So something good happened to someone I care about, and people around me are acting like I’m freaking out because I’m not freaking out, but I’m genuinely happy for this person, and it took me a long time to get here, so let me enjoy the moment okay?
A Good Thing For Me Is Not A Bad Thing For You. That’s How This Works. – Devon J Hall
I’ve been thinking about bell hooks a lot lately and I’ve been wondering what she’d say to me if we had the opportunity to talk and I could ask her advice.
I think she’d be proud of me because I’m not just taking the higher road to take the higher road, I’m genuinely happy for this person, I care about them and I want them to have a happy life, whether that means our journeys are on the same path or not, I’ll still always want them to be happy.
This person is one of the many who saved my life, gave me the strength to tell my story, and who gave me the opportunity to actually acknowledge it all without making me feel ashamed or abused for it.
Getting to a place of my own happiness without being jealous of what others have, or what it looks like other people has, took me a really long time and I don’t really know how I did it. It sounds easy to say I just started being grateful, but basically, that’s it.
But as I was recently reminded, it also comes from asking for what I want, and in some cases, demanding it as loudly as possible, and knowing that I’m not asking too much when it comes to my basic human rights.
Sometimes we have to fight harder for ourselves than expected, and that leads us often, to feel that because we’re fighting so hard for the basic minimums, we’re not good enough to deserve more, but you gotta just put your hands over your ears and block that shit out.
You have to develop over time, the strength to remind yourself that what you want is yours to have when you’re ready for it. – A white guy who abused me said that he wasn’t wrong.
I Stopped Asking for Therapy A Year Ago Because I Know The Kind of Help I Need isn’t Available in This Country. But That Doesn’t Mean I Stopped Fighting For It.
You can have whatever you want, but are you prepared for the consequences? Are you prepared for the challenges that will come with what other people expect you to want? And will have what other people tell you should make you happy, really make you happy?
In this situation, I’m not ready to be beside this person, and so they found someone who is. I couldn’t be more thrilled that two really cool people found each other, but I’m not going to be miserable that I “missed my chance,” because if it was my chance I wouldn’t have missed it.
What is Meant For You, Cannot Be Stolen From You – Someone Famous
Just a reminder folks. Stop projecting your disappointment onto other people. YOU may not be happy with my progress but I’m still alive, I’m a hell of a lot further along than I should be given what I’ve been through. It’s enough for me, it should be enough for you. And when the rest comes, I’ll be ready.
Sending all my love,
Devon J Hall
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