I’m Only The Villain In Your Story, Because I Survived You

TRIGGER WARNING: Please practice self care before, during, and after reading this post. This post is a direct message to the men who abused me, and others, from here at home, and around the world. In discussing how I feel about their behavior, and their attitude towards their choices of what they did to me, I discuss some of the details of what happened. Please take a breath if you need to step away from this post. ~Devon J Hall


So as disconnected as I am from my old life, I still hear the rumors, I still hear what is being said behind my back as if I don’t exist.

All these years later after coming out with my survivor story, I’m still a bitch, rat, whore, slut, piece of meat, ni**er bitch, etc.

The funny thing is that the only reason I am addressing it is two fold:

  1. I really don’t give a fuck what you think about me, but other people who suffer from gaslighting abuse need to hear what I am about to say.
  2. I think it’s fucking hilarious that you hate me so much when I barely remember your name, because you no longer exist to me. In my dreams I’ve already killed you.

They say that history is written by the survivors, but they don’t say that every survivor is going to have a different version of the same story.

In my version of the story, I faced the Devil and I walked away laughing. The night that I was gang-raped the last time I laughed, I cried, I screamed, I bit, hit, kicked, and did whatever I had to do to survive.

I have a dragon tattoo on my left ankle, and I warned my rapists that I belonged to a Hell’s Angel named Dragon, for the SOLE reason that I thought that would scare them enough that they wouldn’t murder me that night.

I don’t know if it worked, but what I DO know is that I am still alive, telling the tale, meanwhile as they lick their wounds and cry about what a bitch I am, what a piece of shit, what a whore, what a slut, what a whatever, I am still fucking here, still fighting back against the bastards who tried to break me.

Now that I am away from the gangsters, the rapists, and the abusers, I can still hear all the shit they say about me and I gotta tell you…it makes me laugh.

The only time history has ever tried to discredit a woman as “a whore, as an insignificant little bitch“, is when she has had the courage to fight back and say no in as many ways as it takes to survive those trying to kill her.

I survived you. All of you. Not a single one of you pathetic sorry ass excuses for men couldn’t kill me, and I will TOTALLY give you credit for trying, but while you’re trying to plot your next move I am twelve moves ahead of you. I know what you’re going to say next, I know what you’re going to do next, and I’ve already prepared to stop you before you start.

I am that Bitch.

I am doing -exactly- what I want to do, mostly on my terms, and when it’s not on my terms it’s because I am doing what I have to do. I have a verifiable armies worth of baggage, and I don’t always carry it gracefully, but I always carry it.

What do you have? The memory of the fact that you had to gang up to rape a single woman, because a bunch of other women told you she was a threat? Really? That the best you got?

If the best you have to throw at me, is drugging me, so that an ENTIRE pack of men can rape me one after the other, then I am no longer afraid of you. I’ve lived through that shit three times, I can do it again if I have to, but if I have to again you better fucking kill me.

I don’t need drugs to take you on….I’m just saying.

Period.

I am not playing because this is not a fucking game to me. For years I’ve had people tell lies about me that could have and very nearly did get me killed, and I am done with it. I have shown the world who I am in a million tiny and large ways, and if you can’t tell that I am not going to stay silent about child pedophilia and sexual abuse of women, then you really aren’t paying the fuck attention.

Back in the days, in the 20s, 30s, and 40s, gangsters and mobsters had a rule about children and women, they didn’t mess with them, and those that did, got dead real fast, because at the very least they had SOME limits, and SOME respect for humanity.

Today those rules are gone, because men who live in Surrey, British, fucking Columbia, WHITE men no less, think that because they are white they can do whatever they want to whomever they want, because they are white men.

No, the fuck you cannot.

You can not rape women and children, because you’re jealous your best friend MIGHT have fucked your mistress, while your baby-mamma is fucking your ACTUAL enemy, behind your back and in front of your fucking face.

You cannot rape women because you think they MIGHT have told the police what you’re doing, especially because Surrey BC is an RCMP TRAINING district. It is their job to watch criminals and collect evidence, so if you’re selling dope in this city, if you’re raping women, I ASSURE YOU the cops already fucking know, they’re just waiting for enough evidence to lock you little bitches up.

“I” have nothing to do with why ANYONE in Surrey is in prison, but there sure a lot of people spreading that message that I am because they hope that I am going to remain silent about men pretending to be Hell’s Angels, as they rape children, and try to start selling and trafficking kids.

If you think I am going to stay quiet about this shit you’re fucking wrong, because it’s evil, dark shit, and it’s not okay.

If your argument is:

DEVON’S TELLING THE WORLD HOW WE GROWN ASS MEN RAPED HER AND A BUNCH OF BOYS WHEN THEY WERE CHILDREN, SHE SHOULD DIE;

You are seriously on the wrong side of this conversation.

I don’t need to worry about you coming after me anymore, because you’re outting yourselves. If your argument is “Devon is a rat because I want to rape women,” you’re on the wrong side of this conversation, and if you’re DEFENDING that behavior, you really are a little bitch.

If this really IS a game, then you’re a level I’ve already survived and I don’t need to deal with you or your trauma anymore. I’m done and closing that door because I’m moving on. I don’t care if you try to stalk me on social media, I don’t care if you shake your head at me in public in disgust, I don’t give a fuck if you call me names, or tell lies about me, but if you come after me again you better be prepared for a woman whose ready to defend her life with everything she has.

The trouble with rapists who torture and rape children is that they don’t know how to deal with people who aren’t afraid of them. They punch low, and they stay low, because they have no courage to climb the mountains to overcome the trauma that turns them into abusers.

That’s fine, I totally get why you are the way that you are, but I have no interest in engaging with your abusive behavior, and you know what? This absolutely includes people who defend, protect, or ally with people accused of sexual abuse or child pedophile.

If you have use for child abusers in your life, then I have no room for you in my life.

To all those ready, and willing, to fight back, I am totally with you, so don’t ever ever say, you are alone. I might be hard to find, but I will ALWAYS be there when I can be.

Sending all my love,

Devon J Hall

Author: Devon J Hall

Devon J Hall is a thirty-eight-year-old Writer and Author from Surrey, British Columbia by way of Calgary Alberta. She lives with three cats, one mother, and is addicted to coffee, cigarettes, and weed, not necessarily in that order.

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