There are so many people in this world that I need to thank. Not just for their support, but because there are so many people in this world that have shown me that they actually do want me around, that they think that my words, feelings, and expressions have merit, and that they matter.
So taking the website down for a few hours is frustrating, because I want it to be available all the time, but I am not going to lie, I also like having the opportunity to write behind closed doors. There is something ninja like about being able to write a post and know that no one is sitting on the other side of the world reading it ten seconds after it has been posted.
I fixed some of the links, I took down the Brown Girl Bloggers page, because I want to redo it. I want to support Bloggers that I actually talk to, who are on the same level as myself. By that I mean, Bloggers and Content Creators who are doing this work professionally, and doing it in a way that seeks to inspire people. I want that particular page, to be a better reflection of the amazing women that I know, instead of a long ass list that doesn’t tell you what the women on that list are writing about.
I added tags to the pages that didn’t have tags, which will make it easier to search for the pages, and I took out all the fictional character pages, because honestly they just don’t fit with what I am building. I had a vision for this website when I started it, but over time that vision has evolved, and I’ve decided to keep my fiction writing and my non-fiction writing seperate for now.
One of the things that I really want to get more comfortable with is making videos, because that’s the next natural progression of the web of content that I am building, so you can look forward to that in the future.
My friends and I are talking about doing a webinar on women and sex, which is so exciting, so you can look forward to that in the future as well.
Over the next several weeks, I am going to be making a concentrated effort to edit my posts. The man leading my Writer’s workshop says that I need to work on editing, which I hate, because I do like my raw emotional posts, but I also want to be seen as a more professional writer, and honestly choosing not to edit my posts is just lazy, so I am going to be doing that. Even though I already know I don’t want to, but I do want to make sure that y’all stay interested in my writing, so…there’s that.
I am learning to put myself out there, doing things like joining the Budsista’s, taking a Writer’s workshop, and working with Writers and Editors of Color is a huge step for me, because I have always just figured I had to do everything alone.
Creative people tend to isolate themselves on purpose so they can focus on the creation part of their life, but the problem is that when you spend all your time alone, people think you think you’re better than them, rather then understanding that you’re afraid you won’t fit in.
I am always afraid that I won’t fit in, I am waiting for the day that Natalie or Khadisha tell me that I am too much and am no longer welcome in the Bud Sista’s….I know that won’t happen, but I am afraid of it nonetheless. I am trying to measure my fears with the fact that I have to learn to trust what people say, which as you know is hard to do when you have been abused and traumatized.
Today I can say that I am dedicated, passionate, and strong. Even though sometimes I don’t always feel so strong, even though some days it would just feel easier to give in and give up, I don’t allow myself to do that. I think about it, but I keep going, and I am really proud of myself for that.
While this website may not look like a very different website from the way it looked yesterday, it feels like it is, because I know now that this “brand”, is a part of my anchor. I know now that the reason that I am still alive is because I have the ability to talk about where I am and how I am doing emotionally.
I know now that I am doing everything I possibly can, not to get my old life back, but to willingly choose to build a new version of my life, so that I can be a happier, healthier person.
I am excited that at the beginning of twenty-twenty one, I can finally say that I have a beautiful network of amazing writers, editors, and colleagues from around the world who support me and push me to be better, stronger, and more careful about what I say and how I say it, and I couldn’t possibly be more thrilled about this new section of the adventure that I am on.
If you read my posts, if you share them, if you take the time to take in my words and you’ve learned something, I just want to say thank you. It means the world to me that you think, that my words, matter enough to you to read them.
I hope you enjoy poking around the new layout and checking out all the changes.
Sending all my love,
Devon J Hall
Loud Mouth Brown Girl 