Well….That Was Sort of Not So Horrible

Let me be clear, I really like Egberto Willas, and I enjoyed doing his show “Politics Done Right,” but watching the streaming comments were awful, it was the worst feeling in the world to see someone whose face I couldn’t see, tell me that I’m white.

The man has interviewed AOC, Like are you kidding me? That’s kind of a big deal, (IN A MASSIVE WAY,) and while there were lots of really lovely people, of course, my brain focuses on the negative because that’s what those of us who are putting ourselves out there do.

We can hear ten thousand wonderful things about ourselves, but our brains switch to “okay but who hated it, and why, and how do I make it better?” because we are supposed to think that we could ALWAYS be doing “better.”

I could be doing a lot better, and I could take the “welfare Queen” and “White girl pretending to be Black girl,” comments seriously or I can laugh.

This man has interviewed AOC, like her or dislike her, (I like her mostly I just disagree with her), he came to me. He asked ME, I didn’t have to go looking for that opportunity, and that’s massive.

Insert positively TOXIC quote about being YOUR best because THAT’S Enough, as long as YOU also remember to WIN.

I don’t know how many of his subscribers will watch the interview, but what I do know, is that I didn’t realize that I was speaking to someone who was so accomplished in the journalism arena, because I thought journalism was dead.

This is an ordinary person, using his voice, to share his opinions and thoughts with the world, adding into his own voice, the strength to walk up to AOC and ask her questions I would be too nervous to ask her. He is a bit of a celebrity, and that’s pretty cool, but all I can think about right now is….”if they only knew.”

The story of my life has been documented and continues to be, and the more that it unfolds the more awful it is, and I keep thinking about what the movie would look like.

The opening scene:

A short Black man putting a gun on a table at a strip club, white guys backing off, realizing he’s not threatening me, he’s offering it to Siddha Lee Saint James.

She smiles and hugs him. Later a white man in a biker’s uniform slaps her ass, a man in black pulls her away. I can see the film and I can see the end credits.

Me standing on a hill somewhere beautiful staring at the ocean as I sip on a perfect glass of Italian wine. That’s the fucking end of the god damned story.

But I’m not even close to there yet, so I duck my head down and I ignore the horrible comments from the 1 horrible person who thinks he knows me based on a ten-minute interview, and I keep working because that’s what we do. THAT’S what it means to be the best.

We keep going, and we keep plotting the film, and we keep writing the story until we get it right, and it’s not right yet. It’s not right until I beat Hal Harris for that Pulitzer, and hug him as he cries like the baby he is absolutely not.

Okay that last part might not happen, in fact, I’m pretty sure I’ll be yelling and screaming when he wins him, (after I win mine of course,) But that’s what it means to be the best.

I look at all these amazing writers of #WEOC and all I can think is “you scare the fuck out of me.”

They are all so talented and kind and loving and welcoming and yeah we had some growing pains, but we’re making our way through and we’re building something, and so yeah it’s time I start releasing posts on Medium again. I’ll be writing here, but I think that I am going to take Six Oh Four North to Medium instead of using it as its own website.

I want to build up that readership before I invest more money into it, and more than that, I also want to ensure that people are educated about Cannabis in an honest way that isn’t about making money right out of the gate. That’s the most important part of being the Loud Mouth Brown Girl.

Yes, I love making money, but when I can make money by showing people what I’ve learned? By spending time learning from others? That’s the coolest part of my job, and while the comments might suck, the comments are coming from people who are only seeing a tiny fraction of my life, who think they know me based on what they assume to be true, not what they’ve learned is true.

That being said, I’m not Demi Levato or Marilyn Monroe, I don’t have to care what people are thinking, because the very nature of the Loud Mouth Brown Girl brand is that I DON’T care.

People can say whatever they want and I’ll continue to write uplifting blog posts about what they say because it reminds people that we overcome our mental health issues, we don’t fail because of them. We learn from them, we grow, and we teach others what we’ve learned and on the cycle goes.

I know that I have to be my best, and one day more will be expected of me, and I’ll rise up and do what I have to do, even if that means (ugh) shaving my legs, but until then, I have to tell you…having people think I’m white, and hating me because I call myself Black feels pretty good.

Black, Brown, we come in all different shades, but y’all aren’t ready to have that conversation are you?

Sending all my love, the Loud, PROUD, CREOLE, MIXED RACE, WHITE, AND BLACK GIRL,

Devon J Hall


Check the interview here:

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Uncomfortable is an Uncomfortable read of un-edited essays written by the Loud Mouth Brown Girl, during the start of the 2020-2021 pandemic era on planet earth. It’s a difficult read filled with reminders that no matter how much the universe tries to squish us, we keep pushing through and moving forward to become our best selves. Grab a copy from Amazon on Kindle or Paperback Here.