You know what has always bothered me about my life? It’s the number of times that men have blamed me for the shit that has gone wrong in their life. The number of times that I have been raped, because something went wrong in a guy’s life, and he was like “let me just go blame the Brown girl,” as if he holds no responsibility for the actions of his existence.
According to the Bible – which was written, translated, and re-written over centuries by MEN, Eve is the reason that Adam and Eve got kicked out of the garden, and I’ve been thinking about this shit…what if she is?
What if Adam ate the apple because Eve didn’t fucking ask to be born? What if he ate the apple because she didn’t want to have sex with this man type creature and create children? What if she decided you know what? Fuck you God, my life sucks, and she convinced Adam to eat the fucking apple, and then went off and had demon babies with Lilith?
What if she just kept the garden to her damned self and laughed as Adam alone was kicked out and he decided to get revenge by telling everyone that they both did, but Eve died because “weak,” ? I mean that sounds a LOT more realistic than a woman testing the will of a God right?
For centuries, and I mean since the very first earliest stories of human kind, women have been subjugated to men. Even in spiritual beliefs were women are somehow superior to men, they had to hide in order to keep that power, ala the Amazons. The Valkyrie.
There has never, EVER been a time when a woman’s safety hasn’t been at risk when there are men around. There is no generation, no culture, no existence where the female energy of this universe has NOT been better off, when men weren’t involved.
There was a time when gangsters showed a modicum of respect for each other by not going after wives and children, and then somewhere in the 70s the rules changed, and suddenly that was “the thing to do.”
I was raped because someone thought I was sleeping with a guy the world thought was a gangster, and the guy who set up my rape, did so because he was jealous.
Are you fucking serious? Of what?
First of all I wasn’t sleeping with the person you thought I was, and even if I was that is STILL not a reason to have a woman beaten, tortured, and raped for hours on end, because that my friends is what psychopaths do.
And yet when I tried to explain this to a doctor who works for the SAME FUCKING COMPANY one of my rapists do, I was called psychotic.
Why? Because that Doctor was male.
When women are angry, when we’re pissed off, when we’re fucking tired of the bullshit, when we’re angry about the fact that the world isn’t the way it should be for women, we are called crazy, psychotic, and insane.
Do you know what my 2nd Doctor says? She says I had a moment. SHE says, I had a moment, because after more than thirty years of shock and trauma, my brain finally went AW HELL NAW.
Men don’t understand this because they don’t understand how much weight we carry, both meta and physically, around our bodies. They have no idea that even the most casual acquaintance is someone we genuinely want the best for. They can’t comprehend that we are SO connected to this planet, that every life form matters to us, even if we have to eat it to survive. (Rhonda Rousey can actually befriend an animal and eat it…and that? That’s fucking huge, that’s survival skills that I can’t connect to because I couldn’t do it. NOT A JUDGEMENT.)
We plant seeds and we touch the earth with our hands and we feel it’s pain and we connect to the sorrow of the blood that has been spilled on this planet, and yes some of us choose to turn that off and fight FOR the same patriarchy trying to destroy all women kind, but there are many of us who are doing our best just trying to survive, because there are men on this planet who are too terrified of what might happen if they leave us the fuck alone.
And on top of everything else that we have to worry about, now you want me to stop ALL the shit that “I” am doing to better my life, and myself, and start hating a bunch of men because a bible, written by men, said that those first group of men shouldn’t be loved because they love men.
For starters I’m not entirely sure why ANYONE would love men, and I don’t say this to be mean I say it honestly. Men are a lot of work. They really do take it the fuck out of you y’all. They will destroy everything about YOU for no other reason than destroying YOU makes them look good, or at the very least feel like they have accomplished something in their pathetic lives.
Men have been really awful to me, they’ve spat on me, they’ve tried to tear me down, they’ve scarred my body and ripped at my soul, they tried to murder me, they tortured me, like PHYISCAL torture.
They try to make me ashamed for behaviors that THEY taught me that I was supposed to WANT to have and do, they tried to make me feel guilty for THEIR choices and honestly I can say when it comes to a trip to “mansville,” I am saying 0/10 would NOT recommend.
HOWEVER, if you ARE Going to be with a man, by choice, (do people really choose this?) Than I mean go for it I guess? It’s going to have to take a SUPER strong and unafraid guy who is totally okay with the fact that I have been driven legitimately insane by his male kind for me to go back to wanting to be with a man.
I mean he’s going to have to be an absolutely PERFECT match because this idea of me going out to date a bunch of random guys just so that I have SOMEONE beside me? fuck that I’d rather shave my face with a rusty blade, before I EVER let a man touch me against my will or even with my consent again.
And should that happen I won’t change a fucking thing about what I’ve said here, men are fucking E.V.I.L.
They are vindictive, emotionally abusive, physically and spiritually traumatizing, and they will try to murder you just so that they could say they did, even if it means going to prison for life and throwing their entire future away, because hey they killed you, because YOU didn’t behave the way they want you to.
Because the Bible said that.
Fuck that shit.
Jesus Christ didn’t just “die” one day, he didn’t just up and stop breathing, he was murdered slowly over several weeks. He was LITERALLY hung on a cross to DIE, not because he HAD died, but because they wanted people to WATCH him die.
MEN did that to him.
Because he had the PERCEPTION of having more power than those around him, and honestly if he were here right now I really wouldn’t blame him if he were pissed about it, and this idea that he just went off to heaven with sparkly lights and rainbows falling out of his was was a LIE created by MEN who wanted you to believe the lie.
I’m not saying that the LESSONS Jesus left were not important, they absolutely were, but they were not HIS words, they were the words of people who say they were his words and that is very, very different my friends.
“If you didn’t hear it from MY mouth, if you didn’t SEE me say it, I didn’t fucking say it.” -Devon J Hall and Smooth
We have to remember that everything on this planet can be manipulated into making us afraid to keep fighting for a better world. The Anti-Vaxers and the Anti-Maskers are not wrong.
In the past Vaccines have been used to cause a LOT of harm to humanity, for instance, Tuskegee, when Black folk were TOLD they were given a vaccine but in fact were MURDERED by people who did NOTHING to protect THEM.
The fear is real and understandable, but that being said I took both shots and I have had 0 symptoms, I still try my best to wear a mask but I admit sometimes I forget because I go out so rarely. I still make sure that I am protected and am protecting others, because I’d rather be the dumbass who took the offered medicine and lived than the stubborn jerk who didn’t and did not.
We have spent generations listening to people who have power and the ONLY reason they have ANY power is because a lot of us know their names.
If we started ignoring them, if we started turning our backs on big corporations, if we started turning our backs on lying politicians, if we started ignoring stupid fucking celebrities who say shit like “be grateful for the guys that DON’T rape women,” and “I didn’t know that F$##^& was a bad word,” then maybe we might be a little more ahead in our evolution by now.
I know that I want LMBG to be a big company one day but I want it to be an ethical company and that starts with knowing that the most unimportant thing to me in the world is whether someone I love or know is biffing a person who has the same gender label as they do.
I don’t care baby. Are you happy? Do they make your soul sing? Do they pick you up when you’ve fallen on the fucking floor? Do they relish in your enjoyment of the world? Are they proud of you and do they laugh with you when you expel your frustration at the world? Do they LOVE you more than anyone on this planet? And by love I mean do they SHOW You that YOUR existence means the world to them because THEY are the ones that get to be with you?
Then fucking enjoy it, emphasis on the fucking, I don’t care if “God Himself,” came down from the Heaven’s and said “that’s not allowed,” if you’re gay, trans, bisexual, lesbian, whatever your LABEL is, baby enjoy this planet, because it’s a fucking awful place to be.
God may have made the rules about how we’re supposed to be, and maybe every word in that stupid book is true, but what if it’s not? And what if I don’t fucking care?
I am thirty-eight years old and I feel like I am sixty-eight, and there are 90 year old women who have more energy than I do, I don’t have it in me to care if your sucking a cock or licking a clit, or what’s between your legs, just be happy.
Be HAPPY and BEING HAPPY doesn’t mean “destroy others on your way to joy you psycho cunt,” it means make the world a better place by celebrating everything you are, could be, and want to be. Sit under a tree, dance naked in the rain, find God wherever YOU hear God, and ignore anyone that tells you that YOUR God or Goddess has to be THEIR God.
GOD is an ancient word and it literally means “oldest in existence,” it doesn’t mean “first, best, or better”, and the next time people judge you on who you love, remind them that you don’t give a fuck, because YOU don’t have to share your love with them.
Sending all of mine at the tail end of this really sad and depressing PRIDE season
THE HAPPILY SINGLE BISEXUAL BIG LOUD MOUTH BROWN GIRL,
Devon J Hall