I have a responsibility to take my medication every day. And so I do. I have a responsibility to reach out when I need help, which I do. These days I am more often left to my own devices, which is precisely why I am so overwhelmed by all the options I’ve been given in this new world.
When we are in a state of shock, or PTSD as they label it in the hospital, we don’t always know what “the next right thing to do” is. Sometimes we get confused, there is a fog that comes over our brain that prevents us from functioning the way that we know we’re supposed to.
Even when we want to, we can’t clean, shower, or take care of ourselves. Sometimes it’s just that our body and our brains need a break, need to heal, and relax from the exhaustion of masking all the trauma that we’re hiding.
When we’re better we don’t often understand the toll that our disability has taken on those around us. I sometimes feel like Sheldon in that episode of Big Bang Theory when he was sick and his friends had to remind him what a pain in the ass he was.
That was me! I was that person. I didn’t mean to be, I was just trying to survive, but in the process, I hurt some folks. Now as my karma, I have some really great friends and some really annoying adversaries. But I am working through it the best that I can.
I understand that everything I was going through was normal, but that it shouldn’t have been my normal. If I had gotten the help I asked for, it wouldn’t have become my normal, and I wouldn’t be here to tell you about that journey, today.
I don’t love how I got here, but I am glad to be here if that makes sense.
I am glad that I have another yet alive on this planet to show the world that. you can have mental health issues and still have a flourishing, beautiful, transcendent kind of life.
Sending all my love,
Devon J Hall
Loud Mouth Brown Girl 