it doesn’t matter what you say about me, it’s that I don’t care. I don’t have the time or energy to think about what you think about me, because unless it’s complimentary or constructive criticism that helps me get better at what I am doing, I am completely uninterested.
If what you have to say doesn’t enhance my life, educate my brain, or inspire my soul, you are wasting my time.
And I want you to believe that this is you saying this to yourself because it is absolutely imperative to me that you understand that your time, your energy, and your spiritual being has value to the world, for no other reason than you exist.
Whatever it is that you are called to do – be a construction worker, a content creator, a singer, a dancer, a pizza man, is because the universe is placing you where you need to be, so glorious things can happen. HOWEVER, that doesn’t mean that “accepting our path and our journeys,” doesn’t come with a lot of bullshit along the way because it absolutely does.
Because the United States of America government has declassified documents talking about aliens we’re allowed to talk about these otherworldly beings as if they are real, and as if meeting them will happen in just a matter of years.
Yet we don’t talk about the fact that for over sixty years the same government gaslit hundreds of thousands of people into believing they were insane and crazy when in fact what they saw, and what happened to them, might have actually happened. Rape victims know a little something about that.
Yet when I open up about my spirituality and my belief in Witchcraft, I am told I am crazy, even though there is verifiable proof that ancestors from around the world practiced the same religion I do at the beginning of time.
Folks’ tales and lore are not taken seriously anymore because we’re an “advanced species,” and I have to ask, if that’s true then why are Black and BIPOC trans women being killed at higher rates than anyone on the planet? Why are Sexworkers denied the right to exist?
Why are so many of us still more afraid of the average white cop, than we are of anyone else on the planet, and why are dying off at an alarming rate and yet still somehow not able to feed every human on earth? Yeah, I think a lot about this shit, but oftentimes I don’t know what to think about all of it because it’s overwhelming as fuck.
That’s why I want you to know how important you are, that’s why I want you to know that it matters that YOU, in particular, are the one reading THIS post, because YOU have the power to decide MY future, and that makes you dangerous and honestly? It’s a weird kind of turn-on waiting to see how my audience is going to respond to my writing.
Is it going to make you uncomfortable? Are you talking about what I wrote to your coworkers? (you really should be, cause that’d be awesome!) or are you completely ignoring me in favor of another blogger? It’s a lot of work to do what I do you know? And so when I don’t get those comments, society tells me that I am supposed to feel bad because it doesn’t appear that you’re all reading what I write, but here’s the secret…I don’t give a fuck about what society says I should care about.
I care about things because they inspire me, challenge me, push me, and love me. I care about myself because no matter how hard it’s been I’m still here hoping for a better future and working toward that future with everything I have, and every single time the question comes up that I’m not good enough, or unworthy, I laugh it off because I know what that is now.
It’s the universe saying “hey you there stop, turn back, don’t enter here, danger danger danger,” when in reality the big bad at the end of the dark tunnel is an itty bitty pile of talking bullshit that I don’t need to worry about.
Too many times in our lifetime we think that caring what other people think of us makes us better people when in reality all it does is tear us down and take us away from who it is that we’re meant to be. This is precisely why I want you to know that you as a reader, as a human being, as a person who exists outside of my brain, heart, and soul, matter.
Every single time you do something it matters, how you use your voice, what you say with that voice, what you do to help others or even choosing to ignore those in need, creates a portion of the future you will face, and as our paths intersect, I am curious to see who you will become.
Will you continue to allow the world to tear you apart, or will you tell it to go fuck itself and carve out a corner for yourself with your own two hands that set you free from caring about what others think of your journey so you can spend more time enjoying it? See what I did there?
Sending all my love
Devon J Hall
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The Loud Mouth Brown Girl Shop #604North is OPEN again and while we only have the Stay Lifted Sis collection currently, many more are on the way in the coming months.
Uncomfortable is an Uncomfortable read of un-edited essays written by the Loud Mouth Brown Girl, during the start of the 2020-2021 pandemic era on planet earth. It’s a difficult read filled with reminders that no matter how much the universe tries to squish us, we keep pushing through and moving forward to become our best selves. Grab a copy from Amazon on Kindle or Paperback Here.