What The Heck Is My Life? Because Y’all…I Think This is Happiness

So I woke up pretty grateful today, and I decided to capitalize on that feeling by putting myself out there and approached a few podcast shows for a chance to appear on them.

Right now I am doing my own publicity, and even though I actually know a publicist that wants me to hire her, I am enjoying this process of building my brand on my own. I am not ready to put it in anyone else’s hands yet, but that’s neither here nor there.

I think I am feeling waves of happiness today. First off I woke up alive, which is fucking huge. Given the experience I’ve had with gangs, guns, sexual abuse, and sex cults, I really shouldn’t be, so as far as I am concerned every single day that I get to be alive is a gift.

This year has been strange for me – I mean it’s been strange for me, but from my perspective, it’s been extra weird. Y’all know I published a book, y’all know I started a podcast, y’all know that I have been killing it with the whole “making my dreams come true” thing, but I can’t help but think that the other shoe is about to drop at some point.

I am trying hard not to think that way, but when things have been so difficult for so long, it’s hard to think that maybe it’s just your turn to be happy. It’s unnerving, this feeling that I am doing well, even on days when I don’t feel like working, or on days when I know that I am not mentally doing well, I know that things are going to get better.

I look up to a lot of people in the celebrity world who are doing things that I want to do one day, and for the first time in my life I am not looking to others as competition, I am looking to them as proof that they can get shit done, and that there is no reason I can’t do the same.

I can’t explain to you how I got to this place, there was no “aha” moment, it was a series of small reminders that taught me that I can do absolutely anything I want to do, if I actually put some effort into it.

I think though, it started with the realization that if I didn’t start a podcast, I was going to be completely isolated. Starting the Podcast allowed me to connect with my friends on social media in a way that I hadn’t before. I started out and will continue to interview people I follow on Twitter, or that I am close to, who talk about things that matter to me.

The Podcast helps me to feel less alone, and gives me space to converse about things that I don’t get to in my every day life. Like cannabis, like mental health. It gives me an outlet to say “this is what I am going through and here is why it matters.”

I love the podcast, I love the people that I am meeting and the conversations that I am having, no buts.

I will say that there are some days when I just am physically incapable of getting the work done. This is largely due to the fact that I run myself ragged for a few weeks at a time before my body and mind demand that I take a break.

I am trying to focus on balance, but I am not so good at it, and that’s because when I am feeling good I am trying to get as much work done as possible so that when it’s time to crash I can allow myself the space to refuse to feel guilty about not feeling so hot. This is not so healthy, I know this, but I am working on it.

The more that I dive into the cannabis industry, the more that I am learning about what a miracle cannabis is as a whole, and it’s only confirming that I am on the right path when it comes to getting the work done.

I will say that I have certainly had some weird experiences with cannabis, but overall I built this entire website while I was stoned, and it’s something that just makes me feel better throughout the day.

I find that I am using less of it as the days go on, but I still try to take a couple of tokes every day, both out of respect for the fact that it’s helped me so much, and because working when you’re stoned just fucking feels better.

I know that it’s difficult, I know that shit is hard right now, but I also know that if we keep plugging at it, we’ll end up being wherever we’re supposed to be when we get there.

Sending all my love,

Devon J Hall