|Tuesday: The Day of War|
|Tuesday gets its name from the Anglo-Saxon god of war Tiu, also known as Tyr to the Vikings. The Romans named their third day of the week after their god of war, Mars. That is why romantic languages like Spanish, French, and Italian all have similar names for Tuesday: Martes, Mardi, and Martedi.|
So turns out that our weeks should start on Tuesday, instead of Monday, because the first day back to work is a bitch, unless you’re like me and you NEVER, EVER, STOP WORKING. I wish I’d had this work ethic back at the church, but as I write that statement true that it is, I realize that the reason I didn’t, was because I wasn’t as passionate about the work.
It’s not that I didn’t like helping people, it’s that I was thrown into the deep end. I started by cleaning toilets and by the end of my job tenure there, I was supposed to know how to counsel people with severe drug addiction issues, that all stemmed from trauma, PTSD, and too damned often, child abuse.
I wasn’t prepared or trained to know what to say or do to help people, and while I did my best, I really don’t think I left more harm than good, I also know that if I had been prepared, I probably would have been able to help a lot more people.
Looking back I realize now just how much damage is caused by well-meaning Church folk who think that God and God alone is the answer. For some people – such as myself and many of the guests at the Mission, God was actually the problem. Not because God is the bad guy, but because too often in our lives, God was used as a weapon against us, to cause us sometimes unfixable harm in an effort to “make you your best self.”
And so I still struggle with my faith. I believe in God – I believe in many gods, and many many Goddesses, too many to name though they all deserve to be named. I believe that if God could exist in as many different incarnations as possible, then who the hell am I to tell someone that their God doesn’t exist?
I may not agree with all the things said about God, or about God’s plans or missions, but I admit, I believe that God exists.
Too many times God is invoked in times of war, and promises are made, “Dear God, if you help me survive this I promise…” but then the promises are never truly fulfilled, what if God were tired of hearing the promises but not seeing the work?
What if like us God only sees some of the good? Instead of all of it. Around the world, millions of people are dying a day, and that’s tragic and sad, and heartbreaking, but around the world, 7 billion miracles still exist, and that gives me hope, and because I need Hope so desperately, I’ll take it.
I choose to believe that although Tuesday was a day named for a group of War God’s, it’s not meant to send us into this belief that we have to attack going to work like war. Workplace bullying takes the lives of hundreds of people around the world a day, and when I say “takes the life,” I don’t just mean by suicide.
When you’re mean or cruel, when you step outside of yourself to let your angriest self out, you inadvertently or sometimes on purpose, let out these negative energies that flip and fling across the globe often unseen, but rarely unheard.
One bad word can destroy a person’s confidence, one uncomfortable touch can destroy their sense of safety and protection in the world, and the result is a trigger effect. One thing then another and another and another, and before you know it, someone has taken their own life. OR the life of another.
Many people have asked me how I survived all the crap I’ve been through, to get to the place where “I”, Devon J Hall, get to say that I am the Loud Mouth Brown Girl, it wasn’t easy. I survived the trauma as it was happening, but I didn’t learn to thrive until I started looking inward, and yes, it was Chakra work that helped me get where I am today.
In my case, my focus was on finding my voice. Not the voice that I’d been trained to use, but the voice that I was born with.
The one that had thoughts and feelings and emotions before the world cultivated me into something that I was never meant to be. And so I focused on meditating over my throat chakra. I did it alone and it was really scary because honestly, I didn’t know what to expect.
At first I thought I was being crazy, stupid, silly, and sometimes all three, and it took more than one try, but for me, it took a few weeks before I really started to tune into everything I’d learned from others, and push all of it aside.
I needed to focus on just the chakra itself, and so every night, I would focus on my throat chakra, which sits just under the throat and slightly above the chest chakra. Interestingly, it was my chest chakra that I felt open.
It was like a mini-explosion of light in my chest, and all of a sudden, everything became very clear. Who I am, who I wanted to be, what I needed to do to get there, all of it, became completely indistinguishable. It was all the same. I was on a path and even if I couldn’t explain that path, I understood it myself, and that was all that mattered.
That’s how I learned to thrive, everything I do, even if it makes no sense to the rest of the world makes sense to me. Tuesday being a day named after a War God is auspicious for me, because I’m an Aries, a fire element, and a student of the God Mars, but because he is only 1 teacher, not the whole teacher, I am also a student of Ganesha, Shiva, Hecate, Hera, and so many others.
Each of these spiritual elements brings something different to my life, and they give me the space that I need to heal while talking about that healing so that I can create content while simultaneously keeping a scientific record of my behavior, my mental thought patterns, and my journey.
Every single Tuesday that I get is a reminder that Mars is on my side, and that feels pretty damned good. It might not make sense to you, but it doesn’t have to, I don’t need you to believe me, trust me, or understand me, because I know I am going to get wherever it is that I am supposed to go, whether or not I like it, and I realize now, that choosing to work WITH the elements, instead of fighting it, is a lot easier.
But that doesn’t mean that I believe that God or anyone else has any more power over me than the humans do, humans love to control each other, they love to tell each other who to be because that’s what makes us comfortable. But maybe it’s time we go back to being uncomfortable for a while, maybe it’s time we start focusing on ourselves and looking inward, instead of looking for money and fame.
I want a Pulitzer one day, that’s a dream I don’t talk often about, but lately, I find myself wanting it more and more, but not because of the fame. I want proof that my work has merit and value, which means that I have to keep working, keep improving, and quit talking about giving up.
That’s something I HAVE been talking a lot about lately, and just when I’m ready to, inspiration strikes. I guess what I am trying to say is, I know it hurts, and I know it’s scary, but there are verifiable ways to control the anxiety of living life as an ordinary human, that will open you up to so many amazing and majickal possibilities.
If you got through Monday, and you’re still struggling today, then just know I’m thinking of you, and I can hear you screaming inside your head, take it down to a whisper, and take some breaths, and decide what you want to fix about your life.
It starts with a decision.
- Figure out what you want to change about your life
- Start meditating on the correct chakra
- See yourself begin to take the steps to get where it is you think you want to go.
You’ll see, it works, it’s weird because it’s not something we’re used to doing, not because it’s the wrong thing to do.
Sending all my love,
Devon J Hall
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Uncomfortable is an Uncomfortable read of un-edited essays written by the Loud Mouth Brown Girl, during the start of the 2020-2021 pandemic era on planet earth. It’s a difficult read filled with reminders that no matter how much the universe tries to squish us, we keep pushing through and moving forward to become our best selves. Grab a copy from Amazon on Kindle or Paperback Here.