Loud Mouth Brown Girl

If that makes sense to you, then at some point in your life, you or someone you know has asked for help, probably more than once.

I was taught to never ask for help, no matter what. Which precisely explains why I didn’t speak out when I had the rare opportunity to do so, until it was so long past too late, that everyone I told decided not to believe me.

Some of the few people who did choose to believe me are members of Anonymous – if you can believe it or not. I know some of them, by username at least, but not all of them. I posted in one of their chats that I needed help. And because of many strangers across the globe, I’m still here today.

One of the things that I’ve come to learn in the last nine years of doing this work on myself so publicly is that gratitude is a privilege. It’s not something everyone in the world can offer to those who need aid or assistance.

Some people look at the most marginalized in the community and think to themselves, “I’m glad that’s not me.” And in the next breath, they do everything they can to make the lives of those around them just slightly easier.

Some people look at the most marginalized and think, “They did something to deserve it.” Ironically, with so much judgment, they pretend to be grateful when, in reality, they’re showcasing arrogance, as if it couldn’t possibly be them.

The thing is, I’ve known people like myself, whose job it was to help others find housing, only to end up unhoused while working to save others.

I’ve become one of those people. I didn’t “intend” to become unhoused, but a series of mental health issues and the drama of trying to escape all of that abuse prevented me from being able to compartmentalize the things I needed to, to get through with ease.

I won’t blame myself for who I was ten years ago. I refuse to carry the shame that only exists because of what was done to me as a child.

I am, however, grateful to the version of me who decided that the best way to escape was to tell our story as loudly as possible. Not just because other people came to help, people I never would have expected in a million years, but because so many other women started to come forward around the same time.

So even though I was isolated, I wasn’t alone. I was protected by the sea of women who joined the # MeToo movement, in an effort to free themselves and regain the wings that had been so unjustly stolen from them by the grown-ass men in their lives.

Women around the globe have had enough with being treated like objects, and they have built entire communities around the idea that women and girls deserve to be safe and free, regardless of how it makes men feel.

Being a part of a community of women, who I don’t even know – who support me purely because they have watched me be my authentic self, is confusing, actually.

My entire life, I was told not to be myself, but this weekend I shared that my bank was in overdraft due to the website fees, and we had a lack of serious essentials that were needed to get through until payday.

And a gentle, kind soul decided to use their birthday money to pay it off, leaving me just enough to grab those essentials I was talking about.

I couldn’t believe it. What the hell do you mean, being vulnerable with complete strangers has saved my ass, yet again? What do you mean by asking for help worked?

I’ve spent my life asking counsellors, doctors, teachers, lawyers, cops, everyone and anyone I knew, “What’s wrong with me?” And no one had an answer other than to keep my mouth shut and my head down until it was over.

So many of us in this world have had to learn to navigate this place on our own, figuring it out as we go, and I don’t think that we celebrate that enough. Not just because that’s precisely what this blog is about, but also because at the end of the day, who the fuck prepared you to adult in 2026?

No one.

Not one generation that came before us was or is prepared to face what’s coming, until it happens. That’s kind of the surprise part of being human, but if we work together, learn to lean on and educate each other with gentleness and kindness, then we can get a hell of a lot further ahead.

Now that being said…

It’s still Fuck Nazis. Every day all day.

The long and the short of it is this: If you need help navigating the world, ask. If you need help building a network of support, ask.

If you don’t ask…you’ll stay stuck and keep wondering why.

To that end, Uncomfortable and In Case of My Death…Burn The World Down are both available as a digital download here on KO-FI for $5.00 each if you’d rather not support Amazon. I’ve put them up there to support the Amazon boycott. Please, if you choose to support me, use this link.

XOXO

Devon J Hall,

The Original Loud Mouth Brown Girl